When Demons Come a Calling
by kimmi2259
Summary: When Sara’s past comes back to haunt her it arrives with a vengeance. CSR [CathSara femslash] mild GSR angst
1. Part 1

When Demons Come A Calling

By Kimmi

CSI: CSR - mild GSR angst

Summary: When Sara's past comes back to haunt her it arrives with a vengeance.

Warning this is femslash, you have been warned.

Disclaimers: If I owned them Cath and Sara would have been playing house by the third ep.

Catherine Willows groaned as she looked at the slips of pink paper on her desk. Five rape-homicides in one day were more than swing shift could handle by itself. Even if she, Nick and Warrick all took one each there was no way they could possibly hit the other two without losing precious evidence. These cases were time sensitive and they were going to need help. She'd have to call in reinforcements. Picking up her cell phone she dialed her friend and former boss.

"Grissom."

"Hey Gil it's Catherine. I hate to ask but I need some help."

After filling him in on the details and receiving a promise to call in his entire team Catherine made her way to the break room to send the guys to two of the scenes while she took a third. She picked up her kit and made her way to her SUV.

The drive was relatively short, no more than twenty minutes even with traffic, but it gave her time to think. With a hundred and thirty murders last year in the metro Vegas area, five in one night was a little unusual and for them all to come in within minutes of each other was unheard of. Catherine wondered briefly if there was a full moon or some weird planetary alignment that had brought out the lunatics.

Catherine arrived at the scene and was retrieving her kit from the back when a second CSI SUV pulled up beside her. She watched Sara Sidle's long legs exit the vehicle moments before the rest of her body. "What are you doing here? Why didn't Gil send you to one of the scenes no one is working?"

Sara cursed silently to herself as she wondered the same thing. She and Catherine hadn't really spoken since the blowup that had gotten her suspended and she wasn't looking forward to working a scene with her. It promised to be a long and tense afternoon. "I really couldn't tell you. Maybe it's because I live two blocks away."

It sounded like a plausible explanation but Catherine thought it more likely that this was Grissom's way of trying to get them to work out their problems. She didn't think it would do any good. Not until she and Sara could have a personal conversation without the brunette getting defensive and throwing up walls.

She waited for the younger woman to grab her kit, taking in the slumped shoulders and dragging feet. The woman looked like she had just rolled out of bed after not having nearly enough sleep. Knowing Sara that was exactly what had happened. "Well let's get started. The scene isn't going to process itself."

Sara watched Catherine's retreating back for a second before moving to follow her. She didn't regret what she had said, just the way she had said it. There was no way that conversation should've taken place in the halls. There was nothing she could do to change it however, short of apologizing and that was out.

Catherine reached the front door and looked back for Sara. Normally the tall brunette's long strides could easily outdistance her, but she was lagging behind. She made a vow to find a way to get them past this latest setback in their rocky relationship, with or without the other CSI's help.

"Hey Catherine, Sara I gotta warn ya this one's not pretty. Vic's name is Robin Hamilton, 33. This is her house. Looks like she was raped and beaten. She's in the bedroom down the hall, second door on the right. You've got your work cut out for you." Captain Jim Brass gave them a quick rundown of the details.

Sara saw the appraising glance Brass threw her way and took her shades off to look him directly in the eye. She gave him a small smirk to let him know she understood he was looking out for her but that she was fine. She hadn't been drinking before being called out, she was just tired. When she saw his answering smile she knew he had gotten the message. It was weird but they had developed this silent communication after her DUI. He knew she still drank, but she was a hell of a lot more careful now. She had made a stupid mistake. She didn't have a problem with alcohol; she had a problem with herself.

Oblivious to the unspoken conversation going on behind her Catherine started for the bedroom. She hugged the walls and started to tell Sara to do the same but stopped when she saw the younger woman was already doing so. She got a quick look at the dark circles under her eyes before she had to turn her attention back to where she was going.

Sara silently followed the blonde concentrating so hard on where she put her feet that she barely kept from running into Catherine's back. She hadn't noticed her stop at the open door and her only warning was the sharp intake of breath and a muttered curse. Peering over the shorter woman's shoulder it was easy to see what had prompted the expletive as one of her own squeezed its way out from her tightly clinched jaw. Written in what was most likely the woman's blood in three foot high letters above the victim's bed was the word 'YOU'.

With numb fingers Sara fumbled for her camera. Once Catherine moved into the room and out of her way she began snapping photos. The oppressive iron smell of the blood made her glad that she could only see the scene in small bits and pieces through the viewfinder. It made it a little easier to push down the bile that sometimes wanted to creep its way up her throat when this much blood was involved.

"Well it looks like she was strangled. I can see bruising on the side of her neck. He also slashed her wrist though. Overkill maybe? Or maybe it was taking to long for her to bleed out?" Catherine voiced her thoughts out loud. The victim was lying face down and she couldn't yet see the extent of the damage to the woman's throat.

"Maybe he cut her just to get the blood for the message. What's he trying to say though?"

Catherine looked up to see Sara absently rubbing her neck. She didn't think it was healthy the way the younger woman could immerse herself so deeply into a case that she could actually see herself in it. "I'm not sure maybe… Hey Sara come get a picture of this." Something barely sticking out from under the victim's head had caught her eye. "What is that?"

Getting as close as she could without actually touching the body Sara took a good look before taking a few pictures. "Looks like plant matter. A flower stem maybe?"

"Ladies."

The sudden voice from behind startled them both, making them jump slightly. They turned to see the portly assistant coroner standing just inside the room.

Catherine recovered first. "David please don't sneak up on people like that."

"Sorry. Are you ready for me?" Ducking his head slightly in embarrassment he never the less managed to send Sara a slight smile.

Catherine waved him toward the body giving silent consent as she and Sara stepped back to give him room to work. "Liver temp is 81 degrees so your time of death is approximately twelve hours ago."

"Thanks David. Sara do you have everything you need?" When Catherine received a distracted yes from the brunette she stepped back toward the bed. "Ok David I need you to lift her head and carefully roll her over. There's something under her and I don't want to damage it."

Sara waited with her camera ready while David lifted the dead woman and Catherine took a closer look. Cold fingers were wrapping themselves around her spine even before the blonde began to straighten up and she got her first look at what had been under the victim. The world fell away and all that was left was that flower. The brunette squeezed her eyes shut, blocking out the sight in an attempt to get herself under control. There had to be a perfectly reasonable explanation for it being there. Maybe the woman was a florist or a boyfriend had given it to her or she was an amateur horticulturalist anything but what her mind wanted to think. 'It doesn't mean anything, it's just a coincidence, it's not him' was running like a mantra through her mind.

"Sara! Did you hear me?" Catherine had told the younger woman to take photos of the flower but when Sara hadn't moved she turned to look at her and found her staring at it ashen-faced. She had then called her name three times before the brunette seemed to snap out of the trance she seemed to be in.

Shaking her head to clear out her thoughts Sara stepped toward the bed. She hadn't heard a word Catherine had said but she could pretty much guess what she wanted. As soon as she thought she had plenty of pictures she turned around and headed for the door. "I'm going to get started on the outside perimeter."

Sara stepped out the front door taking huge gulps of fresh air. She was still trying to get the smell of the blood and the sight of that damn flower out of her head when she heard soft footsteps behind her.

Catherine could see the brunette's sides heaving as she took deep breaths and as she came around to stand in front of her she nearly gasped at the younger woman's pallor. She hadn't believed it was really possible for someone to go white as a sheet but now the proof was in front of her. "Sara, are you all right? You look like you're about to pass out."

There was no way Sara could hide from Catherine's keen gaze in the unforgiving light of the afternoon Nevada sun. "I'm just a little… I just needed some air. I'm fine."

Cath could only stare after the lanky brunette as she wandered off around the side of house. She wanted to make sure that she really was fine but knew without a doubt Sara wouldn't give her a straight answer. They had never had much of a relationship and Willows knew she was mostly to blame for that. Years spent pushing the younger woman away, topped off with constant digs had made Sara wary of trusting her. The brunette's attitude had never helped either and of course their latest blow up resulting in Sidle's suspension had made things go from chilly to frozen. Well she'd just have to talk to Gil and tell him to find out what was bothering her.

"Is she okay? She looked a little green around the gills."

Brass's soft question stopped Catherine's retreat back into the house. "She said she was all right but you know Sara, she'd deny there was anything wrong even with her last breath."

Brass let the blonde go without a word, his thoughts on the brunette. He promised himself he would find a way to get her alone later and try to get her to talk to him.

TBC


	2. Part 2

Part 2  
Some parts will be longer than others. I'm trying to follow natural breaks in the story.

By the time Catherine finished processing the bedroom three hours had passed. She wondered where the Sara had gotten to as she gathered up her evidence and kit. She got her answer when she got into the living room. Sara was just packing away her powder and brushes and from the look of the room she had been busy.

"I uh finished up the rest of the house so if you're done we can get out of here." Sara told Catherine when she noticed the other woman watching her.

"Oh ok, great. Let's get going then." Catherine hadn't expected the brunette to come back into the house after the way she had left it. Something about this crime scene had hit the woman hard. She was pleasantly surprised that not only had she come back in she had finished processing the house. The blonde hadn't been looking forward to a couple more hours of work.

As they stowed their kits in their respective vehicles Catherine took the opportunity to observe the other woman. She still looked a little pale but with her shades on the blonde couldn't tell if the haunted look was still in her eyes. "You want to talk about it?"

At first Sara wasn't sure she had heard Catherine correctly. She wasn't sure why the blonde was reaching out now since the last time all she had gotten for her trouble was it thrown back in her face along with a few harsh words. Even though there was no way she was going to talk about it Sidle knew this time she needed to keep her cool. "It's nothing. I just suddenly felt a little queasy and needed some…"

"Air." Catherine finished for her. "Yeah I caught that what with the whole green around the gills look you had going on. So what was it about the scene that got to you? And don't tell me nothing because you looked like you had seen a ghost."

"Glanduliferum Wilhelmenia."

"What?" The apparent non sequitur momentarily threw Cath for a loop.

"It's the flower you found. Glanduliferum Wilhelmenia is an orchid commonly know as Darkness."

Catherine decided then and there that trying to get information out of Sara that she really didn't want to share was like pulling teeth. "Ok what are you a botanist now? And what does an orchid have to with you running out of that room like your pants were on fire?"

Sidle raised her brow at the exasperated statement. She had by no means run out, she had walked out a little unsteadily but she had not run. However she was trying not to start a fight so she decided to let it go. "I've seen it before. It wasn't a…good… time in my life and it threw me a little. I'm sorry I left you to process the room by yourself."

"I'm not concerned about the scene Sara, I'm concerned about you." Even with shades on she could see the surprise all over the brunette's face. A second later all emotion was wiped away. Sara was closing down again. "You're not going to tell me anything else, are you?"

"I appreciate your concern Catherine really, but I don't want to talk about. It's not something I like to think about." Sara was astonished not only that the blonde was worried about her but that she would admit it.

"Okay I'll let it go. For now. But if you ever decide to let someone in give me call." Catherine surprised herself by the offer but even more so by the fact that she meant it.

Sara bit back the retort that was on the tip of her tongue. The blonde was being nice and there was no good reason for her to piss the woman off. "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. Meet you back at the lab?"

Catherine nodded and climbed into her Denali. She pulled out right behind Sara, following her all the way back. It looked as if the truce was on for the moment; she just hoped it held until this case was finished.

TBC


	3. Part 3

I have tweaked this chapter a bit. Thanks to Zennie for the critique. I haven't written anything in nearly a year so I can use all the advice you might wish to give me. Thank you to everyone that has reviewed the story. Kimmi

Part 3

When they arrived back at the lab Sara offered to drop off all the evidence they had collected so Catherine could check in and see if there were any new cases that needed attention. The blonde had started to argue but changed her mind and decided to accept the small peace offering.

She watched Sara for a few moments through the glass walls before she headed toward her office. She changed direction at the last minute, deciding to get fresh coffee before checking in with the other members of her team. Walking into the break room Catherine found Greg and Sofia already there looking over photos of their crime scene. "Hey guys how's it going?"

"Hello Catherine, looks like we got a weird one." Sofia coolly acknowledged the other blonde.

In the past they had been on politely professional terms. After her demotion and Catherine's move to swing shift supervisor things had gotten a little strained especially after she and Grissom had failed to wait for her on the infantilism case.

"Oh yeah is it as weird as ours?" Willows asked as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

"The guy used the vic's blood to write on the wall." Greg answered her without looking up from the picture he was studying. He was still upset with Cath's lack of support of Sara following the brunette's suspension.

Catherine nearly dropped her cup. She was at the young man's side in a second, snatching the photo out of his hand. "'ME'. Our's said 'YOU'. We could have a serial. What else did you find?"

Greg shuffled through the photographs until he found the one he was looking for. "There was a weird looking flower under her head."

"She was naked, raped, lying face down and the orchid was under her face. It's the same guy." The photos Catherine was looking at could have been from the crime scene she had just left except for the word on the wall. "Greg go tell Mia to compare any DNA samples from your scene to mine. I'm going to print up our pictures. If you see Sara, fill her in and tell her to meet us in the big layout room."

Greg lifted one eyebrow at Sofia silently asking if they should follow Catherine's orders. She just shrugged at him and began gathering up everything on the table.

Catherine was printing off the pictures Sara had taken trying to figure out what the significance of the flower was and what connection it could possibly have to the younger CSI. The way the brunette had reacted to seeing it was nothing short of spooked, almost haunted. Her co-worker was definitely closed mouthed when it came to anything personal but surely she would have said something if she knew anything about the case but then again... The woman was an enigma. She was incredibly intelligent but so closed off from the rest of the world it gave her a slightly untouchable air. Of course the orchid and Sara's reaction to it could just be a coincidence.

She hadn't noticed that the photos had finished as she drifted off into an area she had labeled 'The Sara Sidle Puzzle' until someone knocked on her door. Looking up she saw Warrick standing there looking a little out of sorts and waved him in. "Don't tell me your scene was weird too."

Brown tilted his head at the greeting. "Sorry can't do it. This one was definitely strange."

"What did he write on the wall?" Catherine hung her head for a moment. She had had a sick feeling in her gut that this was just the beginning when she had seen Greg's pictures of the second crime scene.

"How did you…? Never mind. He wrote 'DID' over the bed." Warrick could see by his friend's face and by the tone of her voice that this wasn't going to be good and his own unease from seeing the carnage he had just processed came back ten-fold.

"It looks like you got the third victim of a one night serial signature killer. This guy has been really busy. We're gathering in the layout room. Get your stuff together and meet us there. I think we're all going to be in for a long night." Lucky for them no new cases had come in or they would have to start calling in day shift to cover.

"Ok, Warrick just got back and it looks like we have a third victim." Catherine announced as she entered the room. Two sets of eyes swung toward her, there should have been three. "Where's Sara?"

"I checked with the techs, they all have the evidence she dropped off but no one knows where she is." It was Greg that answered. Usually he could tell you at pretty much any given moment where the brunette was if she in the building but she seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth.

At that moment Sara was in the one place she was sure she wouldn't be found, the drying room. People rarely came in there and she was sure to have the privacy that she needed at the moment. She was huddled in the corner, arms wrapped tightly around herself as she tried desperately to stop her body's violent shaking. She had always found the small room to be peaceful but at the moment the silence was oppressive rather than comforting.

A faint smell of copper hung in the air clogging her nostrils and forced her to breathe through her mouth to avoid gagging on it and the memories it evoked. As the chill of the hard concrete seeped into her bones, chilling her to her battered soul, Sara regretted choosing this place to hide but she didn't know where else to go tobe completely alone. She had to calm down, get her emotions under control. Then she somehow had to find the courage to go back into the lab and revel something she had thought was locked away, for five life sentences.

As Warrick joined the assembled team members he handed his pictures off to Catherine. She sorted through them and found the ones she wanted. Pinning the shots of the dark man's scene next hers and Greg's she turned to the others. "Ok we have three murders linked, even without DNA or fingerprint evidence, by several different things. Number one the words written in the victim's blood. Number two position and condition of the bodies. Number three a flower under each vic's head. According to Sara it is an orchid called Darkness."

"What exactly is the killer trying to tell us?" Greg asked looking at the bloody words. He had been trying since he had first seen it to control the revulsion it summoned up. He just hoped no one had noticed how uneasy he was, the last thing he needed was for everyone ragging on him for being the rookie.

"You did me? Me did you? It really doesn't make any make any sense." Sofia threw in her two cents. She was used to talking out a scene step by step but the others on her new shift had started giving her looks like she was slightly off so she had tried to curtail the habit, when they were around anyway.

"Maybe that's because you're missing part of the message."

They all turned at the new voice. Grissom stood in the doorway clutching a stack of photos. He was coming back from the photo lab, preferring film to digital, when he had passed by and seen his crime scene up on the board.

"Oh god, not you too?" Catherine groaned. That brought the total to four. This was once sick bastard. One they needed to catch quickly.

"Yeah. Mine said 'MISS' so it looks like 'Did you miss me'. I've never seen a serial like this emerge overnight. Have you run it through VICAP yet?" Grissom asked looking at the blonde. In his mind there was no way this was their guy's first time out. He had to have done this before, somewhere.

"There's no need I can tell you who it is." Sara announced to the room in a voice rough from the tears she had shed.

TBC


	4. Part 4

I have fiddled with this chapter a bit as well. I hope I have improved it. Part 5 will be up shortly. Thank you to everyone for sticking with me.

Disclaimers and other useless information can be found in part 1.

Part 4

All eyes turned to see Sara looking as pale as a ghost. Catherine was immediately at her side. She knew she should have pushed a little harder at the scene. She led the brunette to a stool and sat her down keeping her hand on the broad shoulder to lend some kind of support. The blonde gave a shake of her head silently asking Greg, Warrick and Sofia to leave. They looked as if they wanted to argue but a glare from her sent them on their way. Whatever it was that Sara had to tell them she didn't think she would want to do it in front of more people than was necessary.

Sara waited until her co-workers were gone and Grissom had shut the door behind them before looking up. She really didn't want to talk in front of Catherine either but these were her cases, she was the supervisor and her shift had caught them even if she had called them in to help. Talking about this in front of these two people was perhaps the hardest thing she had ever had to do, harder even than telling Gil about her parents.

Grissom was someone she thought she had been in love with, and maybe she really had been, but now she knew it was more of a search for validation. She had wanted him to be what she had never had before, someone that understood and accepted her as she was. She had wanted someone that didn't go glassy eyed every time she started rambling about obscure scientific facts but more than anything she had wanted what she had never received from her parents. Love.

He had dangled her along, showing her brief glimpses of what life could be like with him, but then he would always turn away once again, leaving her bereft. Then had come that one case where she was finally made to understand. He did have feelings for her but she wasn't worth the risk. She had promised herself after that little revelation that it was over, she would no longer pine for him.

Catherine on the other hand was a horse of an entirely different color. She had long ago acknowledged her attraction to the older woman but Sara also knew without a doubt that it was completely one sided. The blonde had never made it a secret that on a good day she merely tolerated the brunette's presence and on a bad day, well she wasn't shy about showing her contempt. It was true that when they managed to really work together they were an unstoppable team but years of put downs, fights and competition had soured the younger woman but still hadn't managed to completely snuff out her desire.

It seemed to Sara that she had almost the same relationship with Cath as she did Grissom, only in reverse. Where he was kind enough to her most of the time and threw a smile or a vague come on at her every now and then, the blonde was nasty ninety percent of the time with a few random acts of kindness tossed her way to really confuse her. Of course now really wasn't the time to be reflecting on how screwed up her relationships, or rather lack of, were. They were expecting answers. "His name is Michael Wayne Thomas. He's supposed to be in Folsom serving five consecutive life sentences. I called the warden and found out that three months ago he escaped and was presumed dead. They thought he drowned in the American River after part of a body washed up a few miles downstream a few weeks after the prison break.

Twelve years ago at Berkley he raped six women and killed five of them. He stalked them. He raped them. He killed them. He left all of them that flower. The sixth managed to get away and identify him."

To Catherine, Sara's voice sounded dead it was so devoid of emotion. She knew better though. The trembling of the body beneath her hand was a huge clue.

"Twelve years ago? You were working in the San Francisco coroner's office weren't you?" Grissom asked. It seemed to him that he remembered her starting there about that time.

"No. I was still in grad school." Sara didn't want to have to spell it out for them it had been hard enough to get that much out. She didn't want to have to say the words.

"Ah so you knew the victims, had classes with them." Grissom reasoned. Her reactions and offer to be a decoy on the Strip Strangler case made much more since now. Having known the victims of another signature killer that raped his victims had made it personal for her.

As realization swept over Catherine she felt the blood drain from her face and she involuntarily tightened her grip on the woman's shoulder. There was no way any police department would release information about the flower, they would hold it back in order to get a conviction on all of the murders. There was only one way the lanky brunette could know it by sight. "Oh god, Sara." The blonde breathed out just before she enveloped the brunette in a fierce hug. Her reaction to the sight of that damn orchid made sense now. She locked eyes with Grissom and for a split second thought about letting go and throttling him at the confused look on his face.

"You were the sixth…" Catherine couldn't finish the sentence. Victim was a word she had never thought she would apply to the younger woman and she found she couldn't say it out loud.

Sara had never been hugged by Catherine before and found that it was probably the most comforting thing she had ever felt. She realized that that said something about how sad her life was. She wasn't in any hurry to break that contact even if she was confused by why it was being given. Cath didn't hug her, she rarely touched her at all, she didn't even like her. "It was the reason I left school."

As understanding finally sank in Grissom found himself becoming incredibly angry. "You didn't tell me that."

The accusation in his voice made both women look at him sharply. Catherine was about to lay into him but Sara beat her to it. "You mean when you forced me to tell you about why I got so angry about abuse cases. I only told you about my childhood because you refused to leave. You never asked why I hated rape cases. I didn't want to talk about that and I sure as hell don't want to talk about this but I don't have a choice."

Grissom suddenly found his feet very interesting. For once he understood the human condition. He was angry at the man that had hurt her but had made it sound like it was directed at her. Now she was pissed at him, hell they were both pissed off at him. He had to fix it quick. "I'm sorry Sara I didn't mean it to sound that way, I just…I'm so…"

"Angry? Ready to kill the bastard? Scared?" Catherine supplied. She had seen it in his face, in his eyes and she could understand it. She herself was furious that some psycho had put his hands on Sara, hurt her and nearly killed her. Now he was here. She was also curious as to what the two were alluding to about the lanky brunette's childhood but figured it could wait until after the current crisis had passed.

Before he could answer yes to all the above he was interrupted by a knock on the door. Before any of them could say a word the door cracked open and Nick's head appeared in the gap. "Ah Griss, Cath can I talk to you guys for a second, alone?"

"It's ok. I'm gonna go grab a cup of coffee." Sara said when it looked as if they both were going to protest. She needed to put a little distance between them and her even if she was enjoying the comfort Catherine's arms had brought. The entire conversation was taking a toll on her already bruised psyche.

Catherine wanted to argue. She didn't think that whatever Nick had to say could be more important than what they were discussing. But she figured Sara might want some time alone. The woman absolutely hated showing anything that might be conceived as weakness. Giving the brunette one last squeeze she let go and allowed her to get up.

Sara could feel three sets of eyes on her back as she left the room. She shook off the feeling of being under a microscope only to have it return as soon as she walked into the break and three new sets of eyes zoomed in on her. Greg was on his feet in a second and leading her to the couch. She sat down silently and just watched as he poured her a cup of coffee, fixing it exactly how she liked it. She gave him a genuine smile when she realized it was his forty dollar a pound special brew.

Greg breathed a little sigh of relief. When Sara had appeared in the layout room he had been beyond concerned at her pallor and the haunted look in her eyes. When they were made to leave he had rushed to the break room to start a fresh pot of coffee, digging into his secret stash. He figured she would need a pick me up and the sludge that was provided by the county wasn't going to cut it.

Sara tried to simply enjoy the rare treat but she knew she couldn't ignore the worried gazes of her co-works for much longer. She had to look up however when Greg took a seat on one side of her and Warrick sat on the other. Nether of them said a word perhaps sensing her need for silence and she was grateful just for the quiet support. She knew the questions would come soon but for now she could just sit in the warm shelter their close proximity provided.

Nick looked at the board and knew he had made the correct decision. He had only brought one picture with him but it was more than enough. The minute the Texan had seen the name written in blood he had felt his gut twist. There was no reason other than a sick hunch to connect the name with his friend but somehow he knew. He walked over and pinned his photo up next to the others. "The vic's name is Mary."

Grissom and Catherine could see why the young man had wanted them to see this without the brunette in the room. The message was complete. 'Did you miss me Sara'

Cath couldn't hold her anger back any longer. She picked up the chair Sara had been sitting in a few moments ago and threw it at the wall, tears streaming unnoticed down her cheeks. It was no coincidence, no sick twist of fate, this man had come to Vegas with a purpose. The sick bastard had killed five women just to send the brunette a message that he was coming for her.

Nick knew he was missing a crucial piece of information. The two supervisors knew something he didn't to put that look of terror on Grissom's face and to make Catherine lose it like that.

"We've got to get her protection Gil." Catherine growled at the bearded man when she had regained a little composure.

Grissom didn't bother to answer her; he already had his phone in his hand. "Brass I need you to get over here now. I'll explain when you get here. Bring a couple of uniforms with you."

The conversation, if you could call it that, was swift and to the point. He left no time for questions or arguments, only compliance.

TBC


	5. Part 5

Thank you once again for all your reviews. I hope you enjoy this next offering.

Part 5

"No."

"Sara."

"I said no. I'm not going to be locked up, put into protective custody or hidden away. I'm going home to my apartment. Alone."

Grissom, Brass, Catherine and Sara were standing in the parking lot of the CSI building, two uniforms waiting a respectable distance way. The blonde was currently blocking the brunette's car door with her body so she couldn't get in and take off.

Sara had known what they were up to the minute the homicide detective had shown up in the break room, flanked by two officers. She had looked at all of them in turn and then told them to go to hell. She wasn't going to hide. She was going home to her apartment to lie sleeplessly in her own bed.

"Damn it Sara quit being stubborn. This is your life we're talking about!" Catherine couldn't understand how she could disregard her safety so easily. It was making her angry and the headache she had developed wasn't helping matters either.

"That's right. It's my life." Sara threw at the smaller woman. "I'm not going to let this son of a bitch chase me out of my home. I'm not going to live in fear anymore. I have a gun, I'll be fine. If you want to worry about someone then worry about yourself and Lindsey."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Catherine's voice was low, dangerous. If there was any kind of threat to her daughter she wanted to know. Now.

"This guy's had twelve years in a ten by ten cell to think about this. He's had three months on the loose to find me, watch me and learn everything about me. It's what he does. He stalked us, knew every move we made. They found notebooks full, when we got up, went to sleep, where when and how much we ate, who we talked to even if was just hello. You can be damn sure he knows where each and every one of you live simply because we work together. So you take the uniforms and protect yourself and your daughter." Sara was beating herself up for not thinking of it sooner. She had been about to leave without warning the blonde and if anything had happened to her or Lindsey, it would have killed the brunette before Thomas ever had a chance to get near her. At least this little scene in the parking lot had done some good.

No matter what Sara said Catherine didn't think the guy would come after them. He had had plenty of opportunity but instead he had chosen strangers, women with no connection to the younger CSI. "We'll be fine. It's you that needs to worry about yourself."

"Cath he just killed five women to say hello! Do you really think you might not be in danger too? Thomas isn't someone you can use you're sexuality against. He doesn't care how beautiful you are! He's a monster!" Sara was about to lose it she knew that because even though they were outside in the open she was beginning to feel claustrophobic. She wanted to get away from everyone before it happened.

"God Sara! We're back to that now? Why is it that it bothers you so damn much!" This was the argument that had started the ball rolling to get Sara suspended. Catherine couldn't understand why the younger woman was so focused on this one thing. It was pissing her off.

Sara had no control left. She grabbed the smaller woman by the arms and pulled her close so that their faces were only inches apart her fear for the older woman blocking her normal restraint around Catherine. "Because you use it like a weapon and one day you're going to try to use it against the wrong person and it's going to get you hurt, or killed. That doesn't just bother me it scares the hell out of me!"

Catherine didn't struggled, she didn't try to put distance between them, instead she moved forward just slightly until there was barely a breath between them. "Why if I didn't know any better Sidle I would say you actually care about me."

"I can imagine it must be hard for you." Sara ground out as she released the blonde. They were dangerously close to each and it was sending thoughts ricocheting around her mind that were best left locked down tight. Certain libidinousness thoughts that she shouldn't have when the blonde was anywhere near her, like in the same time zone.

"What?" Catherine wasn't about to let the brunette walk away now, not when they were finally getting to the bottom of this. She stepped forward closing the slight distance Sara had created.

"Finding out you don't know everything. You know just because you hate me doesn't mean I hate you." Sara felt drained as she looked away from the piercing blue eyes boring into her. She didn't want to be having this conversation now and certainly not in the middle of a parking lot with an audience. She didn't want to have it all. In her mind letting Cath know that she cared about her was just an invitation to be mocked and ridiculed by the blonde.

The anger Catherine had felt moments before evaporated. She reached out and cupped the taller woman's chin, forcing her to look at her. "I don't hate you Sara. I've never been able to get a line on you, what makes you tick, and that frustrates me. I think I understand a little of why you are the way you are now though. I admit there have been times I've wanted to shake you senseless when you get so wrapped up in a case that you forget that anything else exists. I have entertained thoughts of strangling you when your attitude gets out of control. Once I even had a daydream of bending you over my knee and spanking you for acting like an overgrown petulant child. But, I. Do. Not. Hate. You."

Sara was speechless, her eyes wide at the statement. She was wondering if she could have misread all their fights and all the insults Catherine had thrown her way. She really didn't think she had but then again she wasn't well versed in the area of normal human interactions.

"Look I'll make a deal with you. I'll take one officer with me if you take the other." Cath was little hurt that Sara seemed so surprised by the fact that she didn't hate her. Of course she really only had herself to blame. She had never really tried to talk to her, to get the brunette to open up, to understand her. Then there were the little snide remarks she loved to toss around. Well maybe they could actually get something good out of this nightmare and finally get past all their differences and become real friends.

"All right, but he stays outside the building." It was as close as Sara would get to a compromise and only because she really did want to make sure the blonde and her child were safe.

Catherine grinned at the concession. She knew she was lucky to get that much out of the stubborn woman. "Okay but you let him clear your apartment first."

"Only if your guy stays inside the whole time." Sara couldn't believe they were negotiating this, it was completely unreal.

They locked eyes, each waiting for the other to refuse. When it didn't come Sara held out her hand.

Cath looked down at the offered appendage for a second before she shook it. "Deal, but just so you know when this is over you and I are going to have a very long talk young lady."

Sara dreaded it and looked forward to it at the same time. She was more than a little afraid of some of the secrets that could be reveled if she let her walls down to far, but she also found she wanted to let Catherine in just a little. She just had to hope that they might finally get past all their differences and build something better. Of course just about anything would be better than what they had now. "Ok. We really should talk about this fantasy of yours about spanking me. I never knew you were into kink."

Sara hadn't been able to help herself, she needed to lighten the situation a little and take the focus off what was happening. Her brain of course had latched onto that statement and run away with it. She couldn't resist teasing the other woman even though she knew for certain she hadn't meant it that way. She was supremely pleased with herself when Catherine's jaw started moving but no sound came out. She had succeeded for the first time in over five years in making the woman speechless.

Catherine couldn't seem to get her mouth to work. She hadn't meant it like that! Of course now that the idea was planted… She couldn't help herself staring at the brunette's shapely backside as she walked over to the others. She mentally slapped the thoughts away. This was not the time or the place to suddenly decide she wouldn't mind seeing her co-worker's ass sans jeans. She managed to get her legs working and joined the others in time to hear Sara telling one of the officers he was to go with her and the other with Cath.

Sara pointedly ignored Grissom and Brass. She was still pissed at them. They had informed her that she wasn't going to finish her shift and that she wasn't going to be able to work any cases until they caught this guy. Their reasoning that he could follow her to a crime scene was in her opinion complete bullshit. There were officers on the scenes and it wasn't like he was going to shoot her with a high powered rifle, that wasn't his style. She felt that she would be safer doing her job than anywhere else. They hadn't seen it that way. Well she wasn't going to make this easy on them. She had meant what she had told Catherine. She wasn't going to hide. She wasn't going to let Michael Thomas control her life. She wasn't going to be afraid of him anymore.

Grissom had watched the entire exchange with interest. He had sent Sara to Catherine's scene tonight in the hopes that they would find a way to work out their problems. When they really worked together they were the best team the lab had. Something about the two women seemed to click, on a case if not personally, and made them a force to be reckoned with.

After the latest incident between them he had decided that something needed to be done. It seemed that maybe for once his timing was right on the money, even if the events that had precipitated it were terrifying. Maybe it was time he reevaluated his own relationship with the brunette.

Brass had his own worries as he watched the two women part and it wasn't just for their safety. He was afraid that this would send Sara spiraling back down into dangerous risk taking behavior. They hadn't really talked about her drinking except that one time, in words anyway. They had developed a silent language of raised eyebrows, gentle grins and various nods to convey what they were thinking. The brunette had opened up to him almost without saying a word. It was a strange relationship but one he treasured.

He had come to think of the intense young woman as a daughter and he would do whatever it took to protect her. It seemed that maybe he wasn't the only one when he heard Catherine quietly tell the officer that once they were out of sight he was to follow them to Sara's. Once they were gone the homicide detective quietly told the blonde that he was going to send someone over to her place, just in case and was happy when she didn't argue. He pulled the two remaining CSI's into the building with him, wanting to get started on finding the son of a bitch that was threatening his girl.

TBC


	6. Part 6

Part 6

A/N: Sorry this part took so long but I read what I had written and decided it was utter crap. So I threw it all out and started over, twice. I still don't think it's any good, and I will probably change it later but I've spent too much time on it and want to move on.

Warning: I tried to not make this chapter overly graphic but it may still be disturbing.

Sara was quickly losing her mind. She had arrived home four hours ago and mindful of her deal with Catherine had dutifully allowed the officer to clear the apartment while she stood anxiously in the hallway outside. It had been more than a little nerve wracking to have a complete stranger in her home looking in the closets, behind all the doors and under the bed as she was a private person by nature.

Once she had seen the uniformed cop out the door she had plopped herself down on the sofa with a beer and attempted to find something on TV. She tried to distract herself, unsuccessfully, from remembering the mind numbing terror she had felt at waking up and feeling his cold clammy hands moving over her skin as his weight pressed her deep into the mattress. She had been so scared and disoriented that at first she had just laid there until she realized what was happening.

She turned up the volume when she could have sworn she heard the ripping sound her clothes had made as he tore them off her body. The night had been cold, fall spinning quickly into winter, and the night air had raised goose bumps over her naked flesh. The full autumn moon had streamed in through the thin curtains covering her window, giving her a good, but eerie look at his face. Then he had been inside her, the pain of the sudden forced violation making her cry out. She had started screaming then, hoping someone would hear her, but the party going on down the hall made it unlikely.

His putrid breath had made her gag as he tried to kiss her, turning her face to the side to avoid his mouth her eyes had locked onto the strange flower lying by her head. The sight of it, some sick twisted romantic gesture, had stirred a rage in her so sharp she thought it might cut her from the inside out, and Sara had blindly struck out trying to fight him off.

Her fists had done little to deter him, and then her hand had brushed against the cheap lamp on her nightstand. She had desperately grasped for it, bring it down over his head with terror fueled strength. The first hit had dazed him and the second had nearly knocked him out. She had pushed him off her and ran for the door, clutching her torn clothing, trying to cover herself. By the time she had found help and the cops had shown up, he was gone.

Sara leapt up and ran out to her balcony to take deep breaths of the clear night air as the smell of his cheap cologne assaulted her nose. She knew it wasn't real but that didn't stop the bile from rising bitterly in her throat and the cold sweat breaking out on her body.

Letting the cool wind of the desert night sweep over her Sara wished she could see the stars. Even though she lived a couple miles from the strip the bright lights from the casinos obliterated the view of the night sky. She briefly entertained the thought of sneaking out of her apartment and driving out into the desert to get a better view but knew how dangerous that would be. No matter how self destructive she had been the last few months, she didn't want to die.

When she was a kid Sara had often snuck out her bedroom window and into the tree next to the house to get away from the yelling and fighting. She couldn't go far just in case on of her parents came looking for her because if they had ever caught her out there the punishment would have been swift and extremely painful.

Sara sighed and went back inside. Thinking about her childhood wasn't much better than thinking about Michael Thomas. She had spent the first thirteen years of her life in a certifiable nightmare. Her father beat her mother, her mom hit her dad and they both hit her and her brother. Steve had left home the minute he graduated high school when she was eight and that had left only her in the house as the lone recipient of their parents' fury. Then one night her entire existence had been turned upside down.

Being dragged out of bed in the middle of the night wasn't an unusual event. This time though Sara had known something was different. Her mother had a wild look in her eye that she had never seen before. The next few minutes were a blur until she saw the knife in her mother's hand. Her father, drunk and passed out, never stirred as the woman stood over him until the blade sank into his chest. By the time he was aware of what was happening to him, it was too late. Ten more times her mother had struck, his blood falling like red rain each time she raised her hand until the entire room was covered in splatter.

She had spent the majority of her life trying to forget the two most traumatic events of her life and in the last few weeks she had had both shoved down her throat. First Grissom had badgered her until she finally broke down and told him about her childhood and how her mother had murdered her father. Now the monster that had stolen the last shred of innocence she had, had killed five women, before coming after her, was back. Five women once again raped and slaughtered with a message to her in their blood, he was repeating the pattern.

Sara was ready to scream, the more she tried not to think about what was going on the more it plagued her. She had no idea what she was going to do with herself if Grissom and Brass refused to let her come into the lab for any length of time. At least when she had been suspended for a week she had been able to leave the apartment if she wanted to without fear or a police escort. It was one thing to say she wasn't going to let Michael Thomas scare her out of her home, it was another thing to be trapped in it.

Grabbing another beer Sara racked her brain for something to do. She needed to distract herself from the shocking events of the day but it seemed to be of no use, her mind refused to let it go. Yesterday her life had been trudging along its normal routine and today it was completely turned upside down. The man that had changed the course of her life was once again hunting her.

After the attack Sara had tried to continue with her studies but she began seeing Thomas lurking around every corner even after he was caught. She wondered incessantly everywhere she went if he had been behind that bush or in that doorway, watching her. She had never felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up or gotten a chill down her spine or any of the things that are supposed to happen when someone is stalking you. She hadn't known she was in danger and she was afraid she wouldn't know if it was happening again.

She hadn't had a plan when she left school and had stumbled onto the job with the coroner by accident. Needing money and a new place to live it had seemed as if there really wasn't a choice. Working there a few years she had become familiar with the CSI's and Sara had found a crusade which had eventually led her to Vegas. This of course was where she had met a blonde, blue-eyed, bossy, opinionated, stubborn, headstrong, dedicated, intelligent, beautiful goddess that had never made it a secret that she didn't want the brunette around. Sure Catherine had told her today that she didn't hate her, but she hadn't said she liked her either.

She had wanted Catherine's friendship but would have settled for her respect and for a time it looked like she might be making headway, after Eddie's murder though it seemed as if she would never have either. She had tried to ignore the other feelings she had for the blonde pushing them to the furthest recesses of her mind, categorizing them as an exercise in futility and masochism but had always failed miserably. It seemed as if once that vivacious woman got into your system there was no cure. While Sara had never limited attraction to something as insignificant as gender she knew that Cath was as straight as they came and would most definitely never want her.

She sank further into the soft cushions of her couch letting her head fall back as the memory of Catherine's arms wrapped around her swept through her. That one embrace was enough to bring every hope, every dream, every late night longing rushing back to the surface. Sara closed her eyes and let it come, reliving every second of the contact she hadn't had time to think about at the time. The warmth of her body, the feel of her perfect breasts pressed intimately against her back and safety and security of those strong arms wrapped around her, it was a much more pleasant activity than thinking about the horrors of her past and the uncertainty of her future.

Sara had no idea how long she had drifted around her apartment lost in thoughts of her blonde co-worker when she was forcefully thrown back into reality by a knock at her door. She gave a sigh thinking it was probably Grissom or one of the guys coming by to check on her or hopefully give her some news. Not wanting to have to justify herself to her boss if it was him she went to grab for the beer bottles sitting on the coffee table and furrowed her brow wondering when she had drank another two. She clearly remembered the first couple but had no memory of the second set. She shrugged it off as stress and carried the bottles with her, dropping them in the trash can on the way.

Peering through the peephole Sara was surprised to see the cop that had escorted her home. Wondering why he was up there instead of out front keeping an eye out for Michael Thomas she opened the door.

Catherine was finding it hard to concentrate. Her conversation with Sara out in the parking lot was weighing heavily on her mind. She had told her the truth when she said she didn't hate her but she could understand how she had gotten that impression. She knew she had a temper and that she tended to take it out on those around her, she just hadn't realized how often it had been the brunette that had drawn her ire. Now she was regretting every cutting remark, every put down, every glare she had sent the younger woman. She had never really made an attempt to befriend her.

Why was that? What was it about the lanky brunette that had made her keep her at arms length? Sure Sara wasn't the most social person but then neither was Grissom and she counted him as one of her dearest friends. Was it the fact that Gil had brought her, another woman, a stranger in to investigate Warrick? Catherine had let that bias her before she had ever gotten a chance to know Sara and she had never really attempted to change it. Then there was the relentless way she pursued a case, forgoing sleep and food. Maybe it was her arrogant attitude, the way she got territorial and bitchy if someone suggested they could do a better job? Of course they all got protective of their cases but Sidle seemed to take it personally.

A realization hit her like a ton of bricks. Of course Sara would take it personally. The job was her life. She wasn't just looking for justice for the victims but also for herself. She needed to solve cases to fight her own demons. She wasn't just empathic when it came to their pain, she was reliving her own. God she had been so stupid. The signs had been there but she hadn't been able to put them together, or maybe she hadn't wanted to.

Silently vowing to make up for every cross word she had ever thrown the brunette's way Catherine went back to going over every millimeter of the sheets from their scene. If she had to stay there all night to find one shred of evidence, she would. They had to find this guy before he got a chance to go after Sara again, before he had a chance to take her away from them.

TBC


	7. Part 7

Part 7

All I can say is work sucks! Thanks again for all the reviews.

Sitting alone in his office, surrounded by the detritus of his career, Grissom was beginning to realize what he had thrown away now that it might be taken by force. Sara had once offered to give him what he had longed for for years but fear had made him turn her down. He knew what the ramifications would be if they got involved. One or both of them could lose their jobs if it became known, supervisors did not date the people they supervised. All that they had worked for would be lost. Then there was the possibility that it wouldn't work out and then he wouldn't even have her friendship. He would rather have that, strained as it was of late, then nothing at all because he knew without a doubt if they began a romantic relationship and it ended Sara would leave Vegas.

So the question remained. Was he going to let his fear continue to rule him or take a chance on the future? Did he want to risk everything for her? He loved her, there was no doubt in his heart about that, he had for a very long time. But could he take that leap, could he throw himself off that cliff and hope that she would be there to catch him? He was beginning to think the answer might be yes.

He remembered when he had first met Sara at a seminar soon after she had become a level 1 CSI. The physical attraction had been instant but it was her razor sharp mind and obvious enthusiasm for the job that had really drawn him. She had cornered him after his last talk and proceeded to pick his brain with question after question. When he realized how late it was he had suggested that they continue their discussion over dinner and she had readily accepted.

They had discussed all areas of forensics at length but anytime the conversation touched on anything remotely personal Sara had shied away and steered them back to work related topics. Grissom had been amazed at just how young she was as she blushed prettily when he complimented her knowledge and suggested they keep in touch. And they had kept in touch, sporadic as it was, through emails and a few phone calls. Over the years he had managed to forget how beautiful she was until he had asked her to come to Vegas.

The moment he had seen her again Gil knew he was in trouble. The years since he had last laid eyes on her had not just been kind to her they had only served to make her even more alluring. And so he had begun a dangerous dance with Sara. He had tried to control himself but every so often he would slip and say something totally inappropriate, pulling her close and then shoving her away again as sanity reasserted itself. He was her boss, he wasn't supposed to want her, but he did. His longing for her became deeper the longer he was around her and his reaction was to push her further away. It was a destructive pattern that wasn't just hurting him, it was hurting her and it had to stop. They couldn't continue on as they had been, it was completely unfair to them both. He had to either accept the fact that he was in love with her or let her go.

He tried to imagine his life without her in it and found that he couldn't. The thought alone was enough to make his heart feel like someone was squeezing it in a vice. It made him want to sob. He hung his head trying to stay in control. If it felt this bad just thinking about it if it actually happened it would likely break him. He made his decision. He only hoped he wasn't too late.

Catherine swore she was going cross-eyed from staring into the microscope for so long. She didn't know how Sara could do this for hours without going blind or developing scoliosis, she had a newfound respect for the brunette's work ethic. She however needed a break, coffee and to stretch her legs. Stepping into the break room she found that she wasn't the only one with that idea. "Hey Nick any luck?"

"I've found a ton of trace. It's almost like the guy planted it or just didn't care about transfer. What about you?" The Texan had been getting more and more frustrated as the hours wore on. All night he had been bouncing between wanting to hit something and crying, the emotional roller coaster was taking its toll on him. Sara was more than a co-worker or even a friend. She was part of his family, a sister that he dearly loved. He hated the fact that because of the team being split he rarely got to see her beyond a quick cup of coffee in the break room or a passing hello in the halls. He missed working cases with her, talking it out, watching her adorable gap-toothed smile when she found the piece of evidence. He missed having breakfast with her, drinks with her, lunch with her. He missed her.

He realized with a start that they hadn't had many of those even before Ecklie had broken up graveyard. It took him a minute of hard thinking to pinpoint when it had started. After the explosion in the lab she had changed but it wasn't until Grissom had recommended him over her for the lead CSI position that she had really withdrawn. How could he have not noticed that? Once this was over he was going to sit Sara down and make sure she understood just how much she meant to him.

"Same here. We'll have to compare all of it and hope something stands out." Catherine said before taking a sip on her coffee. She grimaced when she realized it was stone cold. As she turned to the sink to pour it out she could feel Nick's eyes following her.

"Cath what's really going on? There has to more to it than Sara put the guy away. The way you and Grissom reacted…" He had wanted to ask before but things had gotten a little heated. Now that he had the older woman alone he needed answers. The thought of some psycho stalking Sara was making him see red. He knew from experience what it felt like, as if all the air had been sucked out of the room and you were slowly suffocating.

All she and Grissom had told the team was that someone Sara had put away had escaped from prison. They had left out the how, letting them assume it was in an official capacity. The brunette didn't want it to become common knowledge around the lab and they were doing their best to keep that from happening.

"It's just what we said Nicky. Yeah we reacted kind of badly but we're just concerned for her safety. Look I'm starving and the sludge left in the pot is unsuitable for human consumption. I'm going to walk down to the deli and grab some food and decent coffee. You want to go with?" Catherine wanted to get his focus off their current conversation and she could tell he knew it but was willing to let it go.

"Naw I nuked burrito earlier. I'm going to get back to work. The sooner we find this guy the better." He didn't begrudge her food but he did resent the fact that she was still lying to him. He knew she was just by the look on her face.

"Nick have you seen Catherine?"

Stokes tore his gaze away from the fibers he had been studying to look at his former supervisor. "She said she was going to the deli but that was over an hour ago. She should have been back by now."

"I've looked all over the lab, tried paging and calling her cell. No answer. Would you go over there and get her back here? We've got to start correlating all this trace and I need her help." Grissom was beginning to get a little worried. It wasn't like the blonde to stay gone this long especially under the circumstances.

Nick hurried out without a word. He never should have let her go alone, not with a maniac on the loose. It was something they had all done a hundred times, a quick trip, a block and a half. He never stopped to think that something might happen to her; if it had he would blame himself until his last breath.

The Texan ran the entire way to the deli and burst through the door gasping for breath. A quick look around the small restaurant revealed that the blonde wasn't there and a question to the girl behind the counter that she hadn't been in all night. Nick started back to the lab at a slower pace checking the ground as he went. Half a block from CSI his worst nightmare came true.

Tossed almost casually into the ditch were Catherine's purse, badge, cell and pager. The only thing missing was her gun. With shaking hands Nick grabbed for his own phone and hit speed dial.

'Grissom'

"We have a big problem." Nick couldn't keep the tears out of his voice seeing as how they were now streaming down his face.

'Nick calm down and tell me what's wrong.'

"Cath's gone." He choked on the words and had to swallow the rising bile before he could continue. "She never made it to the deli. I found her things but she's not here."

'Where are you?'

"Half a block, I can see the lab from here. Bring a kit." She had been snatched almost from under their noses.

Nick continued to stare at the blonde's belongings fighting the urge to pick them up, to hold onto them, onto her. This nightmare of a day was getting worse. It only took a couple of minutes for Grissom to get there but it felt like a year. The man was breathing hard and he seemed to have a death grip on his kit. "I should have gone with her, she asked me to go with her. Why did I say no? Damn it!"

"Nicky you had no way of knowing. What if you had been here? You could be laying here dead and she would still be gone. You can't blame yourself. Now help me process this so we can find her." Pulling out two sets of gloves Gil looked over to the parking lot where only a few short hours ago Sara had warned Catherine she might need a body guard. It was terrifying how prophetic it had turned out to be.

They bagged the items lying on the thin strip of grass and took pictures of a few skid marks. There was disheartening little to process. It looked like the car may have been parked next to the curb and the perp had simply grabbed her. But why take the time to throw out her things? Why not wait until he had less chance of being interrupted and caught? The only answer Grissom could think of was the guy wanted them to know he had taken her from their doorstep.

The ringing of his cell phone interrupted Gil's ruminations and he fumbled with numb fingers to answer it. "Grissom."

'It's Brass. I need you to…'

"Jim I can't go anywhere right now. We have a situation. Catherine's missing." His voice was controlled, even though he wanted to scream as he interrupted the detective.

'Shit. Well I have more bad news. The cops I had sitting on Sara failed to check in so I went by to check on her. She's gone and the two uniforms are dead.'

Grissom felt like he was going to pass out. The world was spinning at a furious rate and he couldn't keep up. The next thing he knew he was on the ground with Nick standing over him speaking to Brass. This was what it felt like to have the ground fall out from under you. This was what it felt like to have your world shattered. His best friend and the woman who was the love of his life were gone and they were no where near finding the monster responsible.

TBC


	8. Part 8

Part 8

Thank again to all the reviewers, it means a lot to me that you take the time to tell me what you think.

When Warrick got the call from Brass to grab some help and get over to Sara's as quickly as he could, this wasn't what he had expected to find. He had afraid that he would be investigating his friend's murder, not her abduction and two dead cops.

As they surveyed the carnage in Sara's front hall Brown wished he had been able to find anyone to come with him besides Greg. The newest CSI not only had had a crush on the brunette from the second she walked into the lab but she was now overseeing his training. With the split of the original night shift they had gotten closer and it was showing on his pale drawn face.

"Hey Greggo, you ok man?" Warrick could see the younger man turning slightly green. He could understand the reaction, he never wanted to step into one of his friends homes again and see something like that.

Greg could only shake his head, fearing that if he opened his mouth the clinching and lurching of his stomach would escalate into a full blown explosion. The spiky haired CSI managed to stumble out without contaminating the scene as his middle gave another violent flip. That was Sara's apartment. There was blood in Sara's apartment, blood on Sara's walls and Sara wasn't there.

Warrick waited for the younger man to pull himself together after empting his stomach over the rail before he joined him on the landing. "Look we're going to have to divide and conquer. Go back downstairs and process the car and Corporal Jansen. I'll work up here."

Greg looked like he wanted to argue for a moment but one look through the front door quelled it. Warrick didn't think any less of him for getting sick. It wasn't everyday that you walked into a friend's home to see blood spatter covering her deep purple walls and pooling darkly under a dead cop that was supposed to be protecting her. He watched him stagger down the stairs for a second before turning his attention back to the coroner.

"Time of death is approximately two hours ago. Officer Hankins' throat was cut with enough force to nearly decapitate him. TOD is the same for Corporal Jansen but his neck was broken." Doc Robbins informed them quietly, it just didn't feel right to speak louder. When Brass had requested that he personally come to pronounce and collect the bodies he had assumed it was because they were police officers. It wasn't until he had arrived that he learned the whole terrible truth.

"No sign of forced entry or a struggle inside the apartment. It doesn't look like the action got any farther than the front door." Brass spoke just as softly as the coroner had. He had been trying to control the fear and anger that had welled up in him the moment he had arrived and found the officer dead downstairs. He had run up the three flights of stairs, heart in his throat, to find Sara gone and a bloody mess inside her home. He hadn't thought it could get any worse until his phone call to Grissom. Now both women were missing and presumably in the hands of a psychotic rapist murderer. Of course he had opted not to tell Warrick and Greg about Catherine, he wanted their full attention on this crime scene.

Sara's small hallway didn't leave much room to maneuver but Warrick squeezed himself in beside the other two men. "There's blood on the outside of the door but none on the doorstep. The only blood on the landing are the footprints from the suspect and Sara. It looks like he was practically dragging her out of there. See the way the right foot is smeared. I'd say Hankins was inside, with the door open when his throat was cut and then Thomas forced her out." He started snapping pictures wanting to get the scene processed as quickly as possible. He would be glad to get away from the nightmarish images running through his head the longer he had to look at the blood on Sara's walls. He just didn't know how he was going to break the news to the rest of the team.

In the parking lot Greg was processing the car on autopilot. Sara had always been there for him, always had his back even when he was annoying the hell out of her. She would drop everything to help someone and he just couldn't believe that when she really needed him, he hadn't been there. He had let her down.

Sara had become more to him than just a friend, more than just a schoolboy crush. She was him mentor. The brunette had taken him under her wing to teach him the tools of the trade. She watched over him but allowed him room to try on his own before correcting him. He was sure that she would have gotten tired of answering his endless questions after a week or two but she was still right there with a ready answer and a grin on her face.

The only thing that was holding Greg together at this point was the fact that they weren't photographing her dead body. They still had a chance to get her back. He just wouldn't let himself think about what shape she might be in when they did.

Catherine awoke to a high school marching band in her head. She was in a small room with cold gray concrete walls, no windows and only a bare bulb for light. It took her a minute to figure out how she had come to be there. She had been walking toward the deli, had just passed a car parked on the side of the road, a blinding flash of pain and then nothing. She never saw who or what had hit her but she knew she must have been struck hard.

Trying to bring her hands up to inspect the damage Cath was stopped by the restraints binding her wrists to the small cot she was lying on. Terror shot through her like a bullet. The brunette had warned her, insisted she and Linds have protection. Oh god Lindsey! Was her daughter all right? Was she here? What about Sara? Had he gotten to her too? Had anyone missed her yet? How long had she been unconscious?

Her breath was coming fast and hard and her heart slamming was into her chest like a jackhammer. Catherine knew she was panicking. She was beginning to hyperventilate. She closed her eyes trying desperately to calm down. It wouldn't do her any good to pass out. She had just managed to slow her breathing when the door creaked open, making her gasp as she got her first look at her captor.

She shouldn't have been surprised but she was. The man looked normal. About six feet tall with dark brown hair and rugged good looks but his eyes set him apart. They were so cold and shining with what she could only think was madness that Catherine couldn't stop the shudder that ran through her body. The brown orbs were so dark they were almost black, soulless, and they were staring at her, through her.

Michael smiled at his prize. She was perfect. She would be the linchpin of his plan, the ultimate pawn. He was going to enjoy this very much.

Catherine recoiled as the man reached out and caressed her cheek. She had to swallow hard to keep the bile down. She had never been this frightened in all her life, not when she was dancing and one of the perverts got a little rough and not even when she had been attacked at a crime scene. This time she was on her own, there was no help in the next room or outside the door, she was alone.

"The fear in your eyes is intoxicating; I could drink it like a fine wine." Michael grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at him when she would have turned away. "You have a beautiful little girl. She's going to be quite the heartbreaker one day I dare say just like her mother." He let his hand trail down her neck, stopping just before the swell of her breast before jerking his hand away. She was not to be his; she was a tool, a thing to be used to get what he really wanted.

"If you touch a hair on her head I will kill you." She should have listened to Sara; she should have sent the officer to her house. Oh god please let her little girl be ok. His laughter sent new chills running through her; she had never heard anything so evil.

"As much as I am loving this I have to tell you that she is much too young for my tastes. She's also a little too blonde as I'm sure you know I prefer brunettes. You now, hmmm, I could almost change my mind for you." It was the truth, she was an extremely attractive woman and the fire in her eyes made him want to break her but that would ruin his plans. He had spent to long making sure it would be perfect to mess up now. He only had to wait a little longer.

Catherine hadn't prayed since the night she had pulled Lindsey out of that half submerged car in the pouring rain. She was praying now.

TBC


	9. Part 9

A/N: Here is where we find out just how demented my little brain is. I should probably seek professional help.

Thanks for all the reviews, they mean a lot to me. The villain's full name is Michael Wayne Thomas, I'm sorry if switching back and forth has caused any confusion.

Part 9

Sara was kicking herself. How fucking stupid could she be? Sure she had checked the peep hole in the door. Recognizing the cop Brass had sent home with her she didn't even think twice about opening the door. If she just hadn't had that forth beer or had noticed the look of fear in the officer's eyes. If she had fought back harder, forget the fact he had the uniform's gun. If she had just taken her own gun with her to the door. If if if. She hadn't and now there was no going back.

The second she had opened the door Thomas had appeared from behind the cop and kicked her. It force of the blow had sent Sara flying backward, her head impacting the floor hard. She had remained conscious although she wished she hadn't. The second they were in the door Michael had slit the man's throat. She didn't even know his name because she had been to upset to even bother to ask. Though she doubted she would ever forget the look on his face as he grabbed his neck, trying to keep his life from spraying all over her walls. It was sure to haunt her dreams for years to come, providing she survived.

Sara was just glad she had insisted that Catherine take a uniform with her. The last thing she needed was more guilt over getting someone else hurt or killed, especially the blonde. It wasn't just that fact that she had meant what she said about caring about her. It also had a lot to do with the fact that she had a child, a daughter that no longer had a father. She still felt incredibly guilty about not being able to find Eddie's murderer but if that little girl was made an orphan because of her… there was no way she would be able to live with her self.

The thought entered her mind again even though she tried to keep it out that she probably wouldn't live long enough to find out much less feel guilty. She was strapped to a bed in a cold little room with no windows and no way out. The single door was bolted from the outside, she had seen the heavy bar when he had dragged her to a stop and opened it.

What she hadn't figured out yet was why he hadn't even touched her yet. He had left her alone in her tiny cell for what had to be hours. Even before he left there hadn't been anything more that a pat on the head. He had been almost gentle, reverent even. It scared her. She had expected to be dragged into her bedroom, raped and murdered. This strange turn of events had thrown her and left her completely unbalanced, she didn't know what to expect next.

Sara jumped as much as her bonds would allow as the thick metal door was thrown open to revel Thomas. She felt her heart speed up at the insane glint in his dark eyes as he slowly came toward her. This was it. Now she was going to be raped and killed. He had brought her here just so he could take his time. Well even with her hands tied she wasn't going to go quietly

Michael gazed down at Sara. He could see the fear in her eyes but there was a core of iron there as well. She was glaring back at him, challenging him despite her fear. He knew that once she was completely his they would be unstoppable.

Sara held her breath as Thomas sat down on the tiny cot next to her, hands in his lap. He hadn't spoken a word to her since he had dragged her out her front door. She had expected him to rant and rave, to tell her in detail what he was going to do, but he had been quite thus far. His silence only made her that much more frightened of him.

"I'm sorry I was gone so long Sara but I had to pick up a very important package." He reached out and ran his hand through her hair, fanning it out on the thin dirty pillow. He chose to ignore the way she recoiled from his touch, she would learn. "You have questions. I can see them in those beautifully expressive eyes of yours."

Sara did indeed have questions but she was loath to ask them lest they provoke him. She wanted to delay the inevitable for as long as possible.

He waited for a minute until it was obvious that she wouldn't speak. She was the strong silent type, so dark and enigmatic; it was one of the first things that had drawn him to her. "You are wondering why you are still alive, why you are untouched. If I had escaped from prison five years ago you would be dead but I understand so much better now. It took me many years to figure it out why you were allowed to live.

It came to me one night in a dream, a vision. I was never meant to kill you I was meant to help you realize your full potential. You see we're the same you and me. We are two sides of the same coin. You just need a little push in the right direction. I started you on the path and now it's time for you to complete your journey."

"The same?" Sara was too surprised and repulsed to keep her tongue. "You're a murderer and a rapist. I am nothing like you; I put people like you away."

"I know that you say that now but trust me, by the time I'm finished you will not only be like me, you will be me my dear Sara. I grew up in a house like yours. Almost a day didn't go by when I didn't feel my father's hatred, usually in the form of his fists beating me black and blue. I had six broken bones before I even started kindergarten. I often went hungry because he told me I didn't deserve food. Of course my mother was no better. She would just watch as he hit me. But then he killed my mother, beat her to death. She was weak, unlike your mother. Do you remember what the knife looked like as she plunged it into him over and over? Do you remember the way the blood looked on the walls and on your clothes? Do you remember how it smelled?" Thomas asked her eagerly. All his information was second hand, he wanted to hear it directly from her, every little detail. He wanted to absorb it, make it part of himself, just like he wanted to do with her.

"How do you know about my parents?" Sara's voice sounded small to her ears as she recalled her question to Grissom the night she got suspended. 'Do you think there's a murder gene?' He had of course assured her that there wasn't but here was this monster telling her that they had the same upbringing. She shook her head vehemently trying to deny that they were anything alike. They couldn't be.

Michael pushed a lock of stray hair out of her face. He knew she hated it when it fell into her eyes. "I followed you for much longer than the others you know. You were the first to get my attention but I saved you for last because you intrigued me. You tried so hard to fit in, to be just like the rest of the sheep but you stood out like a cut diamond surrounded by dirt.

I broke into the Registrar's office and made a copy of your file, found out where you were from. I visited your hometown, talked to people, went to the library and dug up old newspaper articles. I managed to get a copy of the trial transcript from the Modesto Courthouse and then I went to see your mother." He could see the disbelief in her eyes. He didn't blame her. She was only beginning to find out just how important to him she was, how special she had been to him even before he knew why. "She was still quite angry at you and very very bitter. She really didn't have nice things to say. She talked about you the way my mother used to talk about me."

It was surreal. He was talking as if they were having a leisurely conversation about the weather or the next big blockbuster coming out. It was hard for Sara to comprehend just how much this man knew about her, the lengths he had gone through. She didn't know what to say or even if there was anything to say. How could someone she had never even seen before the night he had raped her fixate on her so completely?

"You're very intelligent Sara, so I want you to answer a question for me. How long can a person go with food, water and oxygen?" Michael asked sweetly. He of course already knew the answer but he wanted to see if she would tell him the truth.

Sara thought about not answering but figured she should try to keep him calm for as long as possible, hopefully she could give the lab more time to find her before he killed her. "Three weeks without food, three days without water and three minutes without air as a general rule."

She was putting on a brave face for him, he could tell. She was scared but she was trying to hide it. He felt a welling of pride that she had such spirit and he couldn't wait to twist it, pull it and reshape it. "Well let's start with air shall we?"

He moved so quickly that she didn't even have time to blink before he was squeezing her neck so hard she though her head might pop off. She wanted to struggle, fight back, but could only move a few inches. She wanted to scream but couldn't, the only sound that escaped was a sick, wet gurgle. The pain made the seconds stretch into hours until at last she had to close her eyes. The feel of his large hands around her throat, the burning in her lungs and pounding of her blood through her veins were the last things Sara felt before darkness claimed her. She really didn't want to die.

I'm not dead, was the first thing her mind grasped as consciousness returned. The meager light in the room nearly blinded her as Sara opened her eyes. She wished she hadn't as she saw her captor smiling down at her.

"Now wasn't that fun?" Her struggles had sent happy happy joy joy feelings through him. "You know the look on your face reminded me of the time we spent together all those years ago. I wish we could have a repeat performance but unfortunately that's not part of the program."

Sara tried to take several deep breaths even though the pain in her throat was excruciating. She didn't know if he was going to repeat the process. The strip strangler had choked his victims over and over before finally killing them. She wondered for a brief second how many times a person could be denied oxygen to the point of passing out before brain damage began to occur.

Michael watched as Sara struggled to breathe. There was such a heady feeling of power in taking someone to the very edge of death and then bringing them back. It was almost as good as pushing them over that cliff and watching the light as it was snuffed permanently from their eyes. He would have to repeat this little exercise later but for now he had other plans. He smiled down at her and raised his hand over his head.

Sara knew what was coming and tried to brace herself as Thomas' fist went up. She was a little surprised though that the blown landed to her mid-section instead of her face but the pain was exactly what she had expected. She tried not to scream but as each blow landed the pain increased until she couldn't hold back.

She didn't know how long the beating went on, she wasn't even sure when it stopped, all she knew was that when she finally forced herself to open her eyes she was alone once again. The attack had been brutal but for some reason he had avoided her head. Sara tried to take stock of her injuries moving as much as her restraints would allow. She didn't think he had broken any bones but her entire body felt as if she had been hit by a truck, backed over and hit again. The brunette wished she could just pass out.

The second the screaming started Catherine began to cry. They were bloodcurdling and filled with pain. Cath was sure they would haunt her for the rest of her life. She knew without a doubt who it was and the longer it went on the harder the tears fell. She didn't know what exactly Thomas was doing to Sara but she knew it had to be horrible. The most she had ever heard out the brunette when she was injured was a grunt and some light swearing, for her to scream that way she must be in unimaginable agony.

She had no real concept of time as she lay there. The only other sounds besides Sara's cries were her own body wracking sobs. During her years as a CSI Cath had seen so many of the horrible things one human being could inflect upon another. She just wasn't sure if the man that had them was really human any more.

Catherine felt a knife-like fear cut through her heart as the screams stopped. She didn't know what was worse, the screams or the lack of them. The silence could mean Thomas had stopped whatever it was he was doing to hurt the brunette or it could mean that nothing else would ever be able to harm her again. That thought brought on a new torrent of tears. She could only hope that the younger woman was still alive even if it meant that she would most likely suffer further at the hands of this madman. Bones healed and emotional traumas could be dealt with, there was no cure for death. The sound of a key turning in the lock of her prison door snapped Catherine into focus.

Michael looked down onto the reclining beauty. She really was nearly perfect. A few flaws here and there due to the passage of time but he thought it only made her all the more alluring. Her body was still in excellent shape, no doubt from her time spent as a dancer. He could understand why she had captured his Sara's interest. Their exchange in the parking lot had been very enlightening for him. Having ensconced himself nearby, he had heard everything. The passionate way they spoke to each other, the way they stood so close, they way Sara had held her had told him that the blonde was exactly the one he needed.

He released the straps holding her down and checked to make sure she hadn't damaged her wrists. He didn't want her marred; she needed to be pristine for Sara. "I thought you might be hungry and thirsty."

Catherine sat up slowly and glanced down at the end of the bunk at the plain brown paper bag. She had seen it when he entered the room but assumed that no matter what he had said before she was about to find out exactly what he had done to Sara. She watched as he pulled out a jug of water and another bag. She was in fact extremely hungry and her throat felt she had been walking in the desert for days, in July. She trusted this guy about as far as she could throw him but she needed to keep up her strength.

She grabbed for the water first, needing to sooth her dry throat. Opening the bag next she saw an egg salad sandwich from the very same deli she had been walking to when Thomas had grabbed her. He certainly seemed to have a twisted sense of humor. As she chewed quickly Catherine kept a nervous eye on the man as he moved back to the door. She wondered if that was going to be it, if he was just going to leave her alone again. Her hopes were dashed as he came right back in with a large plastic bucket.

"There are no facilities in here and I'm not going to come running every time you need to go." Michael informed the blonde as he followed her gaze. Normally he wouldn't give a rat's ass if she soiled herself but he wanted her to stay as immaculate as possible given the accommodations. "I'm going to leave you untied, there's no way out of here. You might as well be comfortable while you wait."

"I want to see Sara." Catherine said around a bite of food. She needed to see for herself that the brunette was still alive even though she was afraid of what shape she might find her in.

"Oh no it's much too soon, we've only just started. She's no where near ready for that and I want it to be a surprise. You should feel very honored though. You're going to be her first." Michael could see confusion cloud the blonde's face. He thought about not elaborating but just couldn't contain himself. Didn't all parents who loved their children enjoy bragging about them? And he felt like he was her father, after all he was going to be responsible for her rebirth.

"She will be my crowning achievement and you will be the final piece of the puzzle in her evolution. She just needs a little push, a tiny shove to become what she was always meant to be. Oh my beautiful Sara. When I'm finished creating her she will be like nothing this world has ever seen. I will remake her in my image but she will be better than me. Who would suspect her? Who would be afraid of her until it is too late? She will strike terror in her victims unlike any before because until the moment she strikes they will believe themselves safe. She will be perfection. My perfection."

He was clearly insane. Catherine had known that before but it was different when you could see it and hear it. He thought he could turn Sara into a rapist? A murderer? No. No way. Not Sara she was too good a person. She was almost noble in her pursuit of justice for the victims' sake. There was no way he could break her like that. She refused to believe it could happen, that the brunette would allow it to happen.

"You should get some rest. You're going to need your strength and I don't want you to have bags under your eyes when Sara sees you. Now be a good girl and finish your dinner. I'll check on you tomorrow and bring you something else to eat. I have to get back to my work." He reached out and gently stroking her cheek before quickly leaving the room.

Catherine could only watch him leave the room, his conversational tone creeped her out as much as his touch made her skin crawl. She hadn't expected him to let her see the brunette but she was disappointed none the less. Her mind had been running circles around itself thinking of every conceivable torture Sara could be going through. She needed to get out of there, get them some help, before it was too late.

TBC


	10. Part 10

Part 10

A/N: I have no beta reader so please excuse my mistakes.

Thank you all for your reviews and kind words. I'm glad you are enjoying the story and hope that you will continue to do so.

Warrick looked nervously between Grissom and Stokes. Tears were falling unchecked down Nick's cheeks and Gil was just sitting there like a statue. He didn't think the entomologist had moved in the ten minutes since he had returned to the lab. He was obviously in a state of shock.

There had been precious little evidence to collect at Sara's and they had made it back to the crime lab in record time, only to walk into another nightmare. He was worried about Grissom, the man looked completely broken. If he didn't snap out of it soon he was going to take him to the hospital or something. Nick wasn't looking to good either and he had never seen his friend cry before. Of course he didn't think any less of him, hell he had found himself forced to wipe moister away from his eyes on more than one occasion tonight.

Greg wasn't much better off than the other two. He had hardly said a word on the drive back to the lab and Warrick could see the pain etched deeply into his face. Brown knew about the former lab tech's crush on Sara, everyone did, but this went deeper. Of course they had probably gotten closer since the team had been split, how could they not? Grissom wasn't a people person and he really couldn't see the brunette hanging out with Sophia after shift even if they got along at work. Although the blonde did look almost as upset as everyone else.

"Guys I think we just caught a break." Brass announced as he rushed into the room. "Sara's car is missing."

It took a long moment for this announcement to break through the wall of pain that had trapped Gil inside his mind. Ever since the detective's call he had been living in a pit of despair, he was so blinded by pain. He looked up at Jim with a tiny bit of hope lighting his previously dead eyes. "Any hits yet?"

"Not yet but every cop in Vegas, on duty or off, is looking for it." The detective noticed for the first time the somber air in the room. "Come on people lets go. We're not giving up until we find them."

Right. They couldn't give up hope. Grissom knew that every person in that room would work nonstop until they had them back. That they might not find them alive didn't bear thinking. If he let himself go down that road Gil knew he would sink right back into that dark place he had just woken up from and this time he might not come back. "Ok where are we on the trace we collected from the original scenes?"

Before anyone could answer they were interrupted by the last person any of them wanted to see. "Grissom I need to speak to you."

All eyes were on the two men as Gil followed Conrad out into the hall. They kept their voices low but everyone could tell it was a heated argument. The graveyard supervisor's face was getting red and he was gesturing wildly. When he stepped back into the room he looked as if someone had punched him in the gut.

"Ecklie has just informed me that he is pulling all of us from the case. Day shift will be officially taking over. He says we're all too close."

A chorus of 'no way' 'bullshit' 'he can't do that' rang out in the small room. Grissom held up his hand for silence. He knew how they felt, he felt the same way. "Unofficially there is no way in hell we are just going to walk away. We keep working until Sara and Catherine are back here. Everyone go make copies of whatever reports you have and bring the originals to me. We'll meet in my in office in half an hour."

Sara hissed as the needle sank into the bruised flesh of her arm. The drug burned like liquid fire through her veins and exploded in her brain and time became meaningless as she floated in the flames.

Catherine shrank back into the corner of her cold cell as the screams became louder. They were different. Before it they had been full of gut-wrenching agony, now they were of blood-chilling terror. What could he be showing Sara that would frighten the normally stoic woman? She could almost make out words, pleas, prayers, jumbled into the cries, but they were too strangled to make sense of.

Thomas wasn't physically hurting Catherine but to her, having to listen to Sara's wails of suffering was torture to her soul. She didn't know how much more either of them could take.

Self-awareness came slowly to Sara as she fought off the last effects of whatever drugs Michael had given her. When the fog in her mind cleared enough for her to be aware of her surroundings she found she was no longer strapped down to the bed. Now she was sitting, tied down to a chair. She didn't remember him moving her and wondered with dread what else he might have done while her mind and body were helpless.

How long had it been since she had opened her door and let the devil in? She felt like she had been trapped in this Abaddon for weeks. She couldn't remember much after he had injected her with hell in a needle but what little she could was worse than anything her mind had ever tortured her with on her worst night.

Her throat felt like she had been chewing on sandpaper but she couldn't tell if that was an after-effect of the drugs or to long without water. Sara tried to move to see how her body felt but had to stop instantly as pain rippled through her, causing her to groan. Her battered body had been sitting up in one place for to long.

"I was beginning to think I had given you too much."

The unexpected voice from behind her mad Sara jump, she had assumed she was alone in the room. She closed her eyes not wanting to look at him as he walked in front of her. She was afraid of what was coming next. She didn't know how much more she could take. She had already strangled to the point of passing out several more times and endured another beating, this time to her back.

"I have a gift for you but you only get it if you're a very good girl." Michael set down his equipment and reached out to grip her chin. "Open you eyes damn it."

The angry tone of his voice made Sara comply instantly with the command. She started to shake when she saw the rage in his eyes. She didn't think she could take another beating or another round of the liquid nightmare he had given her.

"You will look at me when I speak to you, understand?" He waited until she nodded before he forced himself to relax. "Now I have a cup of water for you but you can't have it just yet."

He had watched her for hours as she struggled in the grip of the drugs. Her temperature had risen and she had begun to sweat profusely so Michael had to revise his plan a bit. Originally he was going to wait another day before giving her any water but she had lost so much that he was afraid to let her go that long. He didn't want her dead, just broken. So that he could rebuild her.

Sara locked her eyes on the small cup of liquid and if she hadn't been so dehydrated she was sure her mouth would be watering. It wasn't much but it might be enough to ease the pain in her throat. She didn't want to think about what he wanted her to do in order to get it though.

She tore her gaze away from the water to the items beside it and wished she hadn't. A car battery with jumper cables attached sat on the floor. Now Sara knew what was coming next and her body tensed. She had been shocked once by a frayed lamp cord when she was a kid. It had hurt like hell and she hadn't even gotten a full jolt.

The second thing she noticed was a small assortment of knives. These worried her more than the battery did. Sara looked up into Thomas's eyes and tried to stall him. "What was in that needle?"

"Don't worry I want an ally not an addict. Now enough small talk, let's get started shall we?" Michael hesitated slightly, not sure which instrument he wanted first. After a moment he decided on the battery. He stepped behind her and picked up the bucket of water he had left there. She needed to be wet in order to get the full effect.

Without warning he dumped it over her head and grinned as she gasped at the drenching. The small smile turned into a laugh when he moved back to face her as he saw her desperately trying to collect small droplets of water with her tongue. He simply enjoyed the sight for a few moments before picking up the cables and tapping them together to get her attention.

Sara tried to brace herself but the second the electricity hit her it was no use. Pain lanced through her and she wanted to scream but she was held prisoner as her body went rigid. The second jolt hit her harder than the first, her already battered body silently screeching at this new abuse. By the fifth shock she wished she was dead. The tenth was too much for her to take and darkness mercifully descended. When the light returned Michael was standing over her wiping her brow with a cool wet cloth.

"There now, you did so well I think you earned your reward. You're much stronger than I thought you know." Thomas brought the cup to her lips and smiled as she greedily drank it all. "Unfortunately that means we have a lot of work still ahead of us."

All Sara could do was tremble as he bent to the knives. She didn't know how much more she could take. Even after she had received a beating from one of her parents they had usually given her time to recover before the next one. He had allowed her no rest, no sleep, except for the brief moments when her body could no longer take the abuse and her brain shut down.

She wasn't a religious person but Sara found herself praying, begging, for any deity that might exist to help her.

TBC


	11. Part 11

Wow, you guys are the greatest. I feel like this might not be complete crap I thought it was. Thank you so much for the reviews. I hope you enjoy this next small part.

Part 11

Catherine kicked the door one more time out of pure frustration. She had been over every inch of the tiny room several times and found nothing that she could use. The only things in there were the cheap uncomfortable cot and the bucket she had been loathed to use but hadn't had much choice. The room was becoming more than a little ripe because of it too. "Maybe I can throw the bucket at him. Great now I'm talking to myself."

The laugh that escaped sounded more like a sob and was accompanied by the thought that she really might be losing it. She grabbed hold of her will and wrestled it back to the fore of her soul. It had gotten her through years of sweaty hands grabbing at her and lustful eyes following her every night. It had gotten her through a battle with a cocaine addiction. It had helped her carry, give birth and raise a beautiful daughter with little assistance from a deadbeat cheating husband. It had given her the strength to leave Eddie when she had finally caught him in bed with another woman, and it would get through this. She just needed to stop for a moment and think.

An idea began forming in her mind and Catherine grabbed the edge of the cot and flipped it over. It was a flimsy little thing but if she could manage to break off one of the legs or support bars she would have a weapon. Working as quickly and as quietly as she could, Cath twisted, pushed, pulled and finally jumped on the bed frame before it broke. The result wasn't very heartening.

The leg was hollow aluminum with hardly any weight at all to it but it was all she had. Not knowing how long she had before Thomas came back, Catherine tried to set the cot back up and make it appear normal. She would need every second and if he opened the door to find the bed destroyed it would clue him into the fact that she was up to something and put him on the defensive.

By the time she was finished the cot looked almost normal, although the side that she had taken the leg from was a bit lower than the others. She pushed it against the wall and wadded the dirty blanket up to try to make it look even. Catherine had no idea how long she was going to have to wait so she settled down on the cold concrete floor and leaned back against the wall as close to the bucket as her nose would allow.

It had been some time since she had last heard Sara and she was worried out of her mind about the younger woman. She hoped the silence meant that Thomas was leaving her alone. Catherine herself hadn't slept since the moment she had woken up in the tiny cell. How could she when somewhere nearby Sara was being tortured.

Cath angrily swiped at the newest batch of tears springing to her eyes. Crying wouldn't do her or Sara any good. Once they were safe then she could weep for a solid month. For now she had to be strong, for both of them.

Thomas had told her that he would bring her something to eat tomorrow, but she had no way of knowing how much time had actually passed. It certainly felt like she had been there for at least twenty-four hours but who could tell when all you had to mark the time were the sounds of fear and pain.

Tension and the coldness of the floor seeping into and numbing her backside propelled Catherine off the floor. She felt like a caged animal as she paced the floor, six steps up, turn, six steps back and repeat. She remembered taking Lindsey to the zoo when she five and watching a leopard wearing a path from one end of his enclosure to the other, never deviating from his route. At the moment she felt a certain kinship to that animal as she once again turned and started back toward the door.

A loud crash from somewhere in the building brought the blonde to a sudden halt. She moved cautiously to the door and pressed her ear to it, trying to catch any sound that might give her a clue as to what was going on. Straining her ears she cursed under her breath as anger rose like a dark cloud in her mind. The son of a bitch was whistling the song from _Snow White, Whistle While You Work_. Her rage at the man flared so brightly it threatened to blind her. She quickly tempered it into hard resolve when she realized that it was getting louder and he was coming her direction.

Catherine scrambled back to the far wall and crouched down beside the noisome bucket. Setting her make-shift weapon on the floor beside her, the blonde tensed her body, ready for the attack. She swallowed a sharp burst of fear as the lock rattled. Time seemed to slow down as the door swung open and the man she had come to hate more than any one in her life walked in with a smile on his face.

Without really realizing that she was moving, Catherine's coiled muscles sprang forward and she watched in fascination as the bucket left her hands. Its foul contents connected with his face and upper body a split second before the plastic container bounced off the top of his head. Time warped and sped up and suddenly she was behind the taller man, hitting him as hard as she could with her flimsy weapon.

Willows' didn't know how many hits she managed to get in before the thin pipe broke but it was enough to send the man crashing to the ground. She didn't wait around to see if Thomas was out or not, she just bolted from the room. Running blindly down a long corridor she called out franticly for Sara. She knew the younger woman had to be close for her to have been able to hear her cries, but the way sound bounced off the dull gray concrete walls she couldn't tell which direction they had come from.

Catherine's logical mind was yelling at her to run, find help and get the police there as fast as possible. Her heart however was screaming at her that she couldn't possibly leave Sara there for another second to face this hell alone. She was afraid that if she didn't get the younger woman out now Thomas would move her and she would be lost to them forever. She couldn't allow that to happen.

She nearly ran past the door with a heavy metal beam across it before it registered that it was barred from the outside. Catherine slid to a halt. This was it, it had to be. Why put something like that on the outside of a door if it wasn't to keep something, or rather someone, in.

The bar was incredibly heavy but fear fueled her strength as Cath threw herself at it. The noise was deafening as metal grated against metal with a screeching protest. She almost had it, just a little more. Her breath was coming fast and ragged as she gave one more desperate push and the bar slid free and crashed to the floor with a deafening clang that echoed down the hallway.

As Catherine reached for the doorknob her sob of relief suddenly turned into one of pain as a hand wrapped itself in her hair and she was cruelly torn away from her goal. She slammed into a rock hard body and the scream that rose in her throat was cut off before it could be voiced as bands of steel surrounded her neck.

"You stupid whore! You're just like all the rest of them, trying to hold me back, ruin my plans. Well not this time!" Michael had been stunned for a few moments by the attack. Now he was covered in filth and his head was pounding where the little bitch had hit him. He had underestimated her once, allowed himself to become complacent and this was his reward. He wouldn't make that mistake twice.

The pain in Cath's head was piercing as she was dragged down the hallway. She could feel the hair being ripped away from her scalp taking skin with it. She grabbed his hand with both of hers trying to take the pressure off. As he hauled her back to her make-shift cell tears of pain mixed with tears of fear and despair. She had failed and now they were both going to pay for it.

Michael was fighting to stay in control. The urge to squeeze the life out of the blonde was slamming back and worth between his ears. He wanted to kill her, make her suffer for her defiance, but he still needed her. Of course he could find another woman, one that looked like her but it wouldn't have the same impact on his Sara. He threw the woman away from him, away from the temptation to hurt her and watched in satisfaction as she crumpled against the wall.

The sobs coming from his sacrificial lamb were music to his ears and soothed his anger just enough to reign in his rage. He knew she was a mother, someone who felt for other people, he knew what would hurt her even more than physical pain. "I know what you're thinking but I'm not going to harm you even though I want to. No I've decided that Sara will be receiving your punishment. I had planned on letting her rest for a little while but now she is going to suffer in your place. I want you to sit there and think about what you've done."

As the door slammed behind him Catherine broke down. She had let Sara down. She didn't believe for one second that it was her fault that the brunette was going to be tortured by that twisted bastard. He was going to do that no matter what she did. No she had blown her one chance to escape and save them. Her last scrap of hope had been stripped away leaving her desolate and bare. No one was going to find them and the cavalry wasn't going to come riding in to rescue them. The hopelessness was crippling and she could do was curl into a ball and let her anguish roll hotly down her cheeks.

TBC


	12. Part 12

A/N: It's a little short and a little different. RL has been akinda hectic, but all your reviews have kept me going. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. The next part will be longer, promise.

Part 12

Once she might have sought the light but now she craved oblivion. She longed for darkness to hide herself away from the torment of her body and the insistence of the voice stalking her mind.

"_This was her pain, she made me give it to you. She wanted you to feel this. She wants you to suffer." _

She was made of agony, dull and twisting, sharp and cutting. "_Tell me about Catherine. Tell me what you feel when you argue with her."_

Stabbing, burning, breaking, bright blinding flashes of misery. "_Tell me about the first time your father broke one of your bones, your first trip to the hospital."_

Hot needles shoved under fingernails, spikes driven into the tender flesh of her thighs, blows to bruised ribs. "_Tell me how you felt while you watched your mother kill him."_

"_Tell me tell me tell me tell me…"_

She didn't want to answer, didn't want to remember but the voice was screaming in her head, the pain was too much. She just wanted it to stop.

"_No one cares about you, only me. No one will take care of you, only me. They make me hurt you, she makes me hurt you. No one can stop the pain, only me. No one can make you whole, only me."_

"_Only me only me only me only me…"_

Michael watched her mouth open in one last silent scream. Her voice had given out hours ago and he found he missed the sweet music of her pain. He had been as surprised and frustrated as he was proud of her will. He hadn't thought anyone could hold out that long in the face of mind withering agony. She had such inner strength, such hard steel at her very core and he had broken and softened it, made it pliant. Now he would reshape and sculpt her into perfection.

Stepping back he admired his work. Purple, black, green and yellow molted nearly every inch of her skin. The only thing he had left untouched was her face. He just couldn't bring himself to mar that angelic visage. It was still breathtaking to see, a true work of art. He was a painter and she was his canvas. This was what his father had aspired to be, but he was a rank amateur next to the master his son had become.

He had finally reached the pinnacle of domination over another human being. He knew he owed it all to his mahogany-eyed goddess. The first time he had seen her he knew she was special, he just hadn't realized how much. The joy he had felt the first time he saw the light dim in a woman's eyes as he spilled himself inside her paled in comparison to the bliss he experienced as Sara finally bent to his will. He knew that this feeling would be nothing more than a shadow of the ecstasy that would wash over him when he watched her take Catherine Willows body and then her life.

He gently removed the bindings from Sara's wrists and ankles before scooping her into his arms. Having her pressed so intimately against his chest as he cradled her like an infant was too much of a temptation and he had to quickly deposit her on the cot. He still wanted her, still dreamed of her and still longed for her. The one that got away.

For twelve long years he had thought about her nearly every waking moment and her image had haunted his slumber. At first he thought it was because she had escaped and facilitated his arrest. It wasn't until that night a little over three years ago when he received his divine vision that he was made to understand the truth.

_The bedroom was large and comfortably decorated. A king sized bed dominated the space, covered in a rich burgundy coverlet that contrasted nicely with the pale skin of his prey. He stood in the doorway for long moments, flower in hand, watching the woman as she slept. Looking to his left he realized he wasn't alone this time, but instead of being surprised it felt right. The woman standing beside him was familiar and strange at the same time. He had seen her, known her before, but she was different from the shy withdrawn girl he had watched for so long. Now she was a vision in head to toe body hugging black leather, a stunning and deadly predator. Her dark hair flowed around her head, blown in a wind he couldn't feel and the ivory skin of her face glowed in the moonlight streaming through the thin curtains giving her an ethereal quality. _

_She turned her fathomless chocolate colored eyes on him and caught his gaze, holding it fearlessly. As she nodded her head in the direction of the bed he knew she was silently asking him permission to be first, to take the first taste of the woman's fear. He nodded and she moved like lightning across the room. He glowed in paternal pride as he watched the ferocity with which she attacked. She was savage, feral and so absolutely beautiful as she took what she desired that he couldn't help but stand there in awe of her. She was perfection made manifest and she was his. _

He had woken in a cold sweat with a new understanding and a new mission. One day he would make that dream a reality. Now here he was, on the eve of seeing it come true. It was too bad Sara would be too sore to wear the outfit he had bought for her; tight leather over bruises might make it a bit difficult to move. Well he would see her in them soon enough.

Exhaustion stole over him like a dense fog rolling in off the ocean. The stimulants he had used to keep them both awake were wearing off and he still had things to do. He would let her rest while he attended to the various cuts and punctures on her body. It wouldn't do for them to get infected and scar. He wanted her as unblemished as possible.

He caressed her soft cheek with the back of his hand once before returning to his toolbox and retrieving the meager medical supplies he had brought with him. After cutting off Sara's tattered shirt and pants Michael decided to leave her underwear intact. There was only so much temptation a man could endure before giving in after all. He realized as he cleaned her injuries that rubbing alcohol and Neosporin were only a stop-gap measures, he would have to break into pharmacy and get her some real antibiotics. That was a detail he should have thought of earlier.

Details, they weren't something he was particularly good at. Sara was great with them, she had to be to do her job. Soon he would be able to leave all the minutiae up to her. She would be the one person on this earth he could trust, because he had created her that way. As he cleaned his angel's wounds he knew that he was no longer alone.

He redressed her in clothes he had taken from the home of the third woman he had used to get Sara's attention because they were the same size. The exhausted brunette did not stir once as he lifted and manipulated her body. He was probably going to have to nearly double the drugs he had been using just to wake her up. Even though he had succeeded in breaking her he still had to train her. He didn't think it would be that hard though, she already the foundations. He just needed to build on them.

TBC


	13. Part 13

Sorry if this sucks. I don't have a beta soI probably missed some mistakes. Thanks for all your reviews and for sticking with me this far.

Part 13

"It's been three days Griss and we're no closer to finding them! Hell they could already be dead and this bastard could be in Mexico by now!" Nick yelled at his former boss. He was slowly losing it and he knew that, but he just couldn't stop himself from taking out his fear on those around him. He had been going for more than seventy-two hours with no sleep, very little to eat and enough caffeine to keep an elephant awake for a year, he was so close to his breaking point that he could see the cracks spreading.

The words were barely out of Nick's mouth when he suddenly found himself slammed hard against the wall with the stocky entomologist's arm across his throat. Fear shot through him like a bullet as he looked into the shorter man's eyes and saw pain mixed with terror and rage glaring back at him. He had never seen that much raw emotion on Grissom's face and he hoped he never did again.

"Shut the hell up Stokes! They are not dead, they can't be!" Gil was in a red haze. Having lived in abject fear for days his nerves had been shattered into razor sharp points, slicing him into jagged pieces. He had to believe that Sara and Catherine were alive and whole because if he didn't then the shards of his sanity would lose what little cohesion they had left and he would fly apart.

Nick was taller and stronger than the older CSI, but Grissom was being fueled by anger and fear and the Texan was having a hard time drawing a breath. Black spots were beginning to float in front of his eyes when the pressure on his neck suddenly disappeared. When his vision returned he could see that Warrick was holding Gil back, arms pinned to his sides.

"Griss! Grissom stop!" Warrick yelled trying to get through to the thrashing man. It seemed as if something suddenly broke inside Gil as he stopped fighting and sagged back against the darker man. When he was certain that his former boss wasn't going to try to go after Nick again he let go of his arms and moved his hands to the older man's shoulders, letting him know that he was there for him. "We're not going to do Cath and Sara any good if we're tearing each other apart."

Nick hung his head in shame. He knew his words had set off the older man. Gil was already walking a tightrope of despair and Stokes had pushed him off, they were lucky that Warrick had been there to catch him. "I'm sorry Griss. I'm just tired, frustrated and scared out of my mind. I can't imagine life without the two of them here and the possibility that it might happen is just twisting my heart so hard it feels like it's going to explode."

"No I'm the one that should be sorry Nicky I shouldn't have lost my temper like that and I most certainly shouldn't have put my hands on you. I hope you will forgive me. But to be clear we are not quitting until Catherine and Sara are standing here with us." Now that Gil had gotten a little of his equilibrium back he was realized how close he had been to really hurting the younger man.

"The fact that we haven't found their bodies gives me hope. This guy wouldn't hide them. He'd dump them where we were sure to discover them. He's the kind of psychopath that would want to see the looks on our faces and gloat at our pain. So we keep looking." Grissom understood how Nick felt, he was feeing the same way but he couldn't let himself think that they weren't still alive. He didn't want to think about what kind of shape they might be in when they got them back or what horrors they might be going through at that moment. They would cross that bridge when they got to it.

"What I don't understand is why he called in the murders when he did. Why not wait until your shift started? That way Sara would have definitely been assigned to one of the cases." Nick asked. It had been on his mind ever since Brass had brought them the information.

The homicide detective had of course had the 911 calls traced. All five had come in from the same payphone only minutes apart. After sending the recordings through the AV lab it was determined that the same man had made them all.

"He's been watching Sara. That means he's been watching us as well. He must have known that neither of our shifts could handle that kind of case load and would have to have help." It was the only reason that made any sense to Grissom. Of course trying to find sane reasoning for the actions of a madman was pointless.

"Yeah, but how could he be sure that Catherine wouldn't get someone from dayshift? I mean how could he possibly know she would call you?" For Nick it was something to focus on other than his fear for his two friends and he just couldn't let it go.

"I don't know Nicky, I wish I did. If I could figure out how this man thinks then I could find him." The whole thing was tearing him up inside. Grissom was living in a hurricane of self-recrimination over not being able to put the clues together and find them.

The two men fell into an uneasy silence and Warrick watched over the both of them glad that they seemed to have already forgotten the fight. Just when it seemed as if the hush that was surrounding them would stretch on indefinitely it was broken by the shrill ringing of a cell. They all reached reflexively for their sides but it was Grissom that came up the winner.

Nick tried to figure out what the call was about but all he got from Grissom's end was 'Where?' 'When?' and 'We're on our way.' The sudden smile on the older man's face gave the Texan a surge of hope.

"They found Sara's car. It's at an abandoned plastic's factory outside of town. Highway Patrol spotted it about ten minutes ago. Get the others so we can head over there, Brass is already on the way."

Catherine's head jerked up from where it was resting on her knees as the door to her tiny prison opened. She hadn't seen or heard from her captor since she had tried to escape and free Sara. She had been glad in a way that she hadn't seen him, it meant that she was safe for a while longer, but it also meant that she had no food or water. Even as hungry and thirsty as she was, she knew without a doubt that it had to be nothing in comparison to what the brunette was going through.

She hadn't heard Sara in so long that she had almost convinced herself that the younger woman was dead. The only thing that gave her hope was the fact that she herself was still alive. Surely if Thomas had killed Sidle then he would have come to finish off Catherine as well. Now he was back and she had the feeling that things were about to go from bad to worse just by the sick smile on his face as he entered the room.

He was silent as he crossed the short distance between them and roughly pulled her to her feet by the arm. Michael couldn't help the grin of triumph as he propelled her down the hall. His Sara was finally ready and this bitch was going to get everything coming to her. She had defied him, tried to ruin his plans and steal his mate away from him. He was going to greatly enjoy watching his mahogany-eyed goddess rip her apart, just like in his dream.

The grip the tall man had on her arm was not only painful but it was at such an angle that Catherine had to nearly run on her tiptoes to keep up with him and not be dragged down the corridor. He stopped so abruptly that it was only his hold that kept her from falling. The door gave such a shrieking protest as Thomas nearly ripped it from its hinges that it caused the blonde to wince as the noise assaulted her ears.

As she got her first look at the room Catherine's fear was momentarily overshadowed by puzzlement. It was obviously a janitor's closet but she couldn't think of a good reason for him to bring her there, unless he intended to make this her new cell. The lithe blonde didn't have time to ask, even if she had wanted to, before he shoved her inside and against the far wall before he stepped up to the large utility sink.

Even though she wanted to run there was no way Catherine could possibly get past the large man and out the door. All Thomas would have to do was reach his muscled arm out to stop her in her tracks. It wasn't immediately obvious what he was doing but it soon became clear when he turned a water hose on her.

The ice cold water hit her full force in the chest and Cath had to bite back a yelp. It took a few moments for her brain to get over the sudden shock and realize she was missing a golden opportunity. She managed to swallow quite a bit of water before her forced cold shower was over. It was enough to ease the soreness in her throat and the dull the aching of her empty belly.

As she stood there shivering, teeth chattering painfully, suddenly Catherine wasn't just shaking from the cold. The predatory look in the sociopath's eyes as his gaze raked up and down her wet body chilled her more than the water. Before she had time to wrap her arms around her chest to shield herself from that hungry look she was being propelled out of the room.

He led her back down the hall, past the door where she had been kept before to another room. This one was a little bigger than her first cell but it was completely bare except for a set of chains on the wall. Seeing them she made a quick decision. Twisting her arm and pulling with all her might Cath tried to break free and make a run for it. She didn't have a chance against his superior strength though.

One tug was all it took for him to bring her back to his side and before she could try again she was seeing stars from the blow he landed to her head. Her vision was still swimming when the rapidly swelling lump on the back of her skull hit the wall and sent a new round of lights dancing across her eyes. Before Catherine could get her vision to clear her hands were being lifted above her and secured to the chains with the same kind of leather straps he had used to tie her to the cot. He slapped a piece of duct tape over mouth and gave her a huge toothy grin before turning on his heel and striding quickly out of the room.

Catherine would have gasped, if it hadn't been for the gag, when the dark haired man returned guiding Sara in front of him. It was her first look at the younger woman since she had driven away from the CSI Lab. The changes in the brunette were nothing less than startling and terrifying.

Sara's eyes had sunk into her face and sported large dark bags under them, giving her an almost skeletal look. They were so dead looking that Cath couldn't help the shudder than ran through her body, it was as if the light that normally shined in those deep brown orbs had been put out from the inside. Her cheekbones shown in stark relief under the meager light making Cath doubt she had been given any food or drink the entire time she had been there. Her normally olive skin was so sallow and pale the blonde was sure if she were closer she would be able to see the intricate network veins running beneath. In short the formally healthy and whole young woman looked like a zombie, like the walking dead.

Sara was wearing shorts and a small white tank top that only accentuated the dark bruises covering her body. Catherine had to close her eyes as she noticed cuts running up and down the brunette's long legs. Tears were burning to be shed at the thought of the many horrors the young woman had been made to endure at the hands of the madman standing behind her.

Michael smirked at the look in the blonde's eyes. She was hurting for his Sara but she wasn't yet afraid of her. That would soon change. "I have a gift for you. Take a long look at her, she belongs to you."

Sara raised her eyes where the voice directed her and felt something stir within her. It was a brief flash, almost a memory, then it was gone. She grasped at it desperately wanting something other than the murky cloud that surrounded her. It was so hard to think, to feel anything other than the dull ache of her body. He had given her something, something for the pain he said. It had eased the agony but it had also wrapped her mind in a thick shroud of darkness that she couldn't seem to penetrate. All she could do walk were he told her to walk, stand where he told her to stand, do what he told her to do.

"She's the one that has caused you all this pain. She's just like your mother Sara. She degrades you, she hurts you, she makes you feel like nothing. She's the reason you're here." Michael told her softly, his lips only a breath away from her ear.

Sara shook her head. He was always talking about her parents, making her tell him about the horrible things they had done. She didn't want to remember them and what had happened in that house, remembering brought back all the hurt they had heaped upon her tiny body and young mind. The woman in front of her was familiar, but she couldn't seem to place her. How could the blonde have treated her like her mother did and her not remember her?

"Yes she is." Thomas took her movement as denial. "How many times has she put you down? How many times did you reach out only to be kicked away?" It was amazing what he had learned about the two women's relationship after a few sessions with Sara. "She's like your father too. She wants to hit you, to break your bones, she wants to kill you."

Another flash, this one deeper, crisper, clearer. 'I admit there have been times I've wanted to shake you senseless when you get so wrapped up in a case that you forget that anything else exists. I have entertained thoughts of strangling you when your attitude gets out of control. Once I even had a daydream of bending you over my knee and spanking you for acting like an overgrown petulant child.' Could it be true? Was it a memory or just a nightmare? Could the woman in front of her have told her that? Sara couldn't be sure but it seemed to ring true. Something about the blonde was sending mixed signals bouncing through her battered mind. She made her feel angry, scared and safe all at the same time. But which emotion could she trust?

He could see a spark of recognition in her eyes. "You're almost there." Michael whispered in the brunette's ear. "I know you want her, reach out and take what you want. She can't deny you now, won't deny you. Look at her, she's waiting for you Sara."

She shook her head. This was wrong, but it was true. She could feel her hands shakings wanting to obey. There was something clawing at the back of her head, trying to dig its way out, something that screeched and wailed. Sara wasn't sure if it wanted her to do as he said or if it was trying to stop her.

"You've wanted her, loved her, for five years and for five long years she has stabbed you in the heart. She whored herself to thousands of men, selling her body to their eyes. She gives everyone around you a piece of herself but for you? Nothing. Not a kind word, not a pat on the shoulder. Take her. Take her now. End your pain." His voice rose with each word until he was nearly screaming. He was so close, so very close, to having everything he wanted.

"No." Sara's voice was raw. The screams that had been tore from her throat had ripped and shredded it until it wasn't even recognizable as hers. "I can't."

"You can! It's the last step and you will be reborn. All the pain will end, no one will ever be able to touch you again, to hurt you. It's already there inside you Sara. Your father beat his family and his violence lives within you. Your mother murdered him and her blood pumps through your veins. You are a born killer, designed by nature and nurtured by pain. I helped you along your path the night I took you. You're soul has festered, rotted and decayed until I came back to finish your metamorphosis."Michael knew she wanted it, he could see it in her eyes. The desire was shining brighter than the sun. All she had to do was overcome that last shred ofwhat weak people who were too afraid to take what they wanted in life called humanity.

Catherine couldn't believe what she was hearing. There was no that any of that could be true, could it? 'Every time a case comes a long that has hint of domestic abuse you lose it. What is your problem?' Suddenly her own words were coming back to haunt to her. There had been huge neon signs hanging over Sara's head and she hadn't put the pieces together. This was what the brunette and Grissom had alluded to back in the lab. Regret and guilt forced her eyes closed for a second as she vowed to make up every cross word, barb and cold shoulder she had ever thrown the younger woman's way. Provided they got out of this alive.

She opened her eyes just in time to see Thomas give the brunette a shove, making her stumble forward. Sara came to stop just before she crashed into her, their faces mere inches from each other. Catherine tried to catch her gaze, tried to communicate with her, tell her not to do what he wanted but the normally shining orbs were flat, dead. It was as if Sara wasn't even there, that her body was walking around on its own.

"Touch her." Michael demanded his voice forceful and hard. All his hard work was coming to fruition and his patients was wearing thin.

Sara could see her arm rising without her consent. The thing seemed to have a will of its own. She wanted to stop but could only watch as it reached out for the blonde in front of her. The feel of the soft downy cheek under her fingers sent a bolt of lighting through her and she regained control of her traitorous limb and snatched it away before it could betray her again. There were so many conflicting emotions running rampart through her she didn't know what to feel. She wanted to touch this woman, was drawn to her, but she knew it was wrong. Guilt was clashing with desire and she didn't know which would win.

Michael stepped up beside his protégé. Finally she was giving in. A few more minutes and she would be his forever. He drew his knife and began cutting the buttons off the blonde's still damp shirt. "Touch her there."

Once again there was no will, just action. Sara had learned to obey, when she did as she was told, the pain was taken away. But she also wanted to do as she was told, wanted to feel that soft skin again. Her hand was shaking as she let it run down the woman's body, between the valley of her generous breasts and over her toned stomach before falling away at the waistband of her jeansThe guilt returned a thousand fold but it didn't stop the pleasure she felt from touching the blonde.

Sara was mesmerized by the rapid rise and fall of the woman's chest and everything else melted into the background until she felt something cold and hard being pressed into her hand. She looked down and the knife ensnared her. She had seen one like it before, big and wickedly sharp.

Her father had been sprawled on the bed, passed out drunk once again, unaware that death was stalking him. Her mother stood next to him, a warped smile distorting her face into a caricature of herself. Sara cowered in the corner Laura Sidle had thrown her in, hoping that the enraged woman wouldn't remember that she was there, wouldn't come for her too. The knife flashed sliver in the moonlight, like a beacon it drew her eyes as if rose swiftly in the air. Crimson sprang from the gash in his chest, staining his white t-shirt. The knife rose again, covered in gore and dripping blood. As her mother plunged the blade into her father over and over the viscous liquid flew off it, covering her mother, the walls and even her thin body.

"Cut the rest off her."

The voice was cold, but it was also excited as it pulled her out of the memory. Sara looked up into tearful blue eyes filled with fear, fear of her. Something dark twisted and snapped deep within her soul and she raised her hand.

Catherine wanted to close her eyes, she wanted all this to be a horrible nightmare. But it wasn't. Sara was standing before her with a knife in her hand looking like she was ready to kill her. When the brunette had touched her it was as if she didn't even realize she was doing it, like she was a puppet on a string. Even then she didn't think Sara would hurt her, couldn't believe that the tall brunette would ever harm her. Now Sara's dead eyes were alive again and burning with a hatred she could never have imagined in the normally soft brown orbs. Now she wasn't just afraid of her, she was terrified.

The move when it came was so fast Cath could hardly follow it. She didn't even have time to blink as Sara whirled, knife raised, and sunk the blade into their tormentor's shoulder with a strangled growl. She fell on him, striking out with her fists, raining down blows in quick succession. It was as if she was trying to return every hit he had given to her, every ounce of pain she had suffered at his hands. The fury erupting from the young woman was frightening to see but Willows was just glad that it wasn't being directed at her.

Sara hit until she could no longer raise her fists. She looked at the knife still stuck in Michael's shoulder and thought about pulling it out and shoving it into his black heart but stopped herself. If she did that then she would be lost forever. She stood up and stepped away so she wouldn't be tempted again. "I told you that you would never make me like you. I'm not a rapist, I'm not a killer."

Catherine felt hot tears burning their way down her face. She wasn't sure if it was relief that it was over or grief over how close Sara had come to becoming the thing she hated the most.

It was the fear in the blonde's eyes that had cut through the fog blanketing her mind and brought Sara back to herself. She had never wanted to inspire that in anyone. She had been afraid all her life, first of her parents, then Michael Thomas and men like him, then everyone. She had never made anyone afraid of her and it made her physically ill to think that she had roused that emotion in the older woman and she never wanted to see it again.

Cath was still crying as Sara released her wrists. She fell into the younger woman needing to feel her, needing reassurance that their ordeal was truly over and that the brunette was all right. She became aware as her sobs lessened that the lithe woman was saying she was sorry, over and over again. She leaned back and brought her hands up to cup the remarkably untouched face. "It's okay sweetheart, everything's all right. You don't have anything to be sorry for."

Sara couldn't believe what she was hearing. Catherine was forgiving her, how could she after what she had almost done, after everything she had allowed to happen? She searched the blonde's eyes and saw that the fear was gone, replaced by relief and tenderness. She didn't deserve it.

Catherine was confused as Sara pushed off her and backed away shaking her head. "Sara what is it? What's wrong?"

Sara held up her hands to ward the blonde off. She couldn't be near her, not now, she couldn't be trusted. "Please Cath, just stay away. You have to stay away from me."

Catherine wanted to go to her, hold her, take away all her fear and pain. Before she could take a step forward or convince the younger woman to let her help her, she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. "Sara look out!"

Following the direction of blonde's eye at her scream, Sara turned and found herself face to face with a gun. She backed up slowly, trying to put herself between Thomas and Catherine. She hadn't been able to protect her before, she was going to make sure she did it now, even if it was only for a few seconds.

Cath stared at the gun over Sara's shoulder. She recognized the Glock 9mm. Of course she ought to, it was her gun she carried nearly every day. He was going to shoot them with her own piece.

"You stupid bitch. You betrayed me for that whoring piece of shit? I was going to make you a queen among the swine of this world. Now you have die, but you'll watch this slut die first." Michael was enraged. Sara was supposed to be _his_ mate, the other half of _his_ soul, his _perfect_ woman. Instead she had become his Judas.

Sara turned and pulled Catherine to her, covering her with her own body seconds before an inferno ripped through her shoulder.

TBC


	14. Part 14

A/N: I apologize to all of my wonderful reviewers for how long it has taken to get this part out. I haven't had a day off in two weeks. I've been exhausted from work and when I get home something always seems to go wrong, ie the bathtub faucet is broken, the yard needs cutting, laundry needs doing ect… sometimes I wish I had never bought a house. I know you don't want to hear me whine so here is the next part. Still no beta so please excuse my mistakes, feel free to point them out so I can fix them. You guys rock and I hope to get the next part out sooner for you. Thanks again. Kimmi

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Part 14

The small room exploded with sound half a second before Sara's body was violently thrust forward taking Catherine with her. The blonde barely realized what was happening before she hit the hard concrete and the breath was crushed from her lungs by the brunette's weight. Her body's panicked screams for air were all she could concentrate on until the shocked organs finally loosened enough to draw in the life sustaining element.

After a few deep breaths Catherine's surroundings and circumstances came rushing back to her. She could feel something warm and wet dripping down her arm and for a second thought she had been injured until she realized she didn't feel enough pain to be hurt enough to bleed. That's when she knew exactly what Sara had done for her. The abused woman had put herself between Cath and a madman and had taken the bullet meant for her. It was hard to wrap her mind around the sacrifice the brunette had willingly made without hesitation.

She felt Sara's grip on her tighten as the younger woman rolled, covering even more of Catherine's body with her own. Thomas was raging over them, yelling obscenities and the younger woman was still trying to protect her.

"Look what you made me do you stupid bitch! Look at you, you're a worthless piece of shit! You should have killed me when you had the chance. You're still going to watch her die, only now it won't be the quick way." Michael was in incredible pain, the kind he hadn't felt since he was a child. He hadn't bothered to pull the knife out, the pain was good. It served to remind him who he was. Taking several deep breaths he willed the agony in his shoulder to a tolerable level.

He felt a new calm stealing over him; a new purpose was before him. All the tortures he had heaped upon Sara had failed but now he knew where he went wrong. He had underestimated her sense of morality and her feelings for the blonde. He had thought she was the perfect choice for his dark angel's first kill, now he knew better. Once he had dealt with Willows he would start over with Sara. This time he would be sure to go slowly, break her a little at a time until he had completely eradicated any part of her that was weak so that he could rebuild her from the ground up.

Kneeling next to the two women he got as close as he dared. Michael wanted to make sure they heard him clearly. "I want you to remember I was willing to kill her fast and relatively painlessly. It's your fault Sara that she will now know suffering the likes of which even you and I can't imagine. The agony you've felt the last three days will pale in comparison to what I am going to do to her, all while you watch, helplessly, powerless to stop me."

Sara's eyes burned with the need to cry, but she didn't have any tears left. Her heart clenched in her chest at the thought of the horrors Catherine was going to go through all because of her. Thomas was right, she should have killed him when she had the chance. Sure it would have damned her forever, but at least it would have saved the blonde.

Catherine couldn't believe what was happening. They had been so close. She was torn between anger that Sara hadn't ended it when she could have and pride that the lanky brunette hadn't allowed Thomas to turn her into something she loathed. With what she now knew about Sidle's brutal childhood, Willows knew that killing the bastard would absolutely destroy her. On the other hand not killing him would bring the both of them more pain and most likely death.

Sara buried her face in Catherine's blonde hair and through the maelstrom of her emotions she became aware that the brunette was speaking. Her heart broke inside her chest as she realized that the woman was hoarsely repeating 'I'm sorry Cat' over and over again. She couldn't hold onto her anger at the strangled apology. All she could do now was pray she had the strength to endure whatever the man might throw at her and hope that a rescue would come soon.

Jim Brass looked hopefully at the non-descript metal building that he prayed held his friends. Glancing to his right he could just see the front bumper of Sara's car peaking out by the side of the abandoned factory. When this was all over he was going to buy the highway patrol officer that had spotted it a round or six of drinks. If the man had been distracted or a little less observant they would have still been clueless. Of course there was no guaranty that they were even in there, the guy could have dumped the car there and be holding the women somewhere else.

He hoped to god that she, that they, were in there. Of course he was scared for Catherine's safety and wanted her back just as much as Sara but it seemed to him that the younger woman had a way of falling through the cracks. Willows had a way of rallying others to her, garnering support from all directions. Sidle on the other hand kept to herself, fading into the background until something happened to remind you she was there.

Well he was going to make sure that from now on she knew how cherished she was. He had failed his own daughter over and over until Ellie wouldn't even talk to him. Hopefully it wasn't too late for him to fix his mistakes with Sara. He had let his pseudo-daughter down by letting that monster take her and if she could find it in her heart to forgive him then he would do his best to make sure nothing bad ever came close to touching her again.

Nick was itching to get inside. He had started edging closer to the door as the cops gathered around it. He didn't care what Brass said, there was no way he was going to sit around outside and just wait. He looked back and saw that the others were right there with him. It seemed as if they all made the decision at the same time. They moved as one the second the Swat Team pried the heavy steel door open and surged through.

Warrick was neck and neck with Stokes as they rushed through the door. They each turned sideways so that neither would have to defer to the other. It was almost over, he could feel it. Catherine and Sara were somewhere in this building and they were alive. He knew it in his heart. He also knew that while this part of their ordeal was almost over the two woman would be dealing with whatever they had been subjected to these last three days for a long time to come.

Greg was scared. He was scared of going in but he was even more scared of staying outside. He needed to see his friends, see that they were alive and well, but he was so afraid that they weren't. His supervisor's features were set in a mask of grim determination. The older man's hands were gripping his gun so hard Greg thought that any second the skin over his white knuckles would split. The look on Grissom's face helped firm his resolve as he pulled his brand new service weapon from its holster and followed him in.

Grissom had been a little surprised that Ecklie hadn't objected to them being there but decided not to give it much thought. He had other things to worry about, such as getting to the man that had taken the two most important people in his life. Half of him wished that he found Michael Thomas first so that he could exact his revenge, the other half hoped that he didn't. There was no doubt in his mind that if he got to that monster before one of the officers that he would be brought up on charges although whether it would be murder or assault he wasn't yet sure. All he was truly sure of was that he had never before wanted to hurt someone so much in his entire life.

The main floor of the factory was littered with decaying equipment and rusting conveyer belts. Brass moved past it all without really looking at it. He knew Thomas would be keeping the girls in old offices or storerooms, not out here in the open. Halfway across the cavernous room the unmistakable sound of a gunshot reached his ears and brought Jim to a stumbling halt. One quick glance around showed him that everyone had come to stunned stop as well.

The firing of a weapon could mean one of two things, either Catherine or Sara was dead or dying, or their kidnapper was. All pretense of stealth was forgotten as every man in the building took off in the direction the shot seemed to come from. As they entered the maze of service halls the sheer number of doors was intimidating. They had a daunting task ahead of them and they might already be out of time.

Despair hung like an executioner's noose around her neck. The coppery smell of Sara's blood was heavy in her nostrils and it coated Catherine's upper body like a slimy second skin. She couldn't help but think that Thomas wasn't going to get the chance to make the younger woman witness anything because she was going to bleed out.

Sara's litany of 'I'm sorry' was still resounding in her ears but it was becoming fainter. If she was going to do something to save them it had to be now. She could hear Thomas muttering to himself and pacing the room like a caged animal but she couldn't see him from her position under the younger woman. As slowly as she could Catherine began to slide her body out of the brunette's protective grasp.

Pulling her head up Cath could see that his attention wasn't on them. He had tucked the gun into the waistband of his pants and was fingering the knife in his shoulder. It seemed like he was debating with himself about whether or not he should pull it out. She was almost completely out from under Sara when the injured woman tightened her hold on her and she looked into deep brown eyes glazed over with pain.

Catherine tried to smile, tried to reassure and communicate with Sara what she was about to do and why. At first she didn't think the brunette even saw her until her hand released its death-grip. It returned a second later to cup her cheek. Their eyes locked and what Cath saw in those fathomless mahogany depths she didn't think she would ever be able to define. The next second she was being forced back down onto the floor and all hell broke loose.

Sara had felt herself slipping away and she knew her body was going into shock. She would have welcomed oblivion if it hadn't been for Catherine. She had failed her so many times. First it was with Eddie's case. Then losing her temper with her in the corridor of the lab instead of in private where they usually had their blowups. She hadn't done enough to keep her safe from Michael Thomas and let her be kidnapped. Lastly she hadn't killed him and secured the blonde's safety. Even one of those instances was too many, but not again.

She was going to die that was perfectly clear to her but she was going to escort her demon to hell on her way out. She wondered if an act of redemption would cancel out a murder if they were committed at the same time. Gathering the last shreds of her strength Sara pushed Catherine back to the floor and leapt to her feet.

The pain of her body meant nothing now, it was not connected to her, it was its own entity driving her forward. Sara slammed into Thomas just as he turned toward her. Her momentum drove him backward and the cry of pain he let out as her body forced the knife deeper into his shoulder gave her a sickening sense of satisfaction.

Catherine was momentarily too stunned to move. She had thought Sara was too hurt to even sit up but there she was tackling a man that out weighed her by seventy-five pounds if not more. Where ever the brunette had dredged up this last surge of strength was quickly failing as they grappled with each other. Sidle had obviously meant for her to make her escape while she fought with Thomas but Willows just couldn't do it. She couldn't let younger woman sacrifice herself, not after all she had endured.

As the two brunettes wrestled for the gun Catherine got to her feet and ran behind Thomas. Throwing her arms around his neck she leapt to his back. He spun around trying to dislodge her but the blonde just tightened her grip on his throat and squeezed for all she was worth.

Sara stumbled backward as a flailing limb struck her head. She shook off a wave of dizziness only to have her knees gave out at the scene in front of her. Catherine was supposed to run damn it! She was supposed to save herself not to try to help.

The brunette could only watch in horror as Thomas halted his wild spin and threw himself backward, slamming the petite blonde into the wall. Sara moaned in despair as Catherine's limbs went slack and she slid bonelessly to the concrete floor. The tall man pulled himself together quickly and Sidle found herself staring down the barrel of the gun she had failed to get away from him.

Michael had had enough. His dreams were crumbling around him and everything was flying apart at the seams. Sara had betrayed him for the last time. His father had been right, you couldn't trust a woman. They would rip your heart out and chew it up. They lied, they cheated, they where whores that were good for nothing but giving a man a son to carry on his legacy. She had fooled him into thinking that she was different but now he could see through her pretty deceptions, he could see that she was just another bitch that thought she was better than him.

The cold fury on his face was all Sara needed to see to know that this time it wouldn't be a hole in her shoulder, it would be her head. She closed her eyes, whispered a final apology to Catherine and waited for death.

The first shot made her entire body jerk convulsively. The second forced her eyes open in confusion. Thunder erupted in the small enclosed space and Thomas' body staggered back with each blast until he hit the wall, deadly red flowers blooming across his chest. Streaks of crimson marked his passage on the dull gray cinder blocks as he fell, slumping in a heap on the floor.

Deep brown eyes, so much like her own, seized her. Sara couldn't look away from the accusation and disappointment she saw. The fading light in his chocolate orbs was drawing her down into the darkness with them and she didn't try to fight it. What did she have left anyway? Once everyone found out what she had done she wouldn't have any friends, wouldn't have a job, hell she'd be lucky to have her freedom. You couldn't sexually assault someone, especially a female co-worker and expect there to be no consequences.

Brass lowered his weapon. He had been alone in the corridor, the others having scattered to try to cover as much ground as they could as quickly as possible, when he had heard a muffled thud from a few yards down the hall. He had raced to the open doorway in time to see Michael Thomas aiming a gun at Sara.

Instinct merged with burning rage and Jim emptied all fifteen rounds from his clip. He didn't even have to think about it, he wanted this psycho dead so that he could never hurt Sara again and he made that happen. He didn't care about the consequences to himself, he only wanted her safe.

Brass rushed to the downed man and kicked his gun away before checking for a pulse. Satisfied that the man's twisted little black heart was no longer beating he turned his attention to the blonde beside him. Catherine was slumped over but seemed to be coming around. He could see blood covering her body but after a quick inspection could find no wounds so he moved on to Sara.

The brunette was still on her knees but looked as if she was going to fall over any second. He was by her side just as she began to collapse. Taking her gently in his arms he eased her down, cradling her head in his lap. In all his years on the force he had never seen someone as bruised and battered as he thin body was, he was amazed that she was even conscious. "Hey there kiddo it's ok now, I gotcha."

Sara looked up at the man holding her. She was finding it hard to focus her eyes and the room was a lot dimmer than had been a few minutes ago but she knew who it was. He had always been so quietly supportive of her. There was so much she wanted to say to him but she didn't have the energy. She hoped he knew. As her eyes slipped closed she could hear him yelling for someone to get the medics. She wanted to tell him it was alright, that the pain was gone now but the darkness had already swallowed her.

A bee hive of activity greeted Catherine as she fought her way back to consciousness. People were streaming into the room, yelling, with guns drawn. It took her a moment to figure out what was going on as her gaze swept the room. The second it landed on Sara and Brass everything else faded into background noise and crawled over to them. The brunette's blood was seeping through his fingers where he was trying to apply pressure to the wound.

"Sara, open your eyes sweetie. Come on you can't sleep now, we've got places to go and people to see." Catherine's voice was imploring as she took the younger woman's hand in her own, the fact that it was already cold scared her. They needed to get her to a hospital immediately or they were going to lose her. She didn't know if she could handle that after everything they had been through.

The next couple of minutes were a blur of activity as the paramedics rushed in and went to work. Catherine had reluctantly let go of Sara's hand to let them get to her but she didn't go far. She lightly grasped one of the brunette's bare feet, just to have some sort of contact with her. She was vaguely aware that someone was shining a light in her eyes, asking her how many fingers did she see, but she ignored them as she watched them carefully lift the younger woman onto a stretcher. Her own minor injuries weren't a concern at the moment, what was a bump in the head compared to what Sara had suffered?

As they exited the room that had almost become their abattoir she could see their friends waiting just outside. Under different circumstances she would have stopped to hug each and every one of them but at that moment all she could think about was Sara. The lanky brunette had been willing to die just to give Cath a few precious seconds to get away. It was the most astounding thing anyone had ever done for her and she wasn't leaving her side.

Grissom felt faint at his first sight of Sara and Catherine. They were both covered in blood but the younger woman was black and blue from the neck down. Her face, although unmarked, was deathly pale. The contrast between it and the dark bruises covering the rest of her body was sickening. All the scenarios his mind had come up with, no matter how hard he tried to suppress them, hadn't prepared him for this. The gasps he heard from the others told him that they were feeling the same.

He was torn. Gil wanted to follow the girls but he also wanted to go in that room and tear Michael Thomas' body limb from limb. They had all heard the cops relaying the fact that the suspect was dead but it didn't bank the fire of his anger. He had been denied the chance to make the man pay what he had done but at least he wouldn't ever be able to hurt anyone ever again.

The others didn't have the same dilemma as Grissom. Thomas was dead and therefore of little concern to them. Sara and Catherine were still alive and they needed their love and support right now. The guys hurried after the stretcher leaving the entomologist alone in the hallway.

Watching the others run out Gil shook his head. He wanted to go with them but there was something he had to do first. Making his way to the door he stepped just inside it, close enough to get a good look at the man that had nearly taken away everything good in his life but far enough away so as to not contaminate the scene. He was a little disappointed that the man's outward appearance didn't match the monster that lurked under the surface. How much easier life would be if what we were on the inside was reflected in our outward appearance, if rapists, murders and child molesters all looked like their diseased souls.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts Grissom took one last look at Thomas before turning on his heel and rushing after the others. He made it outside just in time to Catherine being helped into the back of the ambulance and taking a seat near Sara's head. As the doors closed he could see her reach out to tenderly brush dark locks off the younger woman's pale forehead. The tiny stab of jealousy he felt at the gesture surprised him. Yes he wished he was in there with Sara, that he was the one touching her so delicately but Cath had just been through an incredible ordeal with her and she herself was in need of medical attention, he really had no reason to be jealous. He pushed the unwelcome emotion away and went to catch a ride to the hospital with the others. He mollified himself with the thought that once the brunette was on the road to recovery then he would have his chance to make things right between them.

TBC


	15. Part 15

A/N: I know this is complete drivel but I needed to set up a few things for future parts of the story. Don't worry, Grissom doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting Sara. I am a firm Cath/Sara shipper. I just want him to suffer a little for being such a complete tool. (my apologies to any bugman fans out there but I don't really like him) Once again my thanks to all my reviewers, ya'll keep me motivated to write with your kind words.

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Part 15

Catherine was determined to keep in physical contact with Sara even though the paramedics kept trying to get her to sit back. She wanted the younger woman to know that she wasn't alone. She could only watch as they started IV's, took blood pressure and heart-rate readings. She was no doctor but she could tell by the way they were talking that the brunette was in bad shape.

"Stay with me Sara. You're so strong, stronger than anyone I know, you've got to keep fighting." Cath kept stroking dark silky hair as she leaned over to whisper more encouragement in Sara's ear. "We're almost there, just a couple more minutes, and you're going to be at the hospital where the doctors are going to take care of you. So just hold on a little while longer ok, for me, please?"

Willows continued her quite pleas and soft touches until the ambulance pulled into the ER and Sara was whisked away. She tried to follow but was held back by the medic that had tried to examine her before.

"Ma'am they won't let you go in there with her. Don't worry she's in good hands." Jeff had been touched by the tender words and gentle way she had touched the brunette as the blonde tried to keep her from slipping away. He might be a newbie on the rig but it was obvious to him that the woman on the stretcher was so close to death that you could practically see the grim reaper hovering over her and it might very well be the words of the other woman that had kept her with them until they could get her to the hospital. He was sure that the other paramedics would laugh at him if they knew but he believed that sometimes the human spirit triumphed where all their medicine and skill failed.

Catherine wanted to believe him but she was afraid that Sara's last ditch effort to save her had been too much for the young woman's traumatized body. The urge to just push past the man and run after the stretcher was so strong that before she could even catalog it she was around him and walking unsteadily down the hall. She would dare them to keep her out of that room and away from Sara's side.

Her path was almost immediately blocked by a short blonde woman in a white lab coat that looked much too young to be a doctor. Catherine tried to sidestep her but a wave of dizziness forced her to a halt until it passed. By the time she regained her equilibrium the doctor and paramedic had been joined by a rather large orderly and had formed a human wall in front of her.

"Ma'am I'm Dr. Sims, I know you're worried about your friend but you can't go back there. You need to come with me so I can have a look at your head." Carla Sims kept her voice soft so as to keep the woman calm. She could see the rising panic in her icy blue eyes and she was afraid if the blonde tried to fight them she would only end up hurting herself.

"Sara's not just my friend! She's…she's…more than that." Catherine was at a loss for words. How exactly do you categorize a woman you've worked beside, fought with for five years and that may very well die because she was protecting you? Friend just didn't seem to be adequate.

"I understand, but regardless of your relationship I can't let you go in there. You would just be in the way and would hamper her treatment." Sims was sympathetic but distraught family members tended to hinder more than they helped in situations such as these. "Why don't you let me examine you and by the time I'm done we should have some news, ok?"

With one last long look down the hall Catherine reluctantly agreed. After being poked, prodded, x-rayed, stitched, bandaged and a long argument about staying overnight for observation the petite doctor let her go. Borrowing a set of scrubs, Cath changed out of her blood stained clothes and bagged them while Sims went to fulfill her promise to get an update on Sara.

When the doctor hadn't returned after about five minutes, Cath started to get a little panicky. In her mind the only reason it could be taking so long was because the news was bad and she was trying to find a way to break it to her gently. Bolting out from behind the curtain that had shielded her during the exam, heart hammering its way out of her chest, the blonde saw the woman almost immediately. The petite blonde was standing halfway down the corridor along with another doctor and both were being harassed by her co-workers.

She started toward them intent on getting answers when a twelve year old tornado hit her full force knocking her back a few steps before she could regain her balance. Catherine pulled her daughter to her in a crushing hug, stoking the girl's golden hair as Lindsey's tears soaked through the scrubs she was wearing. Her world shrank until nothing existed but the two of them, her only concern was for her child.

"I was so scared Mom, I thought you left me just like dad." Lindsey finally managed to verbalize the fear that had been strangling her since Warrick had come to their house to tell them that her mother was missing.

Catherine swiped at her face, trying to dry the tears that had begun falling as soon as she had her daughter in her arms. She sank to her knees so that she could look the girl in the eye. "Oh god baby I'm so sorry. You know that I would never leave you without a fight, right?"

Lindsey nodded and reached out to touch the bandage around her mother's head. "Are you okay?"

Catherine's heart nearly broke at how tiny Linds' voice sounded. The girl had come damn close to being an orphan, to close. She just hoped this didn't bring back the nightmares that had plagued her daughter after Eddie's death or the resulting behavior problems. "I'm fine baby, it's just a bump on the head and a few stitches."

Standing up Catherine looked around at the others that had gathered silently around them. Her mother, sister and her co-workers had formed a protective circle blocking their tearful reunion from any curious eyes. This was her family whether related by blood or not. This time the blonde didn't hesitate and threw her arms around each one in turn. Once she had greeted them all and assured them she was all right Cath turned her attention to the two doctors. "How is Sara?"

"Ms Willows this is Dr. Klein, he worked on your, ah, partner here in the ER." Carla didn't want to offend the woman again by calling her a friend.

"Ms Sidle's file doesn't list a next of kin and the only emergency contact is the Las Vegas Crime lab. Have you informed her family?" Reginald Klein asked without looking up from the clipboard he was holding. He had deflected the questions of her co-workers because his colleague had told him that his patient's girlfriend was there. However she wasn't listed in the file as a contact or as having power of attorney.

"She doesn't have any. We're as close as you're going to get. Please just tell me how she is." Catherine had ignored the raised eyebrows at the doctor's description of her relationship with Sara. She didn't care that she had accidentally led these people to believe that there was more between her and brunette than there was as long as it got her information on the younger woman's condition.

The doctor looked carefully at the assembled group and shook his head. It wasn't hospital policy but from the looks on their faces they weren't going to take no for an answer. Well families came in all shapes and sizes these days. "We gave her three units of blood and were able to get her stabilized enough to take her up to surgery. I won't sugarcoat it, Ms Sidle is far from out of the woods yet. Apart from the blood loss she is dehydrated and has deep tissue bruising to over eighty-five percent of her body along with more than a dozen cuts and puncture wounds. She has three cracked ribs, a broken collar bone, two broken fingers and her shoulder shows signs of having been recently dislocated."

Catherine had known that Sara had been badly beaten but she was surprised that she didn't have more broken bones. The others had barely gotten a glance at the brunette before they were rushed to the hospital and the looks on their faces told her that they had no idea that she had suffered so much.

"Doctor was she…" Grissom couldn't ask. He looked to Catherine hoping she would understand what he was trying say.

"Did you do a vaginal exam?" Catherine couldn't bring herself to actually say the words either, although it was her biggest fear.

"We did and there was no sign of any sexual activity in quite some time. If you would like to go up to the surgical waiting room it is on the third floor. I will leave word for Dr. Kingsley to keep you informed." Reginald told them. He nodded once to Dr. Sims before going to see to his next patient.

Catherine thanked god that Sara had been spared another violation. What she had gone through was going to be hard enough for her to deal without adding another rape on top of it. Looking around she saw that the others were also breathing a sigh of relief. Not wanting to wait any longer she took Lindsey's hand and started for the elevator, the others right behind her.

The ride up was silent as no one wanted to be the first to ask one of the questions bouncing around in their heads. The second the doors opened Catherine led Lindsey to the nurse's station to let them know who they were there for and that they would be in the waiting room. She sighed as she turned toward the small glass-walled room knowing that she wouldn't be able to avoid the questions much longer. It was probably better to get it over with quickly.

Taking the chair closest to the door Catherine was surprised when Lindsey crawled into her lap and snuggled against her. She couldn't remember the last time the girl had initiated this kind of contact with her. While their relationship had gotten better lately it was still strained and she was going to soak this up for as long as it lasted.

"Cath what happened?" It was Grissom that spoke first his voice low. He had wanted to wait until she was ready to talk but it didn't seem as if that would be any time soon and he needed to know what had gone on in that factory.

Catherine shook her head. She knew he was asking about Sara but she didn't have the answers he wanted. "I don't know. I didn't see her until a few minutes before you found us. There were screams and, and then silence and then more screams. He tortured her and there was nothing I could do." She was crying now and felt someone wrap a strong arm around her shoulders but she shook it off even as she pulled her daughter closer to her. She didn't want comforting she wanted to see Sara, she wanted to go home and spend time with her daughter, she wanted all this to have never have happened. "She saved my life. That bullet was meant for me."

"What about you Cath?" Warrick asked from beside her. He had been a little hurt that she had rejected him but if she had been through anything like what Sara had suffered he could understand why she wouldn't want to be touched.

"No he left me alone most of the time. Sara was the one he wanted I was just a means to an ends. He was completely insane. How did you guys find us?" She knew they would be confused but she couldn't tell them everything, not yet, maybe not ever.

"Highway Patrol spotted Sara's car." Nick answered her. He was still upset that it had been nothing more than dumb luck, that all their evidence and work had been useless. Of course without that bit of luck they would be planning two funerals right now.

A shiver traveled down Cath's spine. She and Sara had come closer to death than she had previously thought. She was lost in thoughts of what had nearly happened when someone clearing their throat drew her attention.

"Hey Catherine what was all that downstairs about you being Sara's partner?" It had been stuck in Greg's mind ever since the doctor had stumbled over the word.

Catherine groaned to herself as a slight blush crept its way up her neck to color her cheeks. She had known they would pick up on that, they were trained investigators after all, she had just hoped they would let go for a while. "I may have accidentally given her that impression but at least it got us an update on Sara without too much of a fight."

"Accidentally? How do you accidentally make someone think that you and Sara are…?" Greg wisely chose not to finish when Catherine narrowed her eyes at him. He would figure out a way to get the story out of her later.

"Ok well what about her family? I mean doesn't she have a brother? And where are her parents?" Nick was curious as to how Catherine had gotten her information. Sara was notoriously closed-mouthed when it came to her private life and she had never once talked about her family with him and he was one of her closest friends in Vegas.

Catherine chewed her bottom lip as she considered how to answer him. Nick didn't know so that meant Sara didn't want him to. "Her parents are dead." It was half a lie, but she couldn't tell them the truth, it wasn't her place. "I don't know where her brother is, I don't think she does either."

She had only heard Sara mention her brother once in passing. It had been one of their rare conversations about something other than work and all she had said was that her brother had left home when she was eight. Even though the brunette hadn't said it, she got the impression Sara hadn't seen him since then.

Catherine looked over at Grissom and saw him close his eyes as if he were in pain. After Sara's suspension he had had the same look when she had cornered him right after he had defied Ecklie and refused to fire her. She knew now without a doubt that the younger woman must have told him something. She just wondered how much he knew.

The room grew quite as they all contemplated this new piece of the Sara puzzle. Catherine divided her attention between stroking the hair of her now sleeping daughter and staring out the window toward the nurse's station as time seemed to crawl by. So she was the first one to notice the approaching man.

As Brass entered the room he found himself the focus of seven pairs of eyes but he was only looking for one. He stopped in front of Catherine and took the hand she held out to him. "You okay?"

"Just a mild concussion." Catherine could see the worry in his eyes and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"How's Sara?" That was the burning question in Jim's mind. He hadn't been able to get the image of her bloody broken body out of his head. The look of resignation in her dark eyes as they closed would haunt him until he could see her alive and sending him one of her death glares for daring to be worried about her.

"She's still in surgery. The doctors in the ER said they stabilized her before bringing her up here but we haven't heard a word since then." Catherine didn't want to think about how long it had been since they had been waiting. She knew these things took time but it didn't stop the fear. Doctors had operated on Holly Gribbs for nearly sixteen hours and they hadn't been able to save her.

"Sara's strong she's gonna pull through. I bet you the first thing she says when she wakes up is 'When can I go back to work?'." Hearing chuckles from around the room Brass turned and gave the others a smile. "I would have been here sooner but the sheriff wanted to have a conversation about the shooting."

Seeing the question in Catherine's eyes, Jim remembered that she had been unconscious when he had killed Thomas. "He wanted to convene the shooting review board today but I told him I wouldn't answer any questions until I knew Sara was okay. So it's been scheduled for tomorrow. I get the feeling that someone wants to sweep this under the carpet as quickly as possible."

"Excuse me is Ms Willows here?"

Cath looked up at the interruption to see a doctor in green scrubs looking around the room. "I'm Catherine Willows. Is Sara okay?"

Tim waited for a portly man to move out of the way so he could face the blonde. "I'm Dr. Kingsley, and Ms Sidle is a very lucky woman. The bullet hit in the best place possible and while she'll have to undergo some therapy for the damage to the muscle she should regain full use of the arm. We'll be taking her to ICU for a day or two before moving her to a private room because there could be complications with her other injuries. I'm worried about secondary infections as well as blood clots from the extensive bruising. The next twenty-four hours will be crucial but if she gets through them then I expect her to make a full recovery. "

Catherine closed her eyes as tears of relief escaped to trail hotly down her cheeks. "When can I see her?"

"They're taking her to recovery now. I can give you a couple of minutes but the others will have to wait until tomorrow. ICU visiting hours are from six a.m. till eight a.m. and three p.m. until five p.m." Tim stepped back as the blonde motioned for someone to take the sleeping child from her so that she could follow him.

Grissom wanted to protest but kept silent. He doubted that anything he said would convince the doctor to allow to him see Sara as well. They were still under the impression that the two women were in a relationship and if he said anything Catherine might not get to see the brunette. If that happened he knew his body would probably never be found.

Catherine had known that Sara would be hooked up to machines and tubes but it didn't stop the cold shock of actually seeing it. Her heart clenched at how small the brunette looked laying there, it just wasn't natural to think of the tall lanky woman as tiny but that was how she seemed. The younger woman's face was still slightly pale but it wasn't the spectral shade of white it had been and some of the color had already come back to her cheeks. The blonde took the slender hand that wasn't splinted from where it rested on the sleeping woman's stomach and noted with satisfaction that this time it was warm.

"Sara I know you probably can't hear me but I just wanted you to know I was here. They won't let me stay long but I'll be back first thing in the morning. You're not going to have to go through this alone, I'm going to be with you every step of the way, I promise." Catherine was determined that Sara was not going to carry this burden alone the way she obviously had everything else.

The nurse was back and Cath knew her time was up. She was reluctant to go but she had a daughter that had probably not slept since Thomas had taken her and she needed to get Lindsey home and in her own bed. She leaned over and lightly brushed her lips against Sara's pale forehead. "They're kicking me out but I'll be here tomorrow sweetie so you just get some rest."

As she turned to leave Catherine wondered at the how easily the term of endearment rolled off her tongue. This wasn't the first time she had used it either. Something had changed but she couldn't quite put her finger on it and she didn't really feel like examining it too closely at the moment. She decided to chalk it up to the ordeal they had shared and leave it at that.

When she returned to the waiting room Cath found them all looking up at her expectantly. "She looks better even with the IV's and wires hanging all over the place. She's going to be okay. Look guys I'm going to take Linds home. I'll see you tomorrow."

"We'll walk you out." Nick said coming up beside her with Warrick behind him carrying the slumbering girl.

Greg followed a little slower, allowing Catherine's mother and sister to precede him. He turned when he realized Grissom wasn't with them. "Hey Griss you coming?"

Gil shook his head. "No I'm going to stay for a little while longer. I'll see you later."

Catherine went back to her friend and knelt beside him. "There's nothing you can do tonight. Go home and get some rest. You all look like you haven't slept in days."

"We haven't, we couldn't, not until we got you both back." Grissom couldn't look her in the eye with his guilt weighing so heavily on him.

"Well we're here, safe and on the way to being sound so you can rest. Go home Gil or you're going to fall over. She's asleep and not aware of whether we're here or not." Catherine patted his knee knowing that he wouldn't listen but at least she had tried. She was too tired herself to really argue with him and she completely understood why he didn't want to go. If she didn't have Lindsey to worry about she would be right there beside him all night. "Try to get a little rest okay."

Grissom nodded and left in the opposite direction of everyone else. He wanted to find the ICU waiting room and get settled in. He was going to make sure he was the first person to see Sara in the morning. He had something very important to tell her.

TBC


	16. Part 16

A/N: I hope this part is better than the last, I apologize for its suckage. Major thanks to everyone who has reviewed, you keep me motivated to write, I just wish I actually had the time.

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Part 16

Nurse Cooper looked once more at the assembled group and then back at the clock. They had all been standing in front of her for the last fifteen minuets waiting to see her newest patient. They had tried to talk her into letting them in early but she had told them that visiting hours started six o'clock and not a second before. Now it was six on the dot. "All right you can go in one at a time for ten minutes. No exceptions. Miss Sidle is in room 12. The rest of you stop hovering around my desk and go take a seat in the waiting room."

Grissom didn't bother to ask who was going first he simply started in the direction the nurse had pointed. The journey was short, no more than fifty steps, but it felt like fifty miles. He stopped at the open door and just looked at the brunette for a moment in shock. Most of her body was covered by a light blue hospital blanket, hiding the biggest extent of her injuries. What he could see looked even worse under the bright sterile lights than the brief glimpse he'd had the day before. The bruises on her neck and arms were even darker, if that was possible, and her cheeks were sunken and sallow.

The thought that life was fragile and fleeting got his feet moving again, he had already wasted five years, he didn't want to waste another minute. He moved quickly to the side of her bed, grasped her hand, and waited for her acknowledge his presence. When she failed to move or even blink he leaned over her and found his voice though it sounded more like a strangled cry than a greeting. "Sara."

She had of course noticed him the second he had come to the door but she wasn't ready to face him, to tell him what had happened. Sara knew she would have to but everything was still too fresh, the guilt to heavy, the cuts to her soul too deep. So she ignored him even when it seemed he was going to sob over her.

"Sara I am so sorry. I've been such a fool, such a damn fool. I know I'm not a people person. I don't deal well with the human element. I've let my fear rule me, let it stop me from admitting my feelings. When I found out that you were gone I realized that I could lose you forever and that scared me more than you will ever know. I know I hurt you but I'm asking you to please forgive me, to give me another chance. I promise you this time I won't turn away, I won't ignore your feelings or my own. I love you." Grissom stared at her face waiting for something, anything, to show. He had just laid his heart at her feet and he couldn't tell if she was going to pick it up and hold it close or step on it and crush it.

She almost wanted to cry and she might have if she wasn't so angry. So he knew he had hurt her, huh? She really didn't think he had a clue. All the little smiles, the discrete touches, standing just a bit closer than was necessary, all the little comments that had given her hope only to have him snatch it away again. Of course she had to lay a bit of the blame on herself. She had after all allowed him to do it time and time again, always going back for more.

It was an effort but she kept her eyes on the ceiling and her face impassive. If she let go of the tight reign she had on her emotions now she might not get them back under control. Sara didn't want to give him anything, not even her anger.

'_Since when do you care about beauty?' 'Since I met you.'_

'_Honey this doesn't look good.'_

'_Do you want a copy?' 'I don't need one. I have you.'_

'_I haven't seen you in awhile, have I?' 'You see me every day.'_

'_Do you want to have dinner with me?' 'Noooo.' 'Why not, let's go to dinner. See where this goes.' 'I don't know what to do about…this.'_

'_Someone young and beautiful comes along, someone you could love but you have to risk everything to have her. I couldn't do it, but you did.'_

Why the hell did he pick now to pull his head out of his ass and figure out what to do about _this_? Why now when she was more fucked up than she had ever been in her life did he decide she was worth the risk? She could almost feel sorry for him if she didn't hate him so much right now.

If he had said these things to her a year ago it would have been different. Now she knew what her hero worship, her schoolgirl crush, really was. He was an older man that had shown an interest in her, in her mind and abilities. He had treated her kindly, asked her opinion of things and listened to her. Even though she didn't realize it at the time she was still desperately trying to prove to her parents that she was worthy of being treated like a human being, worthy of being loved. No matter how much they had hurt her or how much they had despised her, she like any child had desperately craved their love and attention. She had sought in him what she had never had in her parents and had convinced herself she was in love with him. With the help of her PEAP councilor, she knew better now. He had kept them both from making a terrible mistake.

Grissom made his way back to toward the waiting room when his time was up feeling all of his fifty years and then some. He didn't stop to speak or even look at the others he just kept walking, needing to get away from that tiny room and the pain he had felt in it.

Catherine watched her former supervisor come out and walk past them in a daze. He looked absolutely crushed. She told the others to go ahead and went after Grissom. While she was desperate to talk to the brunette she had been the only one allowed to see her the night before and they needed to see Sara, touch her, to reassure themselves that she was alive and going to make it.

She found the entomologist in the hall, using the drinking fountain to splash water on his face. Putting her hand on his shoulder Cath turned him around to face her. "Are you okay?"

Grissom had long ago grown use to hiding his feelings, burying them deep where they couldn't interfere with his life. Now the dam had broken and he wasn't sure if he could repair it "She's so broken Catherine and I don't know what to do. She didn't even seem to realize I was there. She just stared at the ceiling."

Catherine rubbed the big man's arm trying to give him a little comfort. "Gil you have to give her time. She's been through hell and back, you can't just expect her to bounce back from that overnight."

"I've been such a monumental idiot all these years and I nearly lost her Cath. Why did it take this for me to see it? Why did I wait so long to tell her?" Grissom backed away from his friend needing to see her eyes. He needed her to tell him he wasn't too late, that there was still hope.

Catherine was struck speechless for a moment. Did he mean that the way she thought? "Oh god Gil what did you do?"

"I told her I was sorry I had hurt her. I told her I loved her." He was confused. When Sara had wanted to take that leave of absence wasn't Catherine the one that had told him to do something, to make a move? All he had been able to give her then was a plant, when he had wanted to give her so much more.

Cath was enraged. How the hell could he be that stupid? She pushed him backward even though she wanted to slap him for his insensitivity. "You really have no clue do you? Damn it Grissom that was the last thing she needed to hear. You have played with her for years, stringing her along and then pushing her away. The man that raped her just tortured her for days and you want to tell her _now_ that you love her? What did you expect that she would just fall into your arms? Just because Thomas didn't rape her this time doesn't mean she wasn't violated. How can you be that damn self-centered? Go home. Just go home and leave her alone for a while."

Grissom stared at Catherine's retreating back stunned. He hadn't expected that reaction. Was what he had done truly so awful? He needed to think. Walking out of the hospital without a word to anyone Gil went to the one place he and Sara had in common, work.

Catherine stormed back into the waiting room. She took a seat away from the others not wanting to be around anyone just yet. She needed to calm down before she saw Sara. The last thing the younger woman needed was to see her boiling mad. She knew that it would probably frighten the brunette and she didn't want her anymore distressed than she already had been by that emotional midget. She was going to have to have a long talk with Grissom once she could look at him without wanted to smack him.

The waiting was endless as each one of her co-workers went in, stayed their ten minutes and came out all with the same story. Sara didn't move, didn't speak, didn't even seem to know they were there. Catherine was getting more and more agitated as her turn approached. Greg was the last one and his time was almost up. The second the former DNA tech reentered the waiting room the blonde was on her feet. She didn't wait to hear what he had to say, she was sure she already knew.

Sara was exhausted. She never knew ignoring people could be so tiring. Nick and Warrick's visits had been almost identical. They had both told her how much they loved her like a sister, how sorry they were that they hadn't had much time to see her lately and how they would be there whenever she needed them. She realized pretty quickly that they didn't know what had happened otherwise they wouldn't have been there saying those things to her. Once they found out what she did they would turn their backs on her faster than a speeding bullet.

Greg had tried every trick in the book to get her to react. He had told her inappropriate jokes, made goofy faces at her and basically acted the clown. He had definitely made it tough for her. The only thing that had kept her silent was the thought of how he would look at her when he found out what she had done. He had become like the kid brother she had never had and she knew that when he eventually turned disappointed and disgusted eyes on her it would break her heart.

When Catherine entered the room she found the brunette just as the others had said. She knew that it was an act because she had seen what Sara truly looked like when she wasn't really there. The blonde shuddered at the memory and shoved it into the back of her mind, she didn't want to think about that right now. "Hey Sidle I know you're not one for small talk but don't you think you could have at least said hello to the guys?"

Willows waited for nearly a minute before she got fed up with the silent treatment. She wasn't just going to stand there and let Sara hide from her. She leaned over the bed, not realizing she was mimicking Grissom's actions, and looked directly into the younger woman's chocolate orbs. "Sara don't you dare try to shut me out, not after everything we've been through. I know you can hear me so talk to me damn it!"

Sara couldn't imagine why the older woman hadn't shown up with a uniform to place her under arrest. How could she stand to be anywhere near her much less act like she cared about her? Her resolve was breaking in the wake of Catherine's impassioned plea and she had to close her eyes to stop herself from answering.

Catherine wanted to cry as the first tears began spilling from the corners of Sara's eyes. She hadn't meant to upset the brunette. She just wanted to be let in. She reached up and began to stroke the dark hair fanned across the pillow trying to sooth the younger woman. "Its okay sweetheart, please don't cry. Shh I'm sorry I raised my voice."

Sara couldn't take it. She didn't deserve compassion, not from this woman, not after what she had done to the blonde and what she had suffered because of her. It didn't stop her wanting it though and in the end her need overcame her good judgment and she wrapped her arms around Catherine, not caring how much it hurt to move. Pulling the older woman down, she buried her face in soft blonde hair.

Catherine gladly sank into the embrace and let her tears mingle with Sara's. The injured woman might not be talking but at least she was interacting. The blonde would take what she could get at this point. She just had to remember her own advice and not push the brunette, to give her time.

Cath pulled away long minutes later when she felt Sara's arms go slack and then fall away. For a moment she thought the brunette was just pulling away from her until she noticed that the lanky woman was sleep. She sighed and pulled a chair close to the bed and started running her fingers through the younger woman's hair just to stay in physical contact. Sara looked so much younger than her thirty-four years when her face was relaxed in sleep and it brought out Catherine's protective nature.

How could she have taken so long to see what an incredible person Sara was? Why did it take something like this for her to realize that she had totally dismissed the brunette without really getting to know her? The younger woman had been willing to give her life for someone that had made her life difficult from the first moment they had met. True they often managed to get along, sometimes for weeks at a time, but something always seemed to set them at odds again. They were both strong willed, passionate women and they were going to have differences of opinion but somehow it always seemed to end up getting personal. She'd had no idea that she had been adding to the pain Sara had been put through most of her life. Catherine vowed that if she had to bite the end of her tongue off she would never throw another callous remark Sara's way.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a nurse shooing her out so that the brunette's bandages could be changed. Catherine leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Sara's forehead before making her way back out to the waiting room. The others had already left to get a few more hours rest or take care of personal business before their shifts so she was alone for the time being.

"Hey Catherine, how's she doing?" Brass gave himself a metal slap as the blonde jumped at the sound of his voice. After what she had been through sneaking up on her wasn't a good idea.

Cath had been staring out the window and hadn't seen or heard the homicide captain's approach. She looked up into his soulful eyes and gave him a sad grin. "Physically I think she's making progress. Emotionally she's not doing well. Jim she wouldn't say a word or even look at the guys. I managed to get her to make eye contact with me but she wouldn't speak. I'm worried about her."

"Sara's strong and she has all of us to help her through this. We just have to convince her to let us." Jim was gratified to see so much concern from Willows for the brunette. Catherine had never been one of Sara's biggest supporters. She was nearly as stubborn as her younger co-worker though so if she set her mind on helping Sidle, she would do it.

"I know she's strong Jim, she's so much stronger than any of us ever knew, but she's been through so much, so much. How many blows can one soul take before it shatters?" Catherine couldn't help but think that this could be the thing that broke Sara. She didn't know if they would be able to put her back together if that happened.

"You know something I don't. Spill it Catherine." It was obvious to the seasoned detective that the blonde wasn't just talking about the rape Sara had survived. While the other CSI's didn't know about that he, Grissom and Catherine did. There was something else.

"I'm sorry I can't. It's for Sara to tell when and if she's ready. How did the shooting review go?" Catherine wanted to get his mind away from the subject at hand before he had a chance to ask more questions. The knowledge she now held was weighing heavily on her heart and as much as she wanted to lighten the load a little she couldn't betray Sara that way.

Brass knew a diversionary tactic when he heard one but he decided to let it go, for the moment. "About the way I expected it to. Seems the higher ups want this to go away as quickly as possible. Two dead cops and two kidnapped CSI's makes the lab and the sheriff's office look bad. They're trying to keep it quite with the media as well."

"I got a call last night from Ecklie insisting that I come in today to give my statement. When I asked what the rush was since Thomas was dead, all he would say was they needed to close out the case. Then he had the nerve to ask me when I thought Sara would be able to give her's." Catherine was still fuming at the pompous toady's insensitivity.

"And you told him to go to hell." Jim surmised by the angry and disgusted look on the blondes face.

"In a manner of speaking, yes. I think the exact words I used were 'If you even try to talk to her before she's released from the hospital I will rip your lips off.' I don't know if he'll listen because all he said was that I was on mandatory two weeks leave and would have to see the department shrink before I could come back to work." The way Ecklie had acted like she hadn't said a word had made Cath see red. She had been about to tear into him when Lindsey had walked into the room and she had closed her mouth with an audible snap, her daughter didn't need to hear her use those kinds of words. If the man wouldn't listen then she would just sit guard outside Sara's room to make sure he stayed away from her.

Jim chuckled to himself at the mental image the blonde's words conjured up. He could just imagine Ecklie's clenched jaw as he bit back a retort to that threat. The man might be an egotistical jackass but it seemed even he wasn't stupid enough to cross Catherine Willows when she got her Irish up. He was going to tease her a bit but the arrival of a nurse telling Cath she could go back in to see Sara halted the words before he could open his mouth.

"You go ahead Jim, you haven't seen her yet. I'll go back in when you're done. She's in room 12." Catherine offered the captain. She knew he had been extremely worried about the brunette, it was etched on his face.

"Yeah I think I'll do that. You take care of yourself and don't let Ecklie get to you too much." Jim gave Catherine's shoulder a careful pat before making his way to the young CSI's room.

At first glance he thought the battered figure on the bed was asleep until he stopped by her side and her deep brown eyes slowly blinked open opened. The second they settled on him though the brunette quickly closed them, eyebrows knotting tightly together. He couldn't tell though if she was in pain or was unhappy to see him. "Hey there kiddo I hear you not in a real talkative mood but that's okay. You and me we're a lot alike you know, the strong silent type. But I got to tell ya I can't really keep quite about this."

Sara knew when she saw Brass standing over her that it was all over. He was going to read her her rights and cuff her to the hospital bed until she could be transferred to a secure ward. His words only confirmed that fear. Of course she had expected it but she had hoped for a little more time. At least she was in Nevada and wouldn't have to worry about being in the same prison as her mother.

"You gave me one hell of scare young lady and it got me thinking. This thing we have has worked for us up until now but after the last three days I can't go back to the way it was. You have a father and I have a daughter that can't even stand to be in the same city as me. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your dad but I can't remember you ever talking about him. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I love ya kid, like you was my own. So if the position is open I'd like to put in an application and if not well that's fine too I can just be the favorite uncle or something. That is if you can forgive me for not doing enough to protect you." Brass watched as Sara's eyes snapped back open to stare at him in disbelief. It was pretty clear that she wasn't expecting that little speech. He just hoped he hadn't been misreading her all this time and that the deep affection he felt for her was returned.

Sara couldn't believe her ears. Jim wanted to be her dad? He loved her like his own daughter? Even her own father had never really wanted her. Her parents had told her often enough that she had been an accident and was lucky to be alive. By the time they had figured out her mother was pregnant she was too far along and the back alley butchers wouldn't touch her with a ten foot long coat hanger. They already had their son, what could they possibly want with a useless brat like her?

Never before had someone wanted her just for her. Even if tomorrow he came to slap the cuffs on her and tell her what a monster she had allowed herself to become this was one memory she would treasure forever. Whatever darkness engulfed her in the near and distant future she would look back at this single moment of light, someone had once loved her and hadn't been afraid to tell her.

Jim was mortified as first Sara's bottom lip began to quiver and then tears formed at the corners of her deep coffee colored eyes. "Hey come on now you know I can't stand to see a woman cry, especially not you.

Sara reached for his hand, squeezing it as hard as she was able to in her weakened condition. Jim had always shown her such quite concern, always looking out for her without making it seem like that was what he was doing. She'd had no idea his feelings for her ran so deep though. She wanted to tell him that she would be proud to call him Dad and that he had come to mean more to her that her real father ever had. The sudden lump in her throat prevented her from saying anything though. Perhaps it was better that way, it would hurt him less when the truth came out.

They sat quietly for a while, it was enough just to be together. Neither one noticed the nurse until she emptied a syringe into Sara's IV. "It's time for you pain meds Ms. Sidle. You better wrap up your visit because you're going to be out like a light in a few minutes."

Brass thought the young woman's estimate was a bit optimistic. Sara's eyelids were already drooping and though she was fighting to stay awake she was losing the battle. He sat with her until her eyes failed to open again. He brought his new 'daughter's' hand up and rested it over his heart for a few seconds before placing it gently back on her stomach and exiting the room, his heart a little lighter.

Catherine resumed her vigil at Sara's bedside after speaking with Jim for moment after he returned from his visit. He had seemed upbeat and even had a little smile playing but all he would say was he thought everything was going to turn out all right. She hoped so. The brunette was long past due for some peace and happiness in her life.

She knew that she didn't have much longer before someone came to kick her out until the afternoon visiting hours. She needed this time with Sara though to prepare herself for the ordeal she was about to face. Just thinking about having to relive the horror they had been through made her heart race. Catherine reached up and began stroking the brunette's hair, using the contact to ground and sooth herself. It was amazing how quickly the action brought her heart rate back to normal.

When a nurse finally came to tell Cath her time was up, she placed a tender kiss on Sara's forehead in what was quickly becoming a ritual for her. With a quietly whispered promise to see the brunette later she left to go face the questions she wasn't sure she was ready to answer.

TBC


	17. Part 17

A/N: Sorry this part took so long but it didn't want to seem to end. I thought about splitting it but up but it flatly refused. I know I've said it before but it bears repeating: Thank you all for you're wonderful reviews. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks, Kimmi.

A/N2: I couldn't remember which sheriff was in office during this season, so I just picked one. Also I don't remember if Catherine's mother's name was ever mentioned so I made one up. If I got wither of them wrong let me know and I will change them.

Part 17

By the time Catherine made it home she was emotionally as well as physically exhausted. She hadn't slept much the night before. Every time she had closed her eyes the ghostly echoes of Sara's screams would thrust her eyelids up again. She had finally managed to drift off sometime after three but her slumber had been uneasy at best.

By the time she made it down to PD what little energy she had regained from seeing the brunette had evaporated. The interview itself hadn't been that bad even though Ecklie had insisted on sitting in. While he had mercifully kept his mouth shut just his presence in the room was enough to put her on edge.

Brass had been right when he when he said he thought the Sheriff wanted to make the situation go away as fast as possible. Atwater had personally conducted the entire meeting, which basically consisted of her going through the events from beginning to end, once. He had only asked a couple of questions on a few small details and then told her he would have the transcript typed up and sent to her home by messenger for her to sign. While he had tried to make it as easy for her as possible it was still painful for her to have to relive those terrifying days so soon.

All Catherine wanted now was to lie down for a couple of hours before she went back to the hospital. Opening her front door the blonde was greeted by the sound of the tv and her mother sitting on the couch with an annoyed look on her face. "Hi Mom, thanks for staying with Lindsey this morning."

"Catherine you know I don't mind looking after her but you are her mother, _you_ should have been here. I know you're concerned about your friend but you should have been spending that time with your daughter. Did you even stop to think how she would feel when you left this morning? We just got you back and already you're off running around." Lily had watched her grandchild stand in the window as her mother drove away. While the girl hadn't said anything she could see the fear in her eyes that Catherine was leaving and might not come back this time. Lindsey had learned much too young that bad things could happen to the people she loved.

"First of all Mom, I wasn't off running around. I was at the hospital to see Sara, the woman who has a rather large hole in her shoulder that was meant for my head. She saved my life and I would think you would be a little more grateful to her. She's been through a hell of a lot and I'm not just going to abandon her. Secondly I spoke to Lindsey this morning and told her where I was going and why; she didn't seem to have a problem with it." This wasn't the first argument Catherine had had with her mother about how she was raising her daughter. It had been a point of contention between the two women since Lily had moved back to Vegas and even though the blonde wasn't in the mood to get into the same old fight she wasn't going to back down.

"Believe me I am very thankful that she protected you but your daughter should still some first. You didn't see that child's face after you left, she was…"

"I was fine Grandma. I just wanted to go see Sara too." Lindsey had heard the argument from her room and decided to stop it before they actually started yelling at each other.

Catherine sent a glare towards her mother before going to her daughter and pulling her into a hug. "I know you want to see her Linds but we talked about this. They won't let you in the ICU, you would've had to sit in the waiting room and then I had to go down to the station afterward to give a statement so you would have had sit around there too. When they move her to a regular room I promise I'll take you to see Sara. Okay?"

Lindsey nodded and tightened her grip on her mom, not quite ready to let her go. She had always liked Sara even though she only got to see the tall woman a couple of times a year. The brunette had been really nice to her when her dad died and now that she had saved her mom's life that made the CSI a hero in her eyes.

"Have you eaten yet?" Catherine asked as she leaned back to see Lindsey's face, but didn't break their embrace. It was so nice to have her daughter not shy away from her touch, or run from the room when she entered.

"I'm not really hungry, just tired." She hadn't slept much after her mom was taken and when she did nightmares woke up her. Maybe it was the fact that no one knew where she was because it had been worse than when her dad died. The old nightmares about being trapped in the car came back but with a new twist, this time when her mom tried to get her out, the water snatched her away, pulling her downstream. All Lindsey could do was watch as her mom disappeared under the swirling black water. She had woken up so many times with tears running down her face and calling for her mother that she had finally given up on sleeping all together.

"Do you want to come take a nap with me, like when you were little?" Catherine asked as she ran her fingers through the golden silk of Lindsey's hair. She had always loved cuddling up with her daughter whenever she had the chance and managed to get the overactive child to slow down enough to sleep.

Linds had to think about it for moment. She was really too old to take naps, especially with her mother. On the other hand she had always felt so safe and secure when her mom had wrapped her in her arms and held her close. She wanted to feel that way again especially after the strangling fear she had felt at the thought she might never see her mom again. "Yeah I do."

"Ok, why don't you go throw on some comfortable clothes and I'll be there in a minute." Catherine waited until Lindsey was out of earshot before she turned her attention back to her mother. "Look Mom, I'm not in the mood to fight with you right now. You've made your opinion of how I'm raising my daughter perfectly clear on more than one occasion but you need to remember that she's _my_ child. Lindsey is always my priority but right now Sara needs me too.

You have no idea what that woman has been through, and I don't just mean the last few days, I'm talking about her entire life. I only know a few bare facts and I can't believe that she managed to survive much less come out of it the incredible person she is. So I'm going to the hospital this afternoon and if you don't want to help me out then I'll just take Lindsey with me."

Lily knew it wasn't easy to be a single parent but Catherine made it harder on herself and Lindsey by working long, odd hours. There were some days that the girl only got to see her mother for thirty minutes the time she got home from school and her mom left for work. Then there were the days she got called back in after maybe an hour in bed. It wasn't healthy, for either of them.

The older woman looked carefully at the dark circles under her daughter's eyes and the deep lines of worry etched into her face. Catherine hadn't really told them much about what had happened but she could see that it had affected her greatly. She decided to leave the discussion for another time, when they were both not quite so tired. "I'll stay with Lindsey, there's no need to go dragging her to hospital."

Cath narrowed her eyes at the older woman. Her mother didn't usually give in without a fight or at the very least a parting shot at her. She was dead on her feet though and didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth. Nodding her head in acceptance the blonde left her mom standing in the living room and walked back to her bedroom.

Lindsey was already on the bed curled up in the middle like a kitten. Catherine smiled at the precious image and went to change as quickly as possible. After setting the alarm to make sure she was up in plenty of time to get to the hospital before visiting hours started the blonde slid across the mattress to snuggle up behind her daughter. Throwing one arm around the girl's waist to hold her close Cath thanked whatever power that might be listening for this one perfect moment with her child.

"Mom is Sara really going to be okay?" Lindsey had been on the verge of sleep when she felt the bed dip with her mom's weight. It was a question that had been gnawing at her for a while. She knew that someone had to be really sick or really hurt to be in intensive care and she was afraid her mother wasn't telling her everything. Maybe Sara was hurt a lot worse than they were letting on.

Catherine's eyes flew open at the sudden question. She had assumed the girl was asleep until she spoke. "Yeah Linds, she'll be fine but she's going to need our help. I want to ask Sara to come stay with us when she gets out of the hospital. How you would feel about that?" She had been thinking about it all morning and found she couldn't stand the thought of the lanky brunette going home alone once she was released. Sara was stubbornly independent but would need help and she wanted to be the one to give it to her.

"I think its good idea. That way we won't have to go all the way over to her place every day and you won't worry when she's alone." Lindsey answered after a moments thought.

God her girl was smart, observant too, Catherine thought to herself as she tightened her grip on her daughter. "Thank you."

"I love you Mom." Lindsey said softly. She really regretted the fact that the last couple of years she had rarely said it. Her mom could have died not knowing that she didn't really hate her. When her dad had died it felt like he had abandoned her and her mom was too busy to spend time with her, it had made her so angry. The constant teasing of the kids at school hadn't helped either. Sometimes the rage she felt was so hot it felt like it would burn her from the inside out if it wasn't released. Unfortunately her mother was the one she usually directed it at. The longer it went on the worse it got until she didn't know how to fix it. Linds knew this was her chance and she had to make the most of it.

"I love you too baby." Catherine answered just as gently as her heart swelled so quickly it felt like it was about to burst out of her chest. She couldn't remember the last time Lindsey had said that to her and it felt so good it brought a tear of joy to her eye.

Xxx

Catherine hurried into the ICU ward, her daughter in tow, with barely five minutes to spare. It had been harder to get out of the house than she had thought it would be. Lindsey had wanted to come with her and while she had tried to convince her that she would be bored and wouldn't get to see Sara, the girl had refused to be left behind. In the end she hadn't had the heart to say no. "Linds I want you to promise me that you won't leave this room for any reason."

"Mom I'm not a baby. I know not to take candy from strangers or help people find their lost puppies. I'll be fine." The exasperation in the girl's voice was clear. Lindsey was almost thirteen years old and she hated it when her mother treated her like she was still five.

"I know you're not but it doesn't stop me from worrying about you, so just promise me please." Cath wanted to trust her daughter but after the hitchhiking incident last year it was hard, she just needed a little extra reassurance.

Lindsey resisted the urge to roll her eyes, barely. "I promise I'll sit right here and not move or talk to anyone."

Catherine planted a kiss on top of the girl's golden head and turned to go make her way to Sara's room. That's when she spotted the last person she wanted to see. She should have expected Grissom to show up but she had hoped that he would've taken her words that morning to heart.

It was obvious as he walked past her towards the nurses' station that he was ignoring her but Catherine wasn't going to let him. She hurried after the entomologist and caught up just as he stopped at the desk. Grabbing his arm she forced him to face her. "Gil what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm going to see Sara." Grissom nearly growled at her. He had been thinking since he left that morning and he was determined not to give up no matter what the blonde said. He had seen exactly what he had to lose and this time he wasn't going to just sit back and let Sara slip through his fingers.

"No you're not. You're going stop being so damn selfish and give her time to recover before you start trying to put a move on her." Catherine's voice was low and dangerous. She was just as fiercely determined to protect the brunette as he was to make a complete ass out of himself.

"Actually neither of you are going to see Miss Sidle." The nurse spoke up before a fistfight started.

"What? You can't keep me out of there." Catherine turned to the elderly woman behind the desk, her eyes throwing flaming daggers.

"Oh yes I can and I am. Miss Sidle has asked not to have visitors. So unless you would both like to be escorted out by security I suggest you leave quietly." Nurse Cooper was sympathetic towards them, she was. It was hard having a loved one in pain and even harder when they wouldn't allow their friends and family to help them, but she had to respect the patient's wishes.

"This is you're fault." Catherine spat at the man beside her. "If you hadn't been such a self-centered bastard Sara wouldn't be keeping us out."

Grissom wanted to yell at the blonde that it couldn't possibly be because of him, that Sara was just being Sara. She loved him, he knew that she did. Even though she had never said the words he had seen it in her eyes, in her actions, time and time again. After she asked him out to dinner things had become strained between them but lately they had been growing close again. She had shared her painful past with him. That had to mean something.

Turning around in hopes of finding someone to make an appeal to Gil saw Nick and Warrick glaring at him, arms crossed over their chests. Judging by their body language they must have heard the entire conversation and by the looks on their faces, even if he found a doctor that would agree to let him see Sara they would find a way to stop him. There was only one option left open to him, retreat quietly and wait for his chance.

Catherine watched Grissom stalk off, back ramrod straight, and knew that he wouldn't give up. When the man got an idea in his head he was like a pit bull with a bone, he wouldn't let it go come hell or high water. She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and turned to look into Warrick's sympathetic eyes but it was Nick that spoke.

"What the hell was he thinking?" The Texan knew his former supervisor had feelings for Sara, a blind man could've seen that. He just couldn't believe that Grissom would do something like that after everything the brunette had been through.

"I think he just realized how much he had to lose. I think we all did." Warrick didn't agree with what the older man had done, but he understood it. They had all been forced to do a lot of soul searching during those three desperate days.

"What are you guys doing here? Shouldn't you be on your way to the lab?" Catherine asked changing the subject. It was hitting a little to close to home. It had taken her five years, a kidnapping and a near death experience to show her what she had refused to see.

"Yeah, we just wanted to stop by to see her first and with the boss not there we figured we could be a few minutes late. I guess we better go tell Greggo he can catch a few more hours of sleep and get out of here." Nick looked away from his friends towards the waiting room where the newest CSI was talking animatedly with Lindsey.

"No just leave him where he is, I'm going to need his help." A plan was forming in Catherine's mind and it would take two people to pull it off.

"Cath what are you up to?" Warrick asked, his brows knitted together in concern. The blonde had a devious look on her face and a dangerous glint in her eyes. He hoped she wasn't plotting Grissom's demise.

"I'm going to see Sara." Catherine repeated Gil's words. She figured the worst thing that could happen was she would get kicked out of the hospital and since she had already been barred from the brunette's room that wouldn't be such a big deal. It was worth the minimal risk if she could get to Sara and change her mind.

"Do you want us to stick around in case you need bail money?" Nick ribbed her gently with a grin on his face.

"No you two get to work. Just because I'm not there doesn't mean you get to slack off." Catherine retorted with a smile. She knew her guys would never fall down on the job.

"Yeah picture that. We'll see you in the morning after shift. Call us if you need anything." Warrick was happy to see the blonde joking and smiling. After the all she had gone through and her concern for Sara weighing so heavily on her it was good to see that she could enjoy a little lame humor.

"Wait a second, what do you mean after shift? You guys get off long before morning." The comment struck the blonde as odd. When they worked nights it was normal for them to leave around daybreak but these days they left a lot earlier.

Warrick knew there was no love lost between the lab's two blondes but Cath needed to know what the other woman had done for them. "We're going to cover for Sophia tonight so she can get some rest. She's been running herself ragged since you and Sara were taken. On top of running interference with Ecklie and day shift to get us information she covered most of the cases coming in by herself so we could concentrate on finding you. She really came through for us."

Catherine was more than a little stunned. She and Sophia weren't exactly on friendly terms and she wouldn't have thought Curtis had been on graveyard long enough to get close to Sara. "I'll have to thank her when I get back. Now get out of here before I write you both up for tardiness."

After accepting hugs from Warrick and Nick and giving her word to call them if she needed anything Catherine caught Greg's attention and waved him over. It took less than a minute to explain the problem and her solution to him. He readily agreed to help and the plan was set in motion.

Greg sauntered up to the desk and slipped around it as nonchalantly as he could, ignoring the woman sitting there as she called out for him to stop. He was on a mission and failure was not an option. He was halfway down the corridor when the nurse caught up to him. The hand on his arm was surprisingly strong for an older lady. Putting on his best innocent look Sanders turned to face the woman. "Yes?"

"Sir you have to check in at the desk before you can visit a patient." Nurse Cooper said in an icy tone. The rules were there for a reason and it ticked her off when people decided that they didn't apply to them.

"A patient? No I'm just looking for the vending machines. My friend's daughter is a little hungry and I thought I would get her a candy bar or something to hold her over." Greg gave the woman the most charming smile he had in his repertoire as he chanced a glance up the corridor. He breathed a tiny sigh of relief when her he saw Catherine slipping unnoticed into Sara's room.

"Young man this is the Intensive Care Unit not a convenience store. There are candy machines one floor up next to the elevators although you're going to ruin the girl's appetite this close to dinner time." Cooper was tempted to grab the man's ear instead of his arm as she led him back the way they had come. She had a very low tolerance for ignorance.

Catherine waited until she saw the nurse run after Greg before moving away from the fake plant she had half hidden herself behind. She walked confidently down the hall as if she belonged there hoping no one would question her. The blonde made it into the brunette's room without a problem but stopped short of the bed. The younger woman was clearly awake but hadn't noticed her yet as she was staring at the monitor that was displaying the steady rhythm of her heart. It was clear to her that Sara had been crying, though her eyes were dry now they were red and swollen.

Taking the last few steps forward Cath reached out and brushed a lock of stray hair away from the woman's face, tucking it behind her ear before letting her hand rest on a pale cheek. "Sara, why are you doing this? Why do you want to shut us out, shut me out?"

"Because I have to." Sara answered hoarsely, closing her eyes even as she leaned into the contact. She had tried so hard to do the right thing but one touch from Catherine and she was undone. The brunette should have known the blonde would find a way to get in her room. The woman would argue with a mountain that it was in her way until she convinced it move.

Willows cringed at the harsh raspy sound of the brunette's voice. It was a reminder of how much Sara had been through, how she had screamed until she couldn't scream anymore. "No you don't. You don't have to be strong now, you can let me be your strength for a little while."

"How?" Sara could barely choke out the word as her throat constricted painfully. Catherine shouldn't feel like she needed to put her own trauma aside and help her because Sidle had been shot trying to make up for what she had done.

"Just lean on me, let me take the burden for a while. You're not alone anymore Sara, I'm here." Catherine was struck hard by the question. The younger woman must never have had anyone she could turn to or depend on. She'd only had herself to rely on for so long that now she didn't know how to let someone help her.

Sara moved her head away from Catherine's hand, needing a little distance. The blonde had misunderstood her question. "No. How can you stand to look at me, be in the same room with me after what I did to you, after what he did to you because of me? I sexually assaulted you, I'm a monster."

Cath was taken aback. Did she really believe that? Of course she did. It was who Sara was. Knowing all to well what Michael Thomas was the brunette would have of course assumed that she had been raped. The blonde had feared the same thing about the younger woman. It spoke deeply to the kind of person Sara was that she would feel responsible for actions she'd had no control over.

Catherine reached out and grasped the broken woman's chin and turned her head, forcing Sara to look at her. "Now you listen to me Sara Sidle and you listen good. Thomas didn't rape me. He gave me a mild concussion but that's all. As for you, you didn't do a thing to me. I looked into your eyes and you weren't there. That man was the monster, not you. He had tortured you for days, done god knows what to you and your mind ran away and hid. When I needed you though, you came back and saved my life, not once but twice, even though you had to be in indescribable pain."

"You were afraid me. I saw it on your face." A lot of what happened during those agonizing days was a little blurry but Sara remembered that clearly. That look had sent a knife through her soul and shaken her to her core.

Catherine wasn't sure how she should respond to that. Should she be completely honest and perhaps feed Sara's self destructive beliefs, or lie? The younger woman would mostly see trough any deception and it would simply reinforce her fears so there really wasn't a choice to be made. "I wasn't afraid of you, not at first, not when you touched me, and let me tell you that I've had worse gropes standing in line at the grocery store. It was when he put the knife in your hand that I got scared. The look in you eyes was terrifying. There was so much fear and pain and hatred there and I thought it was directed at me."

Sara shook her head. There was no denying that she had touched the other woman in an unwelcome and inappropriate way regardless of what the blonde said, nothing could excuse that behavior. Her actions had caused Catherine pain, were still hurting her, so even though she didn't want to talk about it she had to tell the older woman the truth. "It wasn't you. The knife was just like the one my mother used to murder my father. Seeing it in my hand brought back everything from that night. The way my mother smiled as she sank it into his chest. The way the blood looked as it flew around the room and covered everything including me. The way it smelled.

How afraid I was that she was going to come after me next. How much I hated her for dragging me out of bed and making me watch her do it. All of it came slamming back and I was reliving it for a minute. I'm sorry I scared you, I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm so sorry."

Hot tears scalded their way down Catherine's face. How could a mother do that to her child? What else had the brunette suffered at the hands of such a woman? Thomas had said her father was abusive, what had he done to the innocent child he was supposed to protect? "Oh god Sara please don't, you have nothing to be sorry for. Do you know how proud I am, no, how honored I am just to know you? The things you've lived through would have broken most people, twisted them, but not you. You survived everything and came out of it a compassionate, strong, brave, dedicated woman that fights tooth and nail to get justice for the victims regardless of the emotional or physical damage to yourself. I'm the one that should be apologizing to you. I never gave you a fair chance. I took out all my frustrations on you because you were a convenient target. I let my fears and insecurities blind me to what a beautiful person you are. Please forgive me?"

"Only if you forgive me." Sara's own tears where coursing down her cheeks at the heartfelt outpouring from the blonde. She desperately wanted absolution even though she didn't think she deserved it. What she had done would always be a shadow lurking in the back of her mind. Thomas had planted a dark seed in her head and she would have to keep a close watch on it to make sure it didn't take root. If she thought that was happening she'd eat her gun before she could hurt someone.

Catherine reached out and wiped the tears off the brunette's face. "There is absolutely nothing for you to be sorry for but if that's what you need then I'll give it without reservation. I forgive you Sara."

"Thank you." It was all Sara could do to force the words out past the lump in her throat as a tiny bit of the crushing weight of her guilt lifted. She'd never be completely free of it but it was a little lighter.

Letting her fingers linger on Sara's flushed cheek Cath knew that she hadn't banished the younger woman's fears, only pushed them back for a while. It would take more than a few words to get the brunette to believe that she couldn't be held responsible for what happened. At least now she knew now knew the reason why Sidle had refused to see anyone. "So I can tell the guys that we can all see you in the morning? Because I might get away with using Greg to distract Nurse Ratchet one more time but I don't think he could get her away from the desk enough to get everyone to get back here."

Sara bit her lip in indecision. Catherine said she forgave her, but would the others? She thought about what she had said to her doctor when he questioned her about not wanting visitors. _'Have you ever done something so reprehensible, so atrocious that it would turn everyone that knows you against you? I did.' _"I'm scared to see them. I scared that now that they know what happened they'll hate me. I don't know if I could take seeing the repulsion in their eyes."

"They don't know, no one does and no one will. It's not in my statement so you don't have to worry." Catherine tried to ease Sara's fears. She had made the decision to hold back some details of their ordeal the moment they were rescued. It wouldn't hurt or help a dead man and could only bring the brunette harm.

"What? Cath you can't do that! That's tampering with evidence, obstruction of justice, you could get fired." Sara was terrified of everyone finding out but she didn't want Catherine to lose her job, not for her.

"Sara you're not the one under investigation and Michael Thomas is dead. Some of the things that were said and done in that room are no ones business but ours. The only thing that would be accomplished by making it public record would be to have Ecklie and the Sheriff scrutinizing your every move. I'm trying to protect you, please let me do that?" Catherine was begging the brunette. After their little argument in the halls of the lab and Sidle's subsequent blow up at Conrad the Assistant Director was looking for any excuse to get rid of Sara. The job meant too much to the younger woman for her to allow that to happen because of two little touches that she had been forced into committing.

Sara wanted to argue. She knew that everything Catherine had said was true but it went against every thing in her to lie about evidence, even if it was to save her own skin. But what about to save someone else, someone she had already wronged? The blonde had given her sworn statement, a legally binding document. If she gave a different account now it would get only get the older woman into trouble and she couldn't do that to her. "Okay, but only because I can't let you get fired because of me."

Catherine didn't stop to think, she just acted. Standing up she leaned over the brunette and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. As she murmured a thank you against the pale skin she heard the younger woman gasp. She realized that while she had quickly gotten use to this small act of connection it was the first time she had done it while Sara was awake. Blushing furiously the blonde stood up and took a step back, afraid she had offended the woman. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that."

"No it's all right. I was just surprised." Shocked was more like it. Catherine often showed such physical affection towards the guys, a peck on the cheek or a hug when they'd had a bad day, but until this entire nightmare began the blonde had never once extended that sort of mothering towards her. In the space of a few days the older woman had hugged her, held her hand, gently dried her tears and now she had kissed her. Sara liked this side of the other woman being directed at her.

Cath could see the sincerity in Sara's mahogany eyes but she could also see a bone-deep weariness. She felt exhausted herself from more than just the emotional roller coaster they had been on this afternoon and she knew the brunette had to be feeling it much more acutely with her injuries. "I've kept you up too long, you need your rest."

It was as if the blonde's words had flipped a switch as Sara felt her eyelids beginning to droop. She couldn't believe how much she had been sleeping. Sure they had her doped up but usually she was lucky to get three hours in a row before a nightmare woke her up. Today she couldn't seem to stay awake for more than an hour at a time and that meant more dark dreams to haunt her. She was already half asleep when she realized she was speaking. "Can you stay for a little longer?"

"I'm not going to move from this spot until they run me out of here for the night and I'll be back first thing in the morning along with the guys." Catherine quickly promised at the unexpected question. Perhaps she had gotten through to Sara after all if she was asking her to stay.

"Ok, but not Grissom. I can't…"

"No sweetheart, not Grissom. I'm not going to let him hurt you again." Catherine felt a renewed rage at her old friend as sleep overtook the younger woman. That man was going to have to get his act together and soon. The last thing the brunette needed was a love sick, emotionally stunted, workaholic throwing himself at her while she tried to pick up the pieces of her life a madman had scattered to the wind. Well if she had to handcuff Gil, barricade and nail shut his door, cut his phone lines and steal his car, she was going to keep him away from Sara until she said she was ready to see him.

As Cath got as comfortable as she could in the hard plastic chair she realized that she hadn't asked Sara to stay with her when she was released. Picking up the brunette's uninjured hand the blonde figured it could wait until tomorrow. The woman on the bed wasn't going anywhere so there was time.

TBC


	18. Part 18

Thank you all soooo much for the reviews and the suggestions. I will give them all due consideration. Nothing in future chapters is written in stone except that Sara and Catherine will end up together, just not how they get there. I think everyone knows by now that I'm an angst whore, I just can't seem to write anything else, but I do believe in happy endings. I now I suck at titles, and summeries for that matter, but it's kind of late to change it now.Thank you for sticking with me, I hope I don't disappoint. Kimmi

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Part 18

Sara woke up gasping for air, still caught in the icy grip of her latest nightmare. Memories of her childhood had always invaded her sleep and although the shrink her social worker had forced her to see for a time had said that they would fade with time, but that hadn't been the case. As she got older they seemed to become more vivid until it was like she was reliving it all over again. Sometimes when she woke up she swore she could feel the cuts, bruises and broken bones she had suffered. After she had become a CSI the victims she couldn't help, couldn't find justice for, joined with her parents in torturing her, their screams mingling with her own.

The beginning of this nightmare was an achingly familiar one. The memory that Thomas had made her recount for him several times. The first time her father had hit her hard enough to snap one of her bones.

_She always tried to be careful, quiet, invisible. Usually she could make them forget she was there, but not today. Toady she had the misfortune of tripping over the rug. She reached out without thinking, grabbing for the table to stop herself from falling. That's when the lamp began to wobble, teetering dangerously close to the edge. For a moment she thought it was going to okay but then it crashed to the floor. Looking up into her father's enraged eyes she knew what was coming next. As his large hand rose and then fell towards her Sara tried to brace herself for the blow, but her tiny six year old body was no match for the full grown man. _

_She heard the bone break with a sickening crack just a moment before the pain rippled through her shoulder. It hurt so much that her stomach rebelled and emptied itself on the floor and she fell into heap . Of course this only made her father even madder. _

'_You stupid worthless bitch, clean it up! NOW!'_

_His screams brought her mother out from her hiding place in the kitchen and although she wasn't as loud in her contempt, her words were just as harsh and stinging. _

'_Look at you, lying in your own vomit! You are a disgusting, little piece of garbage. Stop your bawling right now before I give you something to cry about. You're not fooling anyone you know, you're nothing but a soulless brat. Do as your father says and clean up your mess.'_

_Because of the agony every little movement caused her it had taken her nearly thirty minutes to pick up all the glass and clean the floor to her parent's satisfaction._

The second part of the dream, the one that had woken her, the one that made her stomach lurch and her heart freeze was worse than any other nightmare she had ever had.

_Sara pulled the girl out of her bed, twisting her arm viciously. She ignored the child's cry of pain and yanked her down the hall. The little blonde tried to pull away but she just tightened her grip and snarled at her. "You are about to get a lesson you're never going to forget. This is what happens to liars and cheaters.' _

_She had put up with a lot of things from the woman lying sprawled drunkenly across the bed, bruises and broken bones, screaming matches that lasted all night, trips to the hospital at three in the morning, being broke half the time because the blonde had blown all their money on booze or weed and even ruining her figure giving birth to her two kids. But to cheat on her with that man and then try to lie to her face after she had caught them? She wasn't going to get away with that. Catherine had to pay. _

_Sara tossed Lindsey into the corner and watched with satisfaction as the girl crumpled to the floor. She should've insisted that they rip that child out of her the second she found out she was pregnant, no matter how dangerous that 'doctor' said it was. Turning back to her wife the brunette promptly forgot about her daughter. _

_The knife was heavy in her hand but the weight of it was good, it felt like retribution. Sara drew back her hand and struck, plunging the blade deep into Catherine's chest. The blonde's eyes flew open in confusion that quickly turned into terror as she realized what was happening. Her first blow must had hit the woman's lung because the only sounds in the room were the gurgling sounds as she tried to draw breath, the muted thumps as steel met flesh and the wet squelching noise as the knife was yanked out. Rage coursed through her veins, driving her, until Cath stopped moving. _

_Sara grinned madly as she took in her handy work. Catherine's once golden shimmering hair was now matted and crimson with gore. Her perfect Cupid's bow lips were twisted into an eternal silent scream. Her body used to be perfect, vivacious, sexy, now it was a mutilated empty shell. That suited the brunette just fine, the blonde had gotten exactly what she deserved._

Even though she was now awake, Sara swore she could still feel long smooth handle of the knife. The phantom blood still coated her hands and smell of copper hung heavy in the air. She had to swallow hard over and over to keep the bile from rising in her throat. The urge to wash the slimy red stains off of her skin drove her forward but the pain of trying to get out of bed slammed into her like Mack truck. Beads of sweat broke out on her forehead and now her heart was hammering in her chest from more than just the nightmare.

When Catherine had sat beside her, held her hand and told her she was a good person it was easy to push the darkness away for a little while. But alone in the dim light of the nighttime ICU ward with her demons screaming in her mind an inky gloom descended on her. Was this twisted version of the night her mother had murdered her father to be her future? Michael Thomas wanted her to be like him. What if she already was?

'_Some people are just born bad.' _Warrick had once told her that in the midst of a case, could he be right? Thomas certainly thought so. _'It's already there inside you Sara. Your father beat his family and his violence lives within you. Your mother murdered him and her blood pumps through your veins. You are a born killer, designed by nature and nurtured by pain.' _When she had asked Grissom if he thought there was a murder gene, he had said _'I don't believe that genes are a predictor of violent behavior.' _It wasn't a definitive resounding NO. All it meant was that he had no proof one way or the other and he had just been trying to calm her fears.

Children of alcoholics were more susceptible to the disease than kids with non-drinking parents. Statistics showed that childhood abuse survivors were more likely to harm their children than those that had had a loving upbringing. There were hundreds of illnesses that were passed from parent to child. So why not murder? Was it so farfetched to think that violence could be inherited through genetics?

It was the biggest reason why she had never even considered having kids of her own, why she had never been comfortable around them. Because while she wanted to believe that she would never be capable of hurting a child, what right did she have to take that chance? Kids were fragile, delicate, breakable, not just physically but emotionally and mentally. Tell a child often enough that they are worthless, and they will begin to believe it. Tell a child that they deserved to be hurt and they will expect it. The thought of putting an innocent kid through even the tiniest fraction of the hell she'd lived in for the first thirteen years of her life was enough to unplug her biological clock and throw it out the window.

Sometimes she found herself wondering where her brother was, if he had a family of his own. Did he hit his wife? Where his children intimately familiar with emergency rooms? Did they flinch when he moved to fast in their direction or when he raised his voice? Did they know what a hug felt like? Were they told that they were precious gifts to be treasured or worthless burdens? Did they know gentleness or violence? She would probably never know.

Sara hadn't seen her brother since he had left home when she was ten. While their parents had doted on him for the most part, even his status as the favorite child, the one they wanted, the one they loved, it hadn't made him completely immune to their fists and bitter words. He had taken a fair amount of abuse but it paled in comparison to what had been heaped on her thin shoulders.

Scott had promised her over and over again that he would take her with him when he was old enough to move out but he had lied. He left one day while she was in school had never looked back, never tried to contact her, never tried to save her. He had obviously not wanted anything to do with her so she had let him go and never tried to find him.

"Hey kiddo that looks like an awful lot of heavy thinking for this time of night."

Sara looked up in surprise and straight into the smiling eyes of Captain Brass. She had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed him come in. "Huh? What are you doing here at… what time is it anyway?"

Jim grinned happily at the verbal response as he pulled a chair over to the brunette's bedside. She was talking, that was a good sign. "It's a little after three a.m. One of the perks of the badge is I get a little extra leeway with visiting hours. I would have come by during but I've had a long and busy day. There was a fifteen car pile up on I-15, with fatalities, then a double in North Vegas and then a drive by on D Street. Oh well maybe it's for the best anyway, Catherine said you weren't up to entertaining guests this afternoon."

"Yeah, Catherine." Sara's thoughts ricocheted between the conversation she'd had with the blonde and the nightmare she'd just had. Willows said she wanted to protect her, but who would protect Cath _from_ her? There had to be a way to get around that damn statement without getting the older woman into trouble, she just had to think.

Brass watched with concern as Sara's voice faded away and her eyes became unfocused. He was used to that thousand yard stare at a crime scene when she would get so deep into it that it was almost like she was there but here in her hospital room he didn't think it was such a good idea for her to be thinking that hard. "Sara, hey time to come back now."

Sara snapped back to the present as a large warm hand encased her own and squeezed gently. She looked up into his worried face for a moment but had to look away. She didn't know if she could look him in the eye while she told him the truth. She hadn't found the answer she was looking for but she couldn't wait for it to come to her. "Jim, there's something I need to tell you. Actually confess would be more accurate."

Chancing a glance up at the man beside her, Sara saw his brows raised in a silent question. She knew he wouldn't press her and if she wanted she could chicken out and he would let it drop, but she couldn't. Screwing her eyes closed she dove right in, starting with her parents and ending with her assault on Catherine. The brunette tried not to leave anything out even though it was incredibly painful to tell him. She needed him to understand what a danger she was, that it was for the best if she was locked up. "So I guess I need to turn myself in."

"Oh I forgot to tell you, the hospital sent your tox screen over to the lab."

Sara blinked at the apparent non sequitur. She had just laid her entire life out for the detective and he wanted to talk about tox results? He was acting like he hadn't heard a word she had said. "What?"

Brass knew he had thrown her with his comment but she had really sent him for a loop with her recounting of her childhood and what had happened with Thomas. He dealt with the victims of horrific crimes every day but this was different, Sara was different. This was a woman he cared deeply about and she had suffered more than he could ever have guessed. If he didn't handle this right he would lose her to herself and the demons of her past. "Yeah they got it late this afternoon and I saw it a about an hour ago, interesting reading. There was a lot of stuff that I can't pronounce and have never heard of but I've been assured that they're really unpleasant. Out of the stuff I did recognize I think the one that really stood out the most was the PCP."

"PCP? Angel Dust?" Sara felt a shudder ripple through her body. The drug was notoriously dangerous and unpredictable. It could cause the user to feel unconnected to their body, experience schizophrenia-like symptoms that could take up to two weeks to dissipate, violent behavior, fear, anxiety and panic. The effects usually depended on the situation and the user's state of mind. To give it to someone with a past like hers while she was being tortured was like playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun with a hair-trigger. It certainly explained some of her behavior, but did it excuse it?

Jim could see the fear in the brunette's ebony eyes. She knew even better than he did the effects that particularly nasty drug could have not just on the body but on the psyche of the user. When he had seen the report he had know immediately that she needed to know. Now that she had told him what happened while that bastard had held her and Catherine as well as her past he knew coming here in the middle of the night was the right decision. "There was no mention of any kind of assault by you in Catherine's statement. You know as well as I do that without any evidence, no complaining witness and forced drug use, there's no judge in the world that would sign an arrest warrant. Hell no prosecutor would even try to bring something like this to trail. You weren't responsible for what happened. In fact, I'm not convinced that anything actually _did_ happen. It was probably a hallucination."

No, it had definitely happened. Catherine had said that it wasn't her, that she wasn't herself, but even she admitted that Sara had touched her. The blonde had given her an out, Jim was giving her an out, the question was could she accept it? Was she strong enough to fight her past to keep it from becoming her future? Sara didn't think she was, not by herself. But could she break down her walls enough to allow someone to help her? She had been taking care of herself since she was old enough to realize that no one else was going to. It wouldn't be easy to put thirty years of self-reliance aside, but if she wanted to stop her nightmare from becoming her reality she had to try. "Will you help me?"

Jim's heart soared at the tentative plea and he grinned widely at her. "You betcha Peanut. You couldn't beat me off with a stick."

"Peanut?" Sara couldn't help the snort of laughter followed by one very fat tear. No one had ever called her something like that. It was affectionate, loving, the kind of thing a father would call a daughter.

"What? Too Father Knows Best? Maybe we should stick with kiddo, huh?" Brass gave her a wink, happy he could lighten the mood even a little. He had hope that between himself and Willows they could get the brunette through this. The detective was certain that he could count on the blonde now that he knew how far she had already gone to protect Sara.

"So we're okay?" Sara knew it was a pretty stupid question but she couldn't stop herself from asking. Jim had already shown her that he had her back but the last few years had sharpened her insecure nature to a razors edge.

"Yeah we're good, as long as long as you're over this notion of turning yourself in for something you didn't do." He tried to give her a stern look but the smile wouldn't leave his face. Brass knew there would be setbacks, but for the moment they were making progress.

Sara looked into his caring eyes and felt any resolve she had left slip away. With both Brass and Catherine proclaiming her inculpably and vehemently against letting her do what she thought she had to, fighting was pretty much pointless. Knowing the two of them the brunette was sure that if she tried to go around them they would find a way to stop her. "I won't turn myself in."

"Good, now that that's settled there's just one more thing I need to tell you before I let you get back to sleep. You're parents didn't deserve to have a kid like you. Personally I think you must have gotten switched at birth because there's no way you could come from a couple of idiots like them." Jim knew he had ignored his parental duties, spending his time either on the job or in a local pub drinking but he had never raised a hand to Ellie, he had certainly never abused her. Sara's parents were lucky they were either dead or in jail because after hearing what they had done to her he wanted to kill them himself.

"Thank you." Sara gave the hand that had never let go of hers a squeeze. She hoped the gesture conveyed more than her inadequate words could.

"No need to thank me, I just call 'em like I see 'em. You know you've got a lot of people that care about you, all you have to do is let them. And I meant what I said yesterday, I love ya like you're my own, so just keep that in mind." Jim stood and started for the door, happy with the outcome this little heart-to-heart.

"I'll try to remember that, Dad." The smile on his face was all she needed to see to know that she had made the right decision to let him in. Jim Brass was a good man and if he was willing to take a chance on her she needed to be willing to do the same. As he left the night seemed a little brighter than it had before. Maybe there was hope for her with someone like him on her side. Between him and Catherine maybe, just maybe, there was still hope for her.

TBC


	19. Part 19

A/N: Sorry this has taken so long. I blame Harry Potter and the oppressive heat wave we've had. The heat indexes have been in the triple digits for almost two weeks and one day I think it got up to 115. It just sucks all the creativity right out of the muse. Many thanks to all my reviewers, I hope to get the next part out sooner, but I make no promises. Thanks for sticking with me through this thing and being so supportive. You guys kick ass!

Part 19

Catherine sighed as she pulled into her neighborhood. She should have just enough time to shower and dress before heading over to see Sara. After another restless night the blonde had overslept and then had to fight Lindsey about going to school. While she was tempted to allow the girl to stay home she really didn't want her to miss anymore classes than she already had. In the end Willows had had to promise to be waiting out front when the bell rang and then take her daughter with her to the hospital just to get the child to eat breakfast.

Whipping into her driveway Cath narrowly missed hitting an all too familiar Denali parked in her usual spot. She cursed under her breath at the sight of the slumped figure sitting on the steps leading to her front door. This was the last thing she expected, or wanted, to have to deal with this morning. Damn it this was going to make her late.

Getting out of her car she paused a moment to really take look at the man. He didn't look good. His skin was sallow and hanging loosely from his normally sturdy frame. Worry lines were etched so deeply into his face that it looked like it might shatter at any moment. It was as if he had aged twenty years in twenty-four hours. The fact that he was still in the same rumpled clothing he'd had on the morning before told Catherine that he hadn't gone home. Which meant that he probably hadn't slept or eaten anything either. Grissom was falling apart and whether or not she was ready, whether she had the time or not, the blonde was going to have to cope with him.

"Come inside Gil." Catherine said as she walked past him. Not waiting to see if he was following her or not she entered the house she went straight to the kitchen and started a fresh pot of coffee. It had already started to fill the carafe by the time she heard the door close, signaling his entrance. The blonde took a few deep breaths to settle the anger that still wanted to bubble up from the pit of her stomach at the entomologist's selfish behavior. She had to remind herself that he was still her friend even though he had acted like a first class jackass.

"I screwed up, didn't I Cath?" Gil had spent his entire shift being glared at by the guys. They had only spoken to him when absolutely necessary and even then it was in angry clipped voices. That combined with the impassioned dressing down he had received yesterday from Catherine had made him stop and really consider his actions. He had tried to give Sara what she had always wanted from him, what he had wanted to give to her, his love. Unfortunately his timing had likely caused her more pain and just the thought of hurting the woman he loved was enough for him to swallow his pride and go to the blonde for help.

He spoke so softly that Willows thought at first that she had imagined it until she turned around as saw his forlorn eyes looking beseechingly at her. Did he want her to agree or disagree with him? Which ever it was, he was going to get the truth. "Yeah you did. You want to tell me why?"

He didn't, not really. Grissom was an intensely private person. He had known Catherine for more than ten years and she had barely scratched the surface. Unfortunately she was the only one that could, and maybe would, help him. "Most of the time I can push my feelings aside so that they don't interfere with the job. I know that everyone thinks that I don't have emotions, but I do. I just bury them so deep most people can't see them. Every now then though, they claw their way to the surface. When that happens I have a hard time controlling them."

"And you've been hiding your feelings for Sara for a long time. So when you realized she might die, you lost it." Catherine had known Gil for a long time and she could only remember seeing him lose control a handful of times. It made sense that under those extreme circumstances he wouldn't be able to deal with it.

"I'd pushed those feelings so far down, for so long, that sometimes I was able to convince myself that they didn't even exist. Now the vault I kept them secured away in has been blown wide open and I don't know what to do. I don't want to lock them up again but I don't know if I can handle them either." It was hard for him to admit a weakness, even to her. Grissom desperately wanted her to tell him what to do though, because he had no clue.

"I suggest that you figure it out, quickly. I told you before Gil that this was about Sara and what she needs right now, not you. I understand that this is hard for you but just think about how hard it is for her. Over the course of your career you've seen hundreds of rape and abuse survivors, you know the psychological trauma they go through. The fear, the nightmares, the hyper-awareness of their surroundings, the aversion to being touched, it can take years for some people to get back to some semblance of the person they were before. Sara doesn't need you to come charging in on your white horse to sweep her off her feet, she needs you to give her the time and space to deal with this on her own terms. If you really want to help her, just be her friend. If you push her she's just going to run from you as far and as fast as she can." Catherine hated the lost little boy look in his eyes. This was supposed to be the man that had all the answers but here she was explaining the affects of assault on a victim like he was a fresh-faced cadet. It just didn't seem right. She could only hope for Sara's sake, and his, that he pulled himself together soon.

Grissom nodded his head; where human interaction was concerned he stumbled around in the dark while she walked confidently in the light. That was why he had come to her, even though he knew she was angry with him, Catherine would tell him what to do. "Do you think I can fix this? I don't want to lose her Cath."

"I can't tell you that. You'll just have to wait and see. She'll let you know if and when she's ready. Look you're exhausted and I need to get to the hospital. Go home, get some sleep and we'll talk more later." Catherine told him as she started for the front door with the intention of ushering him out. She felt for the guy but Sara was her main concern at the moment. Her shower would have to wait until after visiting hours now and the blonde was glad that she had taken one before she had went to bed.

"What? You're going to see Sara? She's letting us back in?" Gil jumped up from his seat, everything he and Catherine had just discussed forgotten in the rush of emotions the prospect of seeing the brunette sent through him. He was already at the door with his hand on the knob when a sharp voice yanked him out of his euphoric haze.

"Stop right there." Catherine mentally cursed her slip. She should've told him she was going to go to bed herself and not mentioned the hospital. Grissom was a brilliant man, intellectually, but he was in uncharted territory trying to cope with feelings that were overwhelming him. "Yes, Sara is letting me and guys visit her, but she asked that you not come."

The entomologist's shoulders slumped in defeat. Up until that very moment he had still been able to fool himself into thinking that he hadn't caused too much damage to his relationship with Sara. But if she didn't even want him near her, then it was worse than he had imagined. He had done the one thing he had never wanted to do again, he had hurt the woman he loved. "Will you tell her I'm sorry, and that when she's ready I'll be there?"

Catherine barely got out a yes before her friend was out the door. She watched his unsteady gait as he shuffled to his truck and thought he probably shouldn't be driving in his condition. He completely ignored her though when she called out for him to come back. With a sigh the blonde closed her front door before sprinting to her bedroom. Gil was an adult and she was late.

Xxx

Nick looked down at the sleeping woman and unconsciously rubbed his neck as he took in the savage bruising around Sara's throat. He had of course seen the marks the morning before but he had been so relieved just to know the brunette was alive that he hadn't really paid as much attention to them as he should have. He could scarcely imagine what his friend had must have gone through, what she must have felt and thought while her body was being brutalized.

Though Stokes didn't know what the brunette had experienced at the hands of Michael Thomas his own encounter with Nigel Crane gave him a little insight into what Sara would go through now. Nightmares, paranoia, depression and mind numbing fear would plague her long after the physical wounds healed. There were still some days that he couldn't go to sleep until he had checked every inch of his house, especially the attic. In some ways dealing with the aftermath of an attack was harder than surviving the attack itself. He was determined to make it easier for the brunette than it had been for him.

Running his fingers over one unblemished cheek, Nick wondered why the bastard had left her face untouched. It was usually the first thing guys like him went for, getting some sense of power from it. Thomas though was something of an enigma to him. The man escapes from prison and instead of running to Mexico or something he heads straight for Vegas. He stalks Sara and kills five women just to say hello, when he could have taken her at anytime. Instead he waits until she's under police protection so that he has to kill two officers to get to her. On top of that he kidnaps Catherine and barely lays a finger on her while beating the hell out of the younger woman. It didn't make any sense to him. There had to be more to the story but he knew he would probably never know, the brunette had always been extremely protective of her privacy and he doubted that anything less than a Supreme Court inquisition could drag it out of her.

For a split second Sara thought she was back in that little corner of hell Thomas had carved out for her as she woke to the feeling of a hand caressing her cheek. Her eyes snapped open and she instinctively jerked her head away from the contact. At first all she could see were cold and desolate gray walls as she waited in fear for the blows to begin, Michael didn't like it when she tried to keep him from touching her. Then a face swam into focus, not the rage twisted visage she expected, but the worried features of a man she knew to be a gentle soul. She was safe, she was in the hospital and her tormentor was dead.

Nick knew something was wrong the second Sara flinched away from him. He tried to catch her eyes but her dark umber orbs were darting around the room to quickly. When her gaze finally settled on him the terror he saw there sent guilt burning through him. "Hey Sara, easy, it's just me. I'm sorry I scared you."

"It's okay Nick, not your fault. I'm sorry I freaked out on you." Sara was still trying to get her wildly racing heart under control but she couldn't let the Texan blame himself. There was no way he could have known that the simple touch would ignite a firestorm of fear in her, no way of knowing how often Thomas had caressed her face the same way.

"No it's not all right Sara. I know better than that damn it. I don't know how many days I woke up convinced Nigel was in the house and couldn't rest until I'd check every inch of the place. Touching you like that while you were asleep was just stupid!" Stokes was kicking himself, the last thing Sara needed right now was unnecessary stress. If he had stopped to think for a second before he acted he wouldn't have scared the shit out of her. He of all people knew the kind of havoc an unwanted touch could wreak on a person's soul.

As Nick hung his head and refused to look at her, Sara silently cursed her unconscious reaction. She hated to see him beating himself up. She never could stand to see anyone suffer but especially not the kindhearted Texan. Out of all the CSI's he was the most like her, the most empathetic to the victims. Certain cases affected him deeply and sometimes he got too emotionally involved. There were times when the brunette had considered talking to him about it but she always chickened out. She was afraid if she said something it might bring up questions about her own behavior that she didn't want to answer.

Even though it pulled the stitches in her shoulder a little and sent a spike of pain through her cracked ribs, Sara was just able to brush her fingers over his close-cropped hair to get his attention. "Please don't blame yourself Nicky. I've woken up that way a couple of times before and it probably would've happened again whether you were here or not."

Stokes looked deep into the brunette's pleading eyes and gave in, though he continued to berate himself for his lack of thought silently, so as not to upset her. "So you ah, you're looking better. How do you feel?"

Sara snorted and couldn't help the small grin that tugged at her lips at his lame attempt to put her at ease. "Has anyone ever told you you're a horrible liar?"

"I'll have you know I'm an excellent liar." Nick retorted with a rather large grin on his face. The appearance of the patented Sidle Smirk warmed his heart. Now if could just get her to give him one of her famous full blown gap-toothed smiles it would make his day, and he thought he might just know how to do that. "Caught an interesting case last night, wanna hear about it?"

"Nick you are the world's biggest Boy Scout, you couldn't tell a convincing lie to save your life. And when have you ever known me to not want to talk about work?" Sara found herself enjoying the easy banter. It was almost like it used to be, before the weight of one to many gut-wrenching cases had jaded her, before the emotional yo-yoing with Grissom had sucked the hope out of her, before Ecklie had split the team up.

"Ah but see that's the thing with good lies, you never know when you've heard one." Nick laughed as her face contorted with the effort to not smile. "Anyway last night Mr. Randal Mackey went to open up his store, an adult "bookstore", at seven P.M. He unlocks the door, goes inside and turns on the lights to find that the place has been ransacked. So he of course calls the police. I process the scene and there are fingerprints and biologicals galore but I can't find point of entry. There's no sign of force or tampering on either the front or back doors and I'm beginning to think the guy staged it to collect the insurance or it was an inside job, so I grab the surveillance tapes on the way out and head back to the lab. I was out on another case by the time Archie got around to looking at the tapes and I didn't get back until almost midnight."

As Nick paused in his narration Sara hoped that he was about to get the good part because a case of insurance fraud just really didn't seem that interesting to her. Of course anything was better than their previous topic of conversation, so she would take it.

"So around one, as I'm walking by the A/V lab, Archie grabs me and shows me what he found. Clear as day you can see the thief shimmying down a rope from the air duct in the ceiling, running around throwing stuff into a bag and then climbing back up. This guy had somehow found an old exhaust duct from when the place used to be a restaurant and used it to get in. While I'm dusting for prints I hear this weird noise and at first I couldn't figure out where it's coming from. I hear it again, only this time it's louder and I can tell it's a moan coming from inside the duct. Turns out the guy's rope broke on his way up and he got lodged against his sack of loot. By the time we got him out of there he had been trapped for more than twelve hours and let me tell you he was ripe. When I asked him what he had planned on doing with the thirty videos and the other things he took, the dude actually blushed when he told me it was all for personal use. He had been too embarrassed to buy them." Nick finished his story with a wide grin at the brunette's slack-jawed disbelief.

Sara was floored. She could actually still be surprised by the level of stupidity people could sink to. "He was embarrassed? Has this guy been living in a cave all his life? He never heard of mail-order or the internet?"

"Just think how humiliated he's going to be when he has to appear in front of a judge?" Nick couldn't hold back any longer and started laughing at the memory of the hapless criminal's stammering reasoning for his crime and the image of what he might look like in court.

The Texan's laughter was contagious and Sara found she was powerless to stop herself from joining in. It was cathartic, for the first time in days she felt something other than pain, fear, remorse, guilt or terror. For the first time since she had let Willows talk her into letting the guys visit, the brunette felt good about it. With Catherine and Jim both insisting that she hadn't been responsible for what happened, with the knowledge that she had been given a dangerous mind altering drug, she was beginning to think that maybe she wasn't the monster she had previously believed herself to be. Of course she was still a long way from okay, but she thought that maybe she had taken a step in that direction.

Nick grinned happily as Sara laughed. It was amazing to see the way it completely transformed her face. There were still a few shadows lurking behind her expressive eyes but they didn't seem as dark as they had been before. He took a quick look at his watch knowing that his allotted time had to be about up and there were other people waiting to see the brunette. He hated to go but at least he was leaving on a better note than when he got there. "Warrick and Greg are still out in the waiting room and if I stay much longer one of them is likely to get someone to come throw me out. You need anything before I go?"

"You wouldn't happen to have a toothbrush or a comb would you?" Sara answered after a moments thought. She was long past feeling grungy and had entered into the realm of filthy. Her teeth felt like they were wearing a fur coat and she was sure there was a bird nesting in her hair. What she really wanted was a shower but she knew it would be a while yet before she was allowed that.

"No but I'll run down to the gift shop and see what they have. I'll give them to someone to smuggle in for you." Nick stood and gave her a careful hug. He thought about teasing her a little but didn't want to ruin the mood.

Sara watched her 'brother' leave and realized that she had found something she had been searching for her entire life, a family that wanted her.

TBC


	20. Part 20

A/N: I don't know why but I find Warrick hard to write, but I gave it a shot. Greg is much easier so his part is a bit longer. Temps this week have been a few degrees lower but not by much. It doesn't help when you have to constantly go out into the shop to baby sit a bunch of whinyassed techs. 'Where are my parts? Why can't you get them? What's taking so long?' They all think I'm supposed to stop what I'm doing and help them right that second, as if they are the only ones that exists. Sorry for the rant, don't mind me, just hating my job. Thanks for the reviews, I hope you enjoy this part. Later, Kimmi

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Part 20

"Hey girl, how're you feeling?"

Warrick's soft voice and softer green eyes pulled Sara out of her musings. "Kind of numb, I just got another shot of pain meds. You look tired." The nurse had come in only seconds after Nick had left, like she had been hovering just outside the door. It had taken a little convincing but just that morning she had talked her doctor into lowering the dose. She hated the fact that they knocked her out, because when she was in their grip she couldn't pull herself out of her nightmares.

"Yeah well with both shifts shorthanded we're all working on Sidle time." Brown was exhausted. The past week had been hell on all of them and the mental weariness was just as debilitating as the physical.

"Nick told me about his embarrassed porno thief. What about you, any interesting cases?" Sara sucked at small talk and work was a safe topic.

"Naw just run of the mill cases." Warrick wished he had something he could share with her but his night had brought nothing but death and depravity and she didn't need to here about that.

As they fell into a stilted silence Sara understood from the look in his eyes what the man wasn't saying. The things he had investigated last night were the kind of cases she hated, the kind of case she had become.

"There's this new Jazz club that opened a few weeks ago, when you're feeling better maybe we can go check it out." Brown had wracked his brain for a something that wouldn't upset her and music was the first thing that came to mind. When Sara had first come to Vegas he had caught her singing a few times when she thought no one was around or when she got so lost in what she was doing the rest of the world just faded away.

"I'd like that." Sara smiled as much from the offer as from a memory from one of their cases. They had been investigating the death of a singer's wife and while searching the home Warrick had played a few notes on the piano. It hadn't been much but she could tell that he had talent. He had also seemed embarrassed by it so she had never said anything about it.

With the discovery of a mutually enjoyable and neutral topic they discussed favorite bands and genres until it was time for him to go.

Less than two minutes later Sara was watching the door as Greg came walking toward her room. Just before he got to the door he suddenly disappeared and the brunette thought at first that he had slipped and fell, until he slid around the door frame low to the ground. As the young CSI's eyes darted furtively around the room and back to the hall she could hear that he was humming the theme to Mission Impossible.

As Greg formed his fingers into the shape of a gun and rushed into the room, practically diving behind one of the large pieces of medical equipment, Sara had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing at his antics. When he rolled across the floor though, coming to rest on one knee, she lost the battle. "What are you doing?"

Sanders smiled to himself, his plan was working perfectly. He stood and walked toward the bed as if he hadn't just entered the room like a pack of ninjas could be hiding behind every piece of machinery and in every shadow. He wasn't finished yet though, as he reached the brunette he turned his back on her and spoke softly out the side of his mouth. "The long haired man has a new pair of shoes."

"Greg, have you been using that caffeinated water to brew your coffee again?" There was a reason the spiky haired goofball was one of Sara's favorite people in the lab. The only time he couldn't make her smile was when she was in the grip of her darkest moods.

"I'm sorry the correct response was 'The duck is wearing purple pants.'. I guess I'll just have to destroy this contraband." Greg took the travel sized toothbrush, toothpaste and hairbrush out from under his shirt and waved them in front of the brunette's face.

"Nooo, gimme!" Just the thought of getting the taste of what she was sure was a dead weasel out of her mouth was enough to almost get Sara to beg, almost.

Greg took several long moments to make it appear as though he was seriously considering it before shaking his head. "These are very valuable items, I can't just give them away. I'm going to need something in return for risking life and limb to get them to you."

"Hand 'em over Secret Agent Double O Geek or you will regret it." Sara smiled at the adorable ex-lab rat to show him that she was only playing.

"Oh you wound me Milady. I guess I have no choice." Greg opened the packages and handed the contents to her with an overly dramatic flair.

"Thank you Greg." It was more than a little awkward, with a cast on one arm and a bullet hole in the other, but she managed to get some paste on the brush. "Can you hand me a cup of water please?"

Sanders grinned at the brunette's stubborn nature. She was gripping the tooth brush with three fingers of her splinted arm and squeezing the tube with the one weakened by her gunshot wound. Sara was the most fiercely independent person he had ever met. The second she asked for water he hurried to retrieve it happy to be of some assistance.

Sara dipped the toothbrush into the cup before bringing it to her mouth. It was a slow and uncomfortable process but she managed to finally to get the thick shag carpet off her teeth and it made her feel a hundred percent better, trying to get the tangles out of hair however was a different story altogether. The frustration and pain nearly brought her to tears before the brush was taken away from her.

Greg watched as long as he could as the brunette tried first with one hand and then the other to brush out her hair. Unlike the toothbrush she couldn't seem to get a strong enough grip with her splinted hand to pull it through the snarled knots. When she tried to use the other arm he could see how much it hurt her to lift it. He knew he was risking pulling back a bloody stump but he just couldn't stand to see her suffering for something so trivial. Putting his hand over Sara's to still her he took the brush and began the detangling process as gently as he could.

Sara fought back tears as Greg tenderly took care of her without a word. It was so different from the last time someone had done this to her. After coming home from a trip to the beach she had gone to her room to read without a second thought to her appearance. It wasn't until she had come downstairs to fix herself something for dinner that her mother had spotted the windblown tangles.

The older Sidle woman had already been drinking for several hours by that time and the second Sara heard the slurred demand for her to get the brush she knew she was in for pain. She had sat as quietly as she could as her mom had pulled, yanked and tore the knots out of her hair sometimes taking bits of scalp with them. Laura's sharp voice had only added to the tears the pain had brought to her eyes, 'filthy little brat, seven years old and you can't even keep your hair combed'. After that day she had made certain that her hair was brushed before her mom saw her.

As youngest CSI finished working out the last tangle and began long strokes the length of her brunette locks Sara allowed herself to relax and enjoy it. She couldn't quite believe that she was letting Greg Sanders of all people brush her hair but she trusted him and that made a huge difference. Plus she had to admit he was good at it.

When he finally let his hand fall away, the strange intimacy of the moment began to crowd in on her and Sara felt a need to distance herself from it. "Maybe tomorrow you can paint my toenails."

Greg had to bite his tongue to keep the comment his mind dredged up from the gutter about preferring to give her a sponge bath from spilling out. Even he knew that would be inappropriate under the circumstances. He also understood her need to make light of what had he had done, she wasn't blowing him off or ungrateful she just didn't like people to think of her as weak or vulnerable. "I could borrow some stuff from Cath and we could do a whole makeover."

"You actually know _how_ to give someone a makeover?" Sara didn't know if she should be impressed or disturbed.

"Hey I've got two sisters, one older and one younger than me. I got used as a guinea pig a lot." Sanders' defense of his manhood was slightly tarnished by the rather large smile spreading across his face.

"Well I think we should wait until after I get out of the hospital, or at least until they let me take a shower first and then we'll discuss it." Sara was pretty certain that a snowball had a better chance in hell than her young friend had of painting up her face. She was sure that she would either come out of it looking like a clown or a two dollar hooker.

"It's a date." Greg smirked at her as he rose to leave. "I'll see you this afternoon."

Sara rolled her eyes at his back as he walked to the door. "See you later. And Greg, thanks, for everything."

Xxx

Catherine cursed under her breath as she rushed through the waiting room towards the nurse's station. She was incredibly late and could only hope that Sara didn't think that she had abandoned her. She was so focused on her destination that she didn't see the quirky former DNA tech until she nearly plowed over him. She was actually glad to see him, if he was just leaving then that meant that the brunette hadn't been alone.

"Sorry about that Greg. How's she doing?" Willows couldn't help but notice the huge grin on the young man's face.

"Huh? Oh no problem Cath. She's doing good, better, I think. What about you?" Sanders tried to pull his mind away from the brunette down the hall and concentrate on the blonde in front of him. He was just so thrilled that Sara had let him help her and had had a smile on her beautiful face almost the entire visit. He knew perfectly well that even though he still harbored a bit of a crush on her she would never feel the same way about him, but he would gladly take her friendship and any tiny bone she might throw his way.

Catherine unconsciously ran a hand through her hair, lightly grazing over the stitches on the back of her head. She had forgone the bandage, hating the way it drew attention, if someone was going to stare at her she would rather it be for her looks. There was also the fact that Sara had looked incredibly guilty when she saw it the day before. "I'm good thanks. What's got that smile plastered on your face?"

"Oh well, umm nothing. Listen I've got to go catch a few Z's, I'll see you this afternoon." His face was on fire from acute embarrassment. It wasn't that Greg had anything to hide, it was just he didn't think Sara would appreciate him telling anyone. If she wanted Catherine to know, she would tell her.

Cath watched the red faced, Cheshire cat grinning, man hurry away before signing her name on the visitors log sheet and making her way to Sara's room. She was so confused by his strange behavior that she forgot to be mad at him for avoiding her question.

"So what did you do to Greg?" Catherine inquired as she bent over and brushed her lips against the brunette's forehead.

"I didn't do anything to him. Why?" Sara was again surprised by the blonde's affectionate gesture but she tried not to let it show as she answered the woman's question. She couldn't help but wonder if Catherine's mothering nature would still show itself to her once she was out of the hospital. The brunette desperately hoped so, now that she had seen that side of her co-worker she didn't want to go back to the way things were.

"He had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face that I've ever seen and was blushing harder than a nun in a strip joint." Catherine arched one perfectly shaped eyebrow as a deep crimson flush, bright enough to rival the one Sanders had been sporting, crawled up the brunette's cheeks. Now she knew something was up.

"I didn't actually do anything to him, it was…well it was more like…ah crap…it was what he did to me." Sara didn't know why she was having such a hard time getting it out of her mouth, it hadn't been anything major, just one friend brushing another's hair. Maybe it was because he had been so incredibly sweet about it, not even flirting with her. Maybe it was just the fact that it was _Greg_, but it was probably because she had needed help at all.

As the younger woman stammered Catherine felt her blood pressure rising. A thousand different scenarios were flashing like lightning through her mind and the blonde was seriously considering running after the spiky-haired kid and strangling him. "What exactly did he do?"

Sara blinked rapidly at the older woman's clinched jaw and the cold fire raging in her icy blue eyes. Uh oh, she knew what that look meant. No matter how embarrassed she was, the brunette was going to have to tell Catherine if she wanted to save Greggo's neck. "I let him brush my hair for me."

Her hair? He brushed her hair? Cath couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled up. She was relieved Sara hadn't been hurt yet again but at the same time she was chagrined that her new protective streak for the brunette would have her ready to chase down Greg and do him great bodily harm. "We were about to be short a CSI you know?"

"Yeah I figured, what with the smoke coming out of your ears and all." Sara grinned at the other woman as she gently teased her. She had seen that momma bear side of the blonde come out a few times before but it had never been directed at her before. The same look had been in Catherine's eyes the night they had interview Eddie's girlfriend after he was murdered and the pink-haired bitch had made the mistake of calling Lindsey a brat in earshot of her mother.

"I have to say I'm a little surprised. I know you're not a touchy feely kind of person and shy away from …"

"That's not true." Sara interrupted the blonde before she could finish. Out of all the misconceptions about her around the lab that one refused to die. "I crave human contact just as much as the next person."

"Sara we've all seen you back away from people and even flinch and tense up when they touch you. I completely understand why now, after everything you've been through in you life it's a natural reaction." It was one of the things about the brunette that had put her off in the beginning. The few times she had tried to put a hand on Sara's shoulder or back the younger woman had become so stiff that the blonde was convinced she would snap in two if she applied the least bit of pressure. Cath was a very tactile person and for someone to reject her that way bruised her ego and in turn made her distance herself even further from Sara.

"When I don't know someone, yes I admit I do that, I can't help it. It takes me a long time to be able to trust someone enough to comfortably allow them that close. Of course by the time I am, they've usually given up." For Sara it was something of a curse. She wanted to let close to people but her fear kept them at arms distance until they were convinced she hated physical contact.

Willows lowered her head in shame, she had done exactly that. "I'm so sorry. I should have realized sooner, all the signs were there but I chose to ignore them."

"Cath please don't apologize, I didn't exactly make it easy. I was so desperate to prove that I deserved to be there, personally handpicked by Grissom, I let it go to my head. Combined with all my other issues it made me hard to get along with. So let's just forget about it, please?" Sara gave a self-depreciating laugh. During her first year in Vegas she really had done everything she could to keep people at arms length while she got to know them. It was a defense mechanism to keep herself safe until she could trust them. The guys had managed to break through slowly and become her friends but she and the blonde had never gotten past casual acquaintances.

Catherine wasn't ready to let it go. Last week she wouldn't have thought twice about it but now she wanted to clear the air. "Sara you are one of the best investigators I've ever worked with, Grissom included and we were lucky to get you. You being difficult to get along with doesn't excuse some of the things I said to you. The thought that my words reminded you of your abusive mother, that they hurt you, makes me sick."

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me. The teachers used to tell us that when one kid started making fun of another. I wonder if they know how full of shit it is. Bruises fade, cuts heal and bones mend, but words can stay with you a lifetime. Yes, the stuff my mother said to me were horrible things no child should hear coming from a parent, or anyone else for that matter. Yes, you said some nasty things to me but believe me they don't even _begin_ to compare. I'm not denying that they hurt at the time but I got over them. I'm not innocent either. I've said more than a few out of line things to you. Now can we please just let it go?" Sara knew she wasn't being completely honest but Catherine didn't need to know that in her darker moments she dredged up the blonde's words to torment herself with and give her feelings of worthlessness credence. She wanted to put their past behind them and they couldn't do that if the older woman was constantly beating herself up about it.

Willows wasn't sure if she should believe Sara or not but she didn't want to upset her and it was clear that this conversation was distressing her. She'd have to drop it for now, but she wasn't about to forget it. "Ok, I have something I need to talk to you about anyway. When you're released I want you to come and stay with Lindsey and me during your recovery."

Sara couldn't explain the shot icy of fear that coursed through her at the request. The thought of being in the same house as the blonde, night and day, was sending her heart into overdrive. Suddenly she couldn't breath, couldn't see, couldn't move. It was as if her entire body had suddenly locked up.

With the brunette's monitors going crazy in the background Cath tried to sooth Sara as she waved off the nurse that came running to see what was wrong. "Sweetheart calm down, you're having a panic attack. Take deep breaths, in, out." The second she had asked her to recuperate at their house, the younger woman had gone pale and freaked out. She certainly hadn't expected that reaction, flat out stubborn refusal yes, terror no.

The hand carding through her hair, nails scratching gently against her scalp, slowly helped Sara to get her body back under control. As the darkness lifted she looked up into worried blue eyes and felt her face flush hotly in embarrassment. Why the hell did she lose it like that over one little question? What was it about staying with the blonde that scared the hell out of her?

"You okay?" Catherine asked as Sara relaxed. When the brunette nodded she gestured to the nurse that it was okay for her to leave before she turned her attention back to the younger woman. "Wanna talk about it?"

"I'm not sure what happened." That was the truth. Sara had just reacted, but she still wasn't completely sure why. All she knew was that the idea had struck a cord of fear deep within her.

"Is it because you still feel responsible for what happened? Because we discussed that and I thought you agreed with me that it wasn't you and you can't be held accountable for anything?" Catherine had known that it would take more than one conversation to get the brunette past her feelings of culpability but she thought that they had at least made a dent in them.

"I know that, I do. Jim came to see me last night and told me bout the tox results. I know what happens to someone on PCP. This is something different." As far as Sidle was concerned it was the truth. She had begun to let go of some of her guilt. What had triggered this little episode was not the same.

"Does it maybe have something to do with what Michael Thomas said, about your feelings, for me?" Cath had been too scared at the time to think much about it when their captor had said it but now that death wasn't staring her in the face she could. It was the only other thing she could think of that might account for Sara's extreme reaction.

There it was, the giant pink and purple polka dotted elephant that she had hoped had been a figment of her drug and pain addled mind. Of course she couldn't get that lucky. And now that Catherine had brought it up she couldn't avoid it either. Well, after everything she had been through, the blonde deserved as honest an answer as she could give her. "I had a… a small…crush on you… for a while. I guess he made me tell him about it, or figured it out on his own, and tried to use it to get me to do what he wanted. But I don't think it's that either."

Catherine shook her head as the younger woman looked away from her. That wasn't the impression she had gotten from Thomas. "Had? As in you don't anymore?"

Sara was convinced that she was going to end up with third degree burns on her face from blushing so hard for so long. This was not something she had _ever_ planned on discussing with Catherine. "You were still married when I came onboard, had a daughter, and after the divorce a boyfriend. You made it pretty clear that while we might work well together, when our personalities weren't clashing, we were never going to be friends much less anything else. So even though I still found you attractive I got over the crush part, unlike my stupid Grissom obsession."

Catherine wasn't sure why but she didn't like the sound of Sara just 'getting over' her. It wasn't that she wanted the brunette to still be carrying a torch for her, she'd been hurt more than enough by one unrequited love but she couldn't help feel a little cheated. Gil had known Sara had feelings for him, had the chance to accept it but instead had thrown it away time and time again, she had been denied the opportunity to even consider it.

In a way she had been worse than him, she had been completely blinded by her preconceived notions and territoriality and had never even known the brunette had more than friendly feelings for her until a madman used it against the young woman in an attempt to corrupt her. Now Grissom was going to get yet another chance and for some reason she felt a little bitter about that. She might not have wanted a romantic relationship with Sara but he didn't deserve one after everything he had put her through. "Well it looks like your obsession is going to pay off. He told me what he said to you during his visit."

"Yeah, great. I finally understand that what I thought was love was really an over-inflated case of hero worship mixed in with some other stuff and he decides that I'm finally worth the risk. I don't want to hurt him, but I can't go back to being like I was before. It was killing me." Now that they were no longer on the subject of her feelings for the older woman Sara felt the heat in her cheeks recede a bit and she could almost look Catherine in the eye.

"Well after my talk with Gil this morning you have some time to figure out what, if anything, you want to do. He said he would back off and wait until you were ready. The balls in your court now Sara, you have to be the one to decide what's right for you. But we're kind of getting away from the reason for your panic attack. If it's not what happened in that room and it's not your past feelings for me, then why the freak out?" Catherine needed to understand so she could help Sara get over whatever it was that was scaring her. If she could get her through it then the brunette might agree to stay with her and then the blonde could fulfill the need she felt to protect and take care of the younger woman.

"I don't know Cath, I wish I did. It's like there's something in the back of my mind trying to get out but there's a wall that's keeping me from seeing it." Sara sighed in frustration. She wasn't really good at the whole introspective thing, what she was good at was dwelling on her failure, her faults. She could tear herself down so easily but she had the hardest time building herself back up.

Catherine could see Sara was getting agitated and reached out run her fingers through the prone woman's chestnut locks. "Don't try to force it, you won't be getting out of here for a while so we have time to figure it out. Just promise me you'll think about staying at my place?"

"I'll think about it." It was all she could give the blonde until she could understand why she had reacted the way she did. Sara knew it was something important, something that she needed to remember that could potentially affect them both. She just didn't have the first clue as to what it might be.

TBC


	21. Part 21

A/N: I'm sorry this chapter has taken so long. I've been plagued with writer's block. I don't know if I'm really happy with this but I just need to get it out of the way and move on. I hope its suckage isn't to great as to put anyone off. Thank you to my reviewers for staying with me, if it wasn't for you I might have given up even though there is so much more to this story that I want to tell.

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Part 21

"Linds slow down, she's not going anywhere." Catherine shook her head as her daughter bolted from the car. The girl had been beside herself from the moment she had picked her up from school with the news Sara had been moved to a regular room and she could now visit. Her daughter had insisted that they go get flowers and a get well card now that the brunette was allowed to have them. So almost two hours and sixty-seven dollars after she had left the hospital the blonde was walking back through the front doors. If she hadn't already promised Lindsey this visit she would have dropped her daughter off at her aunt's house.

The moment Cath had told the brunette the younger Willows would be accompanying her Sara had gotten eerily quite and her gaze had blanked. Several long moments later, her voice wavering, she asked if that was such a good idea, if it wouldn't frighten Linds seeing her looking like a train wreck. The blonde had been quick to reassure her that she had told the girl what to expect and that she really wanted to come. The injured woman had nodded her accent but she had still looked apprehensive, maybe even a little scared.

Xxx

Sara hated hospitals, always had. They were filled with nothing but pain and lies. She had spent too much time in them as a child, suffering silently as the doctors failed to take notice that she fell out of trees, off her bike and down stairs more than most kids. Every time her job brought her within the cold sterile walls she would invariably flash back to a dislocated shoulder or hip, a sprained wrist, a broken arm or rib she had suffered in silence. Sometimes the memories would be so vivid that a phantom pain would seize her and linger for hours.

She looked at the clock and sighed when she saw that only two minutes had passed since the last time she had checked the time. The longer Catherine was gone, the more anxious she became. When the blonde was with her, the walls didn't press in quite so close and it was a little easier to breath. It was amazing to her how much the older woman's presence made her confinement bearable and put her at ease, as long as she didn't think about staying in the Willows' home.

From the moment the blonde had pulled her out of her little panic attack something buried in the dark recesses of her subconscious had been trying to claw its way into the light. Every time she fell asleep nightmares plagued her, but upon waking the images evaporated like smoke. Normally she didn't have a problem recalling the hellish dreamscapes that invaded her slumber but for some reason these stubbornly remained hidden to her waking mind. The only thing she was sure of was they involved Michael Thomas and invoked a soul deep terror in her.

Xxx

Catherine poked her head around the door wanting to make sure Sara was up before she allowed her anxious daughter into the room. When she saw the brunette absently picking fuzzballs off the thin blanket coving her and staring despondently out the window, her brows knitted together in concern. It was clear something was weighing heavily on her mind and the blonde could only hope that the younger woman was really okay with Lindsey being there.

Well there wasn't much she could do about it now. They were there and if she tried to keep her daughter out now she was going to have a mutiny on her hands. Lindsey had only just started acting like an actual human being again instead of an acid spitting alien, and Cath just wasn't ready to go back to that. If things got to be to overwhelming for the lanky brunette then she could cut the visit short without breaking her word to her little girl.

As the door swung open Sara jerked her attention away from her thoughts and back to the present. The moment she saw Catherine striding in, she couldn't keep the smile of relief off her face until the top of a small blonde head half hidden behind a huge bouquet of flowers appeared behind the older woman. Before the grin could slip the brunette plastered it on, she didn't want the girl to think she wasn't welcome.

She liked Lindsey, she really did, but she still harbored an aching guilt about failing to nail her father's murderer. Heaped on top of that was the fact that she had come within a hairs breath of losing her mother because of Sara. Then of course there was the nightmare she'd had. The thought of abusing the girl, even in a dream, made her sick to her stomach. It all combined to make her apprehensive about seeing the young blonde. If Catherine hadn't told her how excited her daughter was to finally be able to visit she would have asked her not to bring the girl.

Lindsey carefully sat the vase down where her mother directed before turning to the woman on the bed. She tried hard not to look at the black and purple marks covering Sara's exposed skin but she couldn't seem to get her eyes to move. Her mother had said the brunette had been beaten up and she expected a bruise here or there, not her arms, chest and neck looking like someone had painted her with shoe polish. She had never seen anything like it, not even the time she and her cousin Jeremy had raced their bikes down the big hill by his house and she had wrecked at the bottom.

A discrete nudge from behind her forced Lindsey's eyes upward and directly into Sara's chocolate gaze. Seeing that the woman looked as frightened and nervous as she felt, actually helped to calm her enough to find her voice. "Mom let me pick out the flowers and the card."

Sara accepted the envelope from the girl's small outstretched hand with a genuine smile this time. "They're beautiful Lindsey, thank you."

It took a few moments of manipulation to actually get the card out but Sara managed it without too much embarrassment. It had a cute little teddy bear on the front lying in a hospital bed with the words 'It's un**bear**able without you here' written in a childish scrawl under the drawing. On the inside was the expected conclusion 'get well soon'. It was what was written in the tiny blonde's careful script though that tugged at the woman's heart and brought a tear to her eye. 'Sara, I'm sorry you got hurt but thank you for saving my mom's life. Love, Lindsey'.

The girl's blue eyes went wide in horror as tears began falling down Sara's cheeks. She hadn't meant to make the woman cry, she only wanted her to know grateful she was that the brunette had protected her mother. Lindsey hesitated for moment, unsure if the action would be welcomed, before climbing up on the bed and carefully putting her arms around the injured woman's neck.

Catherine watched the interaction between her daughter and her friend with hopeful trepidation. From the second they had entered the room the woman's dark eyes had stayed riveted on Lindsey. She had stood transfixed as the fear clearly written on the brunette's face changed as she read the card Linds had picked out and signed. Then as tears began slipping down alabaster cheeks the blonde tensed, ready to leap in and offer comfort, but the younger Willows beat her to it. Cath doubted if a blowtorch could take the smile off her face as Sara embraced the girl. It looked as if she had made the right decision after all.

Sara hugged the little body to her own for a minute, amazed how she could be so unraveled by the child's simple words and trust. She couldn't believe how quickly Lindsey had jumped in to offer her comfort, she really barely knew the girl. It was strange that being held by mother and daughter felt the same, safe. It seemed that the two Willows women had more in common than just their looks.

_She really is just like her mother isn't she? A perfect little blonde clone._

Sara wasn't sure where that had come from but it felt eerily familiar, almost like the ghost of a memory although she couldn't recall ever having said it before.

"Ok Linds hop down before you hurt her." Catherine thought she saw a flash of pain cross Sara's face as her brows knitted together. She knew the brunette would never say anything to Lindsey, it wasn't in her nature. She would lay there and suffer just so she didn't upset the girl.

Lindsey pulled away from the woman and glared at her mother ready to argue but quickly caught herself. If she got into a fight with her mom now, then she most likely wouldn't be allowed to come back. She climbed down but didn't move away from the bed, wanting to stay close to the brunette in case she started crying again.

"Sara I picked up some pajamas for you yesterday, I figured they'd be more comforta …"

Sara knew someone was speaking to her but she couldn't make out the words, the darkness was pressing in too closely. The light in the room shrank away from the inky gloom until all that remained was a single point of illumination, a solitary bulb hanging from the old grungy ceiling tiles. An inferno raced through her body as one shadow separated itself from the false night and formed itself into a pair of soulless brown eyes, shining with a madness that stopped her heart.

'_I've been thinking a lot about little Lindsey. She's going to be an orphan soon.'_

_The words slammed into her through the pain. The knife flashed again sending a new rush of fire coursing along her already raw nerve endings. She tried to speak but the words were drowned out by the scream ripping its way out of her throat. _

'_She really is just like her mother isn't she? A perfect little blonde clone. The perfect trophy. You'll have a piece of Catherine with you forever. She's young so it'll be easy to train her, our new daughter. We'll be such a happy little family.'_

'_Stay away from her.' The demand was so soft she barely heard her own words. His laughter rang through her head, filled her mind until she could feel it, consuming her from the inside out. _

Catherine looked up from the burgundy colored silk pajamas when the brunette failed to give any response to the suggestion of helping her change. Beads of sweat stood out on the brunette's pallid forehead and her hands were balled into fists so tightly that the skin across her knuckles was stark white. There was such a look of terror in Sara's eyes that the blonde whipped around to follow her gaze. Seeing nothing but the closed door the blonde pulled her daughter out of the way and stepped to the other woman's side.

"Sara what's wrong?" Grabbing Sara's hand, Catherine felt icy fingers of fear race down her spine at the chill in the trembling appendage.

Catherine reached for the nurse's call button, not sure what was wrong. Sara wasn't responding and the shudders running through the lanky body getting worse by the second. She was afraid that the thin woman was going to shake herself apart. Her hand paused over the small white box as a strangled whisper reached her ears. "Stay away from her."

"Linds go wait outside." Catherine ordered without looking at the girl. She forgot the call button and grasped Sara's face in her hands. She knew that the brunette was having a flashback and she didn't want her daughter to hear or see something that might frighten her.

"But Mom…"

"No _buts_ Lindsey. Go wait outside the door until I tell you its okay to come back in." As her daughter exited in a huff Catherine pulled the dark sweat soaked head to her, trying to pull the younger woman out of the past and ground her in the present. "Sara, its okay sweetheart come back now, it's over."

"_Sara, Sara, Sara, still so naïve. Soon you'll be begging to have that adorable little girl with you as a constant reminder of your first. Trust me on this, it's so much easier to relive the experience with a trophy." _

"_No. Leave her alone."_

"_Sara."_

"Sara."

_The brunette blinked in confusion. Michael's mouth was moving but it was no longer his voice. _"He can't hurt you anymore Sara, he's dead, come back to me please."

The dulcet pleading tones tugged at her, drew her in. She knew that voice. This voice, unlike his, offered comfort and safety instead of pain and fear. Her torture chamber faded as the familiar presence flared brightly in her mind, chasing away the oppressive darkness. A pair of crystal blue eyes stared deep into her and Sara felt stripped bare under their knowing gaze. The sob that rose up from her soul felt like a tidal wave, threatening to drown her in pain. And then a pair of strong arms wrapped around her, keeping her afloat.

As Sara buried her head in Catherine's shoulder, the blonde tightened her hold on the sobbing woman as much as she could while still being mindful of her injuries. She should have expected something like this to happen sooner or later, the brunette had a lifetime horrific memories to haunt her.

Sinking into the safety and comfort of Catherine's embrace, Sara felt a renewed guilt crashing down on her. How could she have forgotten something like that? What else was lurking in the back of her mind, clouded by pain and drugs? She needed to let the blonde know what he had been planning, she needed to confess, but not in front of the woman's daughter. This was definitely something the girl didn't need to hear. Lifting her head slightly the brunette tried to look around the room but she couldn't see much through the golden curtain of hair in front of her eyes. "Lindsey?"

"I sent her out into the hall." The blonde was once again amazed by her younger co-worker. Sara was still trembling from the waking nightmare she had just experienced and her first thought was for Catherine's daughter.

Sara's ribs and shoulder were protesting her current position rather loudly, but she chose to ignore them along with the descant the bruises were adding everywhere her body touched the other woman's slight frame. The pain was worth the solace she found in the blonde's arms. "He wanted to take her Cath. He said she would be the ultimate trophy. He had some twisted fantasy about the three of us being a family and raising Lindsey to be like him. I'm so sorry I brought him into your lives and putting her in harms way. I'm sorry I didn't remember it sooner."

Catherine brought her hand up and sank it into the dark waves of brown hair, pressing the chestnut head tighter against her. She mind was screaming in terror at what could have been, what almost was, but her baby was safe and sound right outside the door. It was Sara that needed her now. "I told you before that you are not responsible for anything that monster did, but I'll say it as many times as it takes to get it through that thick skull of yours. You. Didn't. Do. Anything. Wrong. Michael Wayne Thomas was an evil man, a monster. You didn't ask to be stalked and raped. You didn't ask him to become obsessed. You didn't ask him to escape from prison, kidnap us, torture you and threaten my daughter. He is the only one that can be held accountable for his actions. Got it?"

Nodding her head from the nest she had created in the hollow of Catherine's shoulder, Sara let herself sink into the warmth of the body against hers. Most people would have blamed her and abandoned her but the blonde didn't seem to be going anywhere any time soon. Why couldn't they have been this way from the beginning? Things could have been so different between them, they could've had a chance to be so much more. The brunette clamped down on that thought immediately. There was no sense in entertaining what if's, she couldn't change the past. She would just have to enjoy what they had now, but she was going to have to be careful not to let her feelings get out of control. The last thing she needed was to let her past crush on the older woman reemerge. It hadn't been as easy for her to get over her feelings for Catherine as she had tried to make the alluring woman believe.

"Huh?" Sara realized that while she had been lost in thought, Catherine had been calling her name.

"I asked you if you thought the repressed memory was the reason you wigged out when I brought up you coming to stay with us." When Sara had failed to respond to her question the first time, Catherine was afraid she had been engulfed in another memory until she realized that the brunette was still relaxed against her. She began running a hand through the younger woman's dark locks, nails scratching lightly against her scalp. If she could keep her calm then maybe they could discus the issue without Sara getting upset again.

Sara had thought a lot about that and had come to the conclusion that the nightmare she'd had was the culprit. Now it looked like she needed to reevaluate that deduction a little. "I think, maybe, partially it was because even though I couldn't consciously recall it, it was still buried in the back of my mind somewhere. I just don't understand how I could forget something that important. She was in danger and it just slipped my mind?"

"You were in pain and possibly drugged at the time Sara, it's a wonder you have any memories of those three days at all." Catherine had no idea what had been going on when Thomas had brought up her daughter, but she doubted they were having a tea party. Sara's body was a roadmap of the torture she'd suffered and the tox screen told a story all its own. The brunette was lucky not to be a drooling vegetable. "What's the other part?"

Sara screwed her eyes shut as the dream slithered its way through her mind and left her feeling cold. As she shivered in fear the brunette felt Catherine's arms around her tighten slightly, lending her warmth and strength. "I've dreamed about the night my dad died a thousand times and every time it was the same, just the way it happened, until the other night. This time I was my mother, you were my father and Lindsey was me. I ripped her little body out of bed, drug her down the hall, threw her in the corner and made her watch me kill you."

"And what, you think that just proves what Thomas said about you being like your parents? Or maybe that he succeeded in twisting you into a parody of himself? That's bullshit. It was just a dream, it doesn't mean anything. Your unconscious mind took everything you've been through and jumbled it all together. I know for a fact that you would rather die than hurt Lindsey or me. It was _just_ a dream." Catherine understood how a nightmare like could upset the brunette. What she didn't get was how someone with Sara's intelligence could believe that it was some kind of indicator of what she was capable of.

Sara could hear the frustration along with sincerity in the blonde's voice. At every turn Catherine had defended her to herself and here she was doing it again after the brunette had told her she'd dreamed of killing her in front of her daughter. "How can you do that? How can you just dismiss it as just a dream?"

Catherine pushed the younger woman away from her before taking Sara's face in her hands. She wanted the brunette to see her face. "How can I dismiss it? I've known you for five years. I've watched you fight tooth and nail to protect those that can't protect them. I've seen the look on your face when you can't get the bad guy, it crushes you, even if the evidence just isn't there. I listened to you scream in pain and terror until your voice gave out and you couldn't scream anymore. I watched you take a bullet for me. I watched you ignore how much you were hurting and go after him again to give me a few precious seconds to get away. You were willing to die so I could escape, so my daughter wouldn't grow up an orphan. So yeah, it was just a dream. I trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone in my life, I trust you _with_ my life." Catherine wasn't sure when the tears had started but she refused to let go of Sara to brush them away. She had the feeling that if she couldn't get through to the brunette this time she might not get another chance.

"You could hear me?" Sara wanted to brush away the wetness streaming down the older woman's cheeks but she couldn't seem to get her limbs to move. She had never thought that Catherine was that close. She never believed that the blonde practically had a front row seat to her torture.

Catherine stared deep into ebony eyes that were filling with pain, not for the brunette, but for the emotional torment the blonde had suffered. She had to tell her the rest, make her fully understand. "The room he kept me in was about fifty feet from yours. The sound bounced off the walls, down the corridor, through the air ducts and I heard it all. It ripped me apart knowing he was hurting you and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. But I didn't know how close I was until I escaped. I tried to get the door open, to get you out, but he caught me. I…

"You should have left me there." Sara interrupted the blonde, her voice cracking. "I'm not worth…

"Don't you dare finish that sentence." It was Catherine's turn to cut the other woman off. She couldn't help the venom in her voice. Anger was boiling just below the surface like a thick noxious tar. It wasn't the brunette that drew her ire, but the people that had made her feel that way. "You're worth that and more. Do you have any idea what it was like for me to have to listen as he tortured you and not be able to stop it? I was scared that if I left you there he would take off with you and we'd lose you forever. I want you to stay with me so I can see and hear and feel that you're all right. Every time I close my eyes your screams wake me up and I want you there so I can touch you and see for myself that you're okay. I know it's selfish but I can't help it." The anger had drained away the more she talked and left the blonde feeling exposed and shaky. She hadn't meant to say so much, to revel so much.

Whatever force had held her motionless abruptly released its hold and Sara pulled the smaller woman to her. Her injuries made the hug awkward but she hung on as tightly as she could. How could she deny the blonde when Catherine had tried to save her, had stayed instead of saving herself? She believed in her, trusted her, when Sidle couldn't even do that for herself. "I'm sorry I didn't know. If you want me to stay with you I will."

"I don't want you to do anything you don't want to or you're not ready for. That's not why I told you." The rush of joy Catherine felt as Sara agreed to come home with her quickly faded. She didn't want to guilt trip the younger woman into complying.

"I had to let Greg brush my hair so I think you were right about me needing help. But it would just be until I can take care of myself." Letting her younger co-worker assist her had been hard, but she hadn't asked him to. This was a big step for her. Sara had been taking care of herself for as long as she could remember. For her to admit that she needed someone's help, for whatever reason or motivating factor, was a huge deal.

Catherine smiled at the concession and the image of the hyperactive ex-lab rat playing hair-dresser. Sara was only agreeing because of what the blonde had told her, but the stubborn woman was still doing it under her own terms. "Well now that that's settled do you want these pajamas or do you like wearing the hospital's air conditioned gowns?"

Sara felt a blush creeping up her face at the thought of having the beautiful blonde help her dress. Her first instinct was to refuse but she really detested the backless garment the hospital supplied and there was no way she was going to be able to do it on her own. Pulling away from Catherine, the brunette kept her head down hoping that the older woman wouldn't notice the flush in her cheeks. "Yeah, okay."

"I promise not to look if it makes you feel any better." Cath tried to keep the smile off her face but she couldn't keep it out of her voice. A bashful Sara Sidle was utterly adorable.

"Can we just get this over with please?" Sara could hear the laughter in the blonde's voice and it only increased her embarrassment.

Catherine knew that teasing the introverted brunette would only cause her to withdraw so she stayed silent as she retrieved the sleepwear from where she had dropped it in her haste to get to Sara. Even though she tried her best not to peek, several times during the process she had no choice but to look and each time the blonde had to suppress a gasp at the damage she glimpsed. Not one inch of the younger woman's torso had been left untouched and she silently wept again for the horror's Sara had faced all alone at Michael Thomas' hands.

Neither woman spoke until Catherine bent down to help the brunette get into the pajama pants and she noticed something she never would have guessed about Sara. "You have a tattoo."

Sara could feel the blonde tracing the sunburst on the top of her foot and the light caress sent shivers coursing through her. It had been a long time since anyone had touched that particular reminder of her past. "I got it when I sixteen. One of my foster brothers at the time wanted to be a tattoo artist and I agreed to be one of his guinea pigs. It was my attempt at rebellion."

"So why the sun? Does it have some special meaning?" Catherine asked as she returned to her task of getting the younger woman dressed.

Sara smiled as she remembered the sweet yet troubled seventeen year old boy she had shared a house with for six months. The two of them had bonded as much as kids that had been in the system for a while could. It was hard to get close to someone when you never knew when one of you was going to be forced to move. "I figured it was simple enough that Rodney couldn't mess it up. I may have been rebelling but I didn't want to get stuck with a screwed up tat the rest of my life."

Catherine tucked Sara back into bed wondering what else the brunette might have done in an effort to establish herself as an individual in a system where children were shuffled around so much that they often became faceless to the people that were supposed to care for them. "Do me a favor. If Lindsey sees it, tell her you got it when you were twenty-five."

Lindsey's acting out had become common knowledge around the lab. From hitchhiking to getting into fights, the girl had taken her father's death hard and in response her behavior had reflected her anger. "I'll tell her I was thirty, maybe that way she won't think it's at all cool."

Catherine smiled as she leaned over to kiss the brunette's forehead for her thoughtfulness. "Yeah right, anything that remotely looks like I'll disapprove is going to be attractive to her. She's almost thirteen after all."

Sara found herself grinning happily as the blonde went to usher her daughter back into the room. Her emotions had run the gamut throughout the last few hours but at the moment she felt good. She didn't know what the next few days would bring but with Catherine's constant support she felt that she could face it head on.

TBC

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A/N: Hey look, no cliffhanger. ;) 


	22. Part 22

A/N: I don't really have an excuse for this chapter other than migraines and a lazy muse. You guys are still the best and I think this is the first time I've ever gotten a marriage proposal for a fic. Thanks for the offer, are you willing to relocate? ;) The next part is already partially done, since I started it during the planning stages of the story. So hopefully it won't be long before I can get it up, depending on my net access.

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Part 22

Sara let out a heavy sigh as the door closed behind Nick. He had offered to stay until Catherine got there but the sweet natured Texan was dead on his feet and she didn't want him falling asleep at the wheel. So she'd insisted that he go home and rest. Now she was beginning to regret it. It would be at least another twenty minutes before the blonde would get there after dropping Lindsey off at school.

Since being moved into a private room the brunette found that she grew anxious when left by herself for very long. Unlike the ICU where there was a constant cacophony of sounds from machines and people, this floor was nearly silent most of the time. It reminded her to much of the overnight says in the hospital she'd had as a child, alone and scared.

Her parents had never cared enough to stay with her even though they were the one's that had put her there. Thinking about it now she was surprised that they hadn't been worried she might say something to one of the doctors or nurses but then again they had drilled 'family business isn't discussed outside the family' into her hard enough to leave scars. Those nights alone had been a blessing and a curse. On one hand she knew that for one or two days she didn't have to worry about making her mom and dad angry enough to hurt her, but on the other it was terrifying for a small child to be alone in a strange place with strange people.

The guys and Brass had been really great, staggering their breaks so that as one was leaving another was coming for several hours in the evening, and Sophia had even dropped by a few times. They also stopped by before and after their shifts to fill the time between Catherine's visits. She was pretty certain the lithe blonde had something to do with their timing but she couldn't bring herself to be angry with the older woman. She should have known that Willows would pick up on her reluctance to be alone and take steps to make sure she had someone with her as much as possible.

Grissom on the other hand had so far kept to his promise to give her time and space and had stayed away. Sara knew she was going to have to talk to him sooner or later but she was leaning toward later, much later. Deep down she didn't want to hurt him but there was a tiny part of her that wanted him to know some of the pain he had caused her all these years. She was still angry with him for suddenly deciding she was worth the risk of a relationship and the fact that he had admitted that to the man that had murdered her doppelganger had cut her like a knife. She wasn't sure if that wound would ever completely heal.

Sara was jarred out of her thoughts as the door to her room swung open. For just a second her spirits lifted and a smile lit her face until she realized that it wasn't her blonde co-worked coming in but the dayshift nurse. The grin slipped a bit but didn't completely disappear. She wasn't the person the brunette wanted to see but at least she was company.

"Good morning Sara. How are you feeling today?" Alison Dean greeted the woman on the bed with a large smile before moving to begin taking her morning vitals. The long limbed brunette had quickly become her favorite patient. Although the woman had been through something extremely traumatic she never complained about anything except wanting to go home, never demanded special treatment, never asked for anything really. In the four days she had been looking after Sara, she had brought the woman an extra blanket and two pitchers of ice chips. Her friends and family usually took care of whatever the brunette needed leaving Dean very little to do other than clean wounds, change bandages and take vitals.

"Better, thanks." Sara winced as the perky woman inflated the blood pressure cuff. She had to grit her teeth to keep from hissing until the tiny nurse was through.

Alison bit her lip in empathy. Having your pressure taken could be uncomfortable under normal conditions since the cuff had to be so tight to get an accurate reading but with the amount of bruising on the woman's body it had to be incredibly painful for Sara. She had been surprised the first morning she had done it that the shy woman hadn't said a word, she had just closed her eyes and waited for it to be over. "And where is that lovely partner of yours this morning?"

"She should be on her way. She had to take Lindsey to school." The first time Nurse Dean had asked about her partner Sara had stared at her in confusion for a minute until prompted her with a description and she realized the short woman was talking about Catherine. She didn't know where Alison had gotten the impression that CSI's had fixed partnerships like cops but she hadn't felt like explaining the difference and had simply let it go.

It also seemed as though the lively brunette had misinformed the entire nursing staff since that was how they all referred to her blonde colleague. She had to admit that if she could only work cases with one person it would probably be Cath. The older woman challenged and complimented her in ways no one else did. Once upon a time she would have said Grissom, but now she didn't even know if was going to be able to work with him at all.

"Oh she is such a cutie, gonna be a real heartbreaker when she's older too. She really seems to be a wonderful girl, so polite and considerate. The way she was fluffing your pillow yesterday and fussing over you was just the most adorable thing I've ever seen." The first time Alison had seen the little girl, she had been sitting beside Sara while the brunette helped her with her homework while Catherine looked on with a huge grin on her face. They made such a beautiful family that the nurse couldn't help but be a little jealous. She hoped that someday she found someone as devoted to her as the blonde was to her patient and that they had a wonderful child to share their lives with.

"She's a lot like her mom." Sara smiled at the memory. She had been sifting around on the bed, trying to get comfortable when Lindsey had told her to 'stop fidgeting and lean up'. The girl had sounded so much like Catherine that she had complied without thought. The little blonde had adjusted her pillows and then scolded the brunette for not asking for help. She had been in 'mothering' mode ever since her visit.

When Linds had come back into the room after Sara's flashback and mini-breakdown, the girl had rushed to her side frightened that she had done something wrong. The brunette had stumbled and stuttered her way through a vague explanation of what had happened that in the end hadn't made much sense but had gotten across to the child that it wasn't her fault. She had accepted it with a skeptical look but hadn't pressed the issue. Instead she had climbed back up on the bed and proceeded to regale Sara with talk of her school and her friends. It had been the longest and easiest conversation the introverted woman had ever had with a kid during her adult life.

"Oh I bet. I'm sure there were quite a few broken hearts the day you snagged her." Alison laughed as she turned to dispose of the gauze that had covered the brunette's shoulder wound. She was sure a few hearts had shattered over the brunette as well, but kept that to herself so as not to embarrass Sara, although she was tempted just to see the woman blush again. The last time she had paid the woman a compliment her patient had turned as red as a vine ripened tomato.

The nurse's odd comment caused Sara to frown in confusion. Why would she think that Catherine being her partner would break anyone's heart? Alison didn't even know how great a CSI the blonde was. It really didn't make any sense to her. She was still trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together when her doctor made his daily appearance.

"Good morning Ms. Sidle, Nurse Dean. Let's have a look, shall we?" Dr. Kingsley checked the notes on the chart before he began probing the sight of the incision he'd made to repair the damage the bullet had made to Sara's shoulder. "Well everything looks good, no sign of infection and you're healing well. I think you're ready to go home this afternoon, provided you have someone that can stay with you. I don't think it's a good idea for you to be alone until you have full use of at least on arm. I'll want to see you next week to remove the stitches and set up some occupational therapy sessions."

"Sara's partner should be here shortly and I doubt Catherine will leave her alone for a second once she gets her home." Alison provided as she began to put a fresh bandage on the brunette's shoulder.

"Ah yes, your partner, I've been meaning to speak to you about her. You really should update your file. Since you have no next of kin we allowed her a little leeway with information and visitation but without the proper documentation she can not make any decisions regarding your medical treatment. You should have copies of your domestic partnership agreement or a power of attorney in your file, I personally recommend having both. Now as soon as Ms. Willows arrives we'll start working on your discharge papers." Kingsley felt that by the look on his patient's face meant that she was feeling properly chastised. He just hoped that she heeded his advice, with a job like theirs, there was always a danger that she or her partner could end up back in the hospital.

Sara was in such shock that she didn't even notice the doctor and nurse leaving the room. Never in her wildest dreams had she thought _that_ was the kind of partnership the hospital staff thought she had with Catherine. It never even crossed her mind for a second that they all thought the blonde was her girlfriend. No, that wasn't exactly right. Domestic partnership agreement suggested something deeper than just girlfriend. Holy crap they thought Cath was her _wife_! The brunette had no idea how they could have gotten that idea on their own, the only physical affection the blonde had ever showed toward her was a few kisses on the forehead and a hug or two. Someone had to have deliberately given them that impression. And there was only one person she could think of that could have or would have done it.

"Sara, yoo-hoo earth to Sara."

Speak of the devil. "Hello dear, get Lindsey off to school okay?" Sara's voice was sugary sweet as she greeted the blonde. She was going to have some fun with this.

Catherine frowned more from the unexpected endearment than from the strange tone. She had called Sara sweetheart and sweetie a number of times in the last week but the brunette had never once responded in kind. Something was off. "Okay, what's going on?"

"Why would something be going on honey? I'm just asking about our daughter?" Sara swore she could actually see a light bulb going on over the blonde's head as realization hit her squarely between the eyes and she had to fight to keep the smile straining to get free under control.

"Oh, that." Catherine felt a blush rising hot and fast up her cheat and across her face. She had thought she had gotten away with that little deception, had hoped that Sara would never find out about it.

"Oh yes, that. You know I don't remember getting hit in the head but I must have if I forgot we were married. And whatever I got hit with must have been really heavy too since I don't even remember us dating. So tell me Catherine, how in the world did everyone in this hospital get the idea that we are together?" Sara could see the fear and embarrassment on the blonde's face but she wasn't going to let her off the hook that easily.

"It was an accident but they were telling me how you were and letting me see you so I couldn't tell them that." Cath hoped that this wouldn't make the brunette reconsider staying with her. She should have told her about the mix up sooner, but she had back scared as to how Sara would react.

"How do you _accidentally_ tell someone you're my wife?" Sara couldn't wait to hear this story.

Even days later the memory of those fearful hours, not knowing if the brunette was going to live or die, was burned into Catherine's mind so deep she doubted it would ever really fade. "I was terrified. I didn't know if you were going to be okay and the doctor called you my friend. I yelled at her that you weren't, that you were more than that, and she took that to mean we were a couple. You had put yourself between me and a homicidal maniac, you got shot, you were willing to die for me. Friend just didn't seem to be… enough. Once I realized how she had taken what I said, the doctor that treated you in the ER was giving me an update on your condition and I couldn't correct the mistake. I needed to know if you were going to be okay, and that it got me the information. So I'm sorry if I've pissed you off but I'm not sorry for taking advantage of a misunderstanding."

Sara suddenly felt awful for teasing the blonde. If their situation had been reversed, the brunette knew she would have done the same thing. "I'm not mad. I just wish you had given me a heads-up so I didn't look like a complete idiot. The first time the nurse asked me where my partner was all I could do was stare at her until she started dropping hints. Of course once I figured out she was talking about you, I was thinking partners like cops, not girlfriends."

"So you're not upset that everyone here thinks you're a lesbian and married to me? Just that you didn't know about it?" Catherine felt a need to clarify what the brunette had told her. Sara guarded her privacy like pit bull with a meaty bone.

"Catherine you are one of the most intelligent and beautiful women I've ever met. I doubt there's one person on the planet that would mind if people mistook you for their wife." As the blonde's eyes widened at her compliment, Sara noticed that they had matching blushes rising up their cheeks. In an effort to deflect attention from her big mouth, the brunette rushed on. "I just don't like people thinking I'm a complete moron. I'm sitting there doing an impression of a fish out of water while my doctor is scolding me about not having domestic partnership papers or power of attorney in my file. Of course he had a point. Without any family, if something happens to me there's no one that can pull the plug."

Not wanting to embarrass the brunette further, Catherine chose not to comment on the first part of her little speech. "What about a living will? If you had one in your files they'd have to follow whatever instructions you put in it."

"I actually had one once, but I tore it up and threw it away. Having it on paper just seemed to make all the possibilities real and I didn't want to think about it. I'd rather have a living breathing person that I can trust to make the decisions for me if I can't. I don't want to end up drooling all over myself, being kept alive machines while some stranger has to change my diaper. If there's no hope that I'll recover, I want someone to put me out of my misery." Sara hadn't really considered giving someone the power to make life and death decisions for her until the doctor brought it up. But now that he had an idea was taking shape in her mind and she hoped that the other woman would agree to what she wanted to ask.

"That's a big responsibility. You would definitely have to have someone you could trust implicitly." Catherine ran through the choices available and settled on Nick as the person Sara would most liking choose. The younger woman and Warrick weren't that close, Greg was Greg, and once upon a time it might have been Grissom but that time was probably past. The brunette and the Texan had always had good relationship, even flirted a bit when she had first come to work with them. And Stokes was a solid guy, dependable, trustworthy; she could do a whole lot worse than having him look after her interests if she was ever in that situation.

"I know. That's why I want you to do it." Sara hardly dared to look at the blonde. It was a lot to ask of anyone, and especially of someone you could barely be civil to not two weeks ago, but things had changed. In the blink of a madman's eye, their entire relationship had been flipped upside down. It had continued to evolve over the past week and now the brunette knew that the blonde was someone she could depend on in tough times, lean on during bad times and entrust her life to. Catherine had proved to her time and again that believed and trusted her, she wanted to her that she felt the same.

Catherine felt her jaw drop. She hadn't even considered herself in that role. The blonde had just assumed that Sara would want someone that she hadn't had an indifferent and sometimes an antagonistic relationship with for most of their association. True they had bonded in a way that she had never thought possible, but then she had never stood beside someone and looked death in the eye either. Still, could she carry through if it ever came down to it? Could she actually end the younger woman's life? Could she let her go even if that was what Sara wanted? "I'm not saying no, but I'm not saying yes either. There are a lot of things we need to talk about and I need to think about it."

Sara was just as glad that Catherine hadn't turned her down flat as she was that the blonde hadn't accepted. It was a huge decision that shouldn't be taken lightly. "Well we can talk about it more this afternoon after we get to your place."

"My what? They're letting you out of here? Today?" At Sara's nod, Catherine leaned over and lightly tapped the end of brunette's nose. "You little brat, that should've been the first thing you told me instead of messing with me about the whole marriage thing!"

"Sorry dear." Sara tried to look contrite but failed miserably as she smiled wide enough to show the gap between her teeth.

Catherine just barely managed to keep an answering grin off her face as she narrowed her eyes at the brunette. It was good to have Sara smiling and joking, even if it was at her expense. Of course that didn't mean she was just going to sit there and take it. "Shut up."

Seeing the smile trying to fight its way onto the blonde's lips and the twinkle shinning in her crystalline blue eyes Sara couldn't seem to help herself. "Yes dear."

TBC


	23. Part 23

A/N: I would have had this out sooner but I had to go out of town for some family crap. This part has more angst but it's what I would call angst-lite, what can I say I'm an angst whore. I'm going to try to keep it out of the next part, but I can't make any promises. Thanks to everyone that reviewed, I still find it hard to believe that this story has been so well received. Anyway, you guys rock. Kimmi

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Part 23

"You don't have to do this, you know. I can run up and pack your things while you wait in the car." Catherine looked from the stairs to the woman beside her. When they left the hospital Sara had insisted on going to her place to pick up some clothes and nothing she or Brass said had dissuaded her. She had been a little surprised when the brunette had insisted on calling the cop but the moment he had come through the door the soft smiles on the both their faces began to clue her in too how close the two were.

The first thought that had popped into her head as she watched the interaction between the two, was that the real reason Sara no longer wanted Gil was because she had found someone to replace him. The tender way Jim held her hand and brushed his lips over her cheek seemed to reinforce that idea until the lanky CSI had smirked up at him and 'Dad' and 'kiddo' got thrown back and forth. Cath had only been able to stare at them.

She hadn't had the opportunity to observe them together away from the job since long before she had Sara had been abducted. And after the brunette had been admitted to the hospital, Jim's visits had been mostly at night when Catherine had been at home with her daughter. The blonde wondered if this was a new development in their relationship or if they had been so close before. And if they had, why hadn't she known about it? It was something she was definitely going to have to ask the younger woman about once they were alone.

"Or you can both wait down here and I can go." Jim was glad he had insisted that Sara call him when she was released from the hospital. She had told him about agreeing to stay with Catherine, but he'd had a feeling she'd want to come here after a few comments about not being able to wait to wear her own things. He just didn't think she was ready to be pushing herself so soon.

Sara kept here eyes on the stairs. She knew her friend and her surrogate father were concerned about her health, but they didn't understand. She had to do this, had to see. "Thanks guys, but I'll be okay. I've had six days to lie around and they gave me a Lortab right before we left. Besides it's just a couple flights of stairs."

Looking at the stubborn set to her friend's features, Catherine knew they had lost round two but she had to give one last ditch effort to talk the brunette out of it. "Yes you had six days where you barely got out of bed. You don't have all your strength back yet and you shouldn't be climbing all those stairs and straining something."

Brass could see the argument brewing in Sara's chocolate orbs and decided that it might be a good idea to defuse the situation before the storm broke. "You just don't want us poking around in your drawers. You know I was married, I have seen women's underwear before."

The rising anger Sara had felt in her gut as they tried to deter her melted away as she grinned over at the man that had taken her into his heart and carved out a place for himself in hers. She didn't even know why she was mad, they were just trying to protect her. "Yes but you haven't seen mine and I prefer to keep it that way, thank you very much. Come on lets go, journey of a thousand steps and all that."

As Sara took a deep breath and started up Catherine moved as close to her as she could, putting her hand on the small of the brunette's back. She wished that she could carry the stubborn woman to her destination but would have to settle for making sure that the lanky CSI didn't fall backwards. The blonde looked over at the burly detective as he mirrored her move and gave him a tight smile. If they couldn't talk Sara out of it, they could at least support her.

The going was slow and as they neared her landing Sara slowed down even more. The sweat beading on her forehead, the frightened-rabbit beating of her heart, the cold clammy hands, the claws wrapped around her lungs had little to do with the climb though, the pain pill had worked its numbing magic well. It was the proximity to her own front door that had her in near full panic mode. She had thought she was ready for this but as Brass stepped around her to unlock the door, only warmth of Catherine's hand on her back kept Sara upright as the crushing weight of guilt fell onto her shoulders.

As Catherine was about to follow Jim into the apartment she felt the body under her hand begin to tremble. She looked over at the brunette and was immediately concerned by the pale sweat-soaked skin and wide eyes. "Sara, what's wrong sweetie?"

The brunette squeezed her eyes closed, trying to block out the ghost that was currently stalking her, but she could still see it in all it's grotesque glory. "That's where he killed him. He just slit his throat and the blood was spraying all over the walls. God that wet gurgling sound as he tried to breathe, I can still hear it. He died right there and I couldn't do anything to stop it."

Catherine pulled the taller woman to her and wrapped her arms around Sara. Almost immediately the blonde felt hot tears that were not her own sliding down her neck. She hadn't known that one of the officers had been killed _inside_ the brunette's apartment, only that both of the uniforms assigned to guard her had been murdered. If she had known she would have fought harder to keep the younger woman away for as long as possible. "Come on, let's go. I'll come back later and get your clothes."

Sara pulled back from the embrace but didn't break it. She wanted to look the blonde in the eyes, to make her understand, but not lose contact. "No. I have to do this. If I don't go in there now, I'll never be able to step foot in my own home again."

Now that she knew this little trip really had little too nothing to do with clothing Catherine was a little upset that Sara hadn't told her the truth, but the pleading look in the taller woman's molten brown eyes wouldn't allow her to be really mad though. And the stubborn set of the younger CSI's jaw told the blonde that trying to talk her out of it was pretty much pointless. She would just have to support her and be there if the brunette needed her. "Ok, but we do it together."

Sara leaned in until her forehead rested against the blonde's and she whispered her gratitude. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, but you should have told me from the start." Catherine tightened her grip on the younger woman's hips when she felt her start to twitch away. While Sara had started opening up to her a lot more, it was still hard for the brunette to remember that she didn't have to face everything alone anymore.

Jim smiled at the tender way the blonde handled brunette as she scolded and comforted her. Sara had tried to explain the changes in her relationship with Catherine during his late night visits but he hadn't had a chance to actually see it with his own eyes until today.

When he had walked in the door the blonde was sitting on the bed, one hand resting lightly on the younger woman's stomach while the other tucked some stray hair behind Sara's ear. It was such a tender moment that he hated to make his presence known. Unfortunately it was taken out of his hands when an orderly dropped a stack of metal trays in the hall and drew their attention towards him. Jim had put on a smile and quickly made his way to the bed to give the young brunette his customary greeting.

They talked for a few minutes until Sara began to get antsy and started complaining about hospital bureaucracy and taking forever just to print out a couple of stupid pieces of paper. Catherine had smiled indulgently and planted a kiss on the top of the younger woman's head before going to find out what the hold up was. When Brass had shot a questioning look at her, Sidle had shrugged like it wasn't a big deal. Apparently over the last week this had become some sort of routine for the two of them and neither one of them thought anything of it. He just hoped for his girl's sake that nothing happened to drive a wedge between them. Sara more than needed, she _deserved_, the kind of friendship and care Willows was giving her and if that was taken away it could set her back further than he would like to think about.

"You ready?" Catherine asked softly as she reached up to brush away the brunette's tears.

"No, but I need to do it anyway." Sara smiled sadly at the blonde before turning back toward her door. She tried to move forward but her feet suddenly seemed to be glued to the floor. She knew she had to do this. A cop, a fellow law enforcement officer who had been assigned to protect her, had lost his life in her hallway and she felt that if she didn't acknowledge and face it she was somehow trivializing his death. It wasn't until she felt a thin strong arm encircle her waste and warmth from the blonde's lithe body leeching into her own that the brunette regained command of her legs though. One step, then two, three, a pause at the threshold and she was inside.

"The blood's gone." For the first time since she had stepped onto the landing outside her apartment Sara saw through the specters of Michael Thomas and Officer William Hankins.

"Ecklie actually had an almost-human moment and released the place to crime scene clean up a little early." Brass had nearly had a heart attack when he had heard the assistant director had done it. Of course nothing was ever really as it seemed where the former day shift supervisor was concerned, Jim just hadn't figured out his angle yet.

"I'll uh, have to send him a thank you card or something." Sara frowned at the unusual move. It was no secret to her that after she had told Ecklie exactly what she thought of him that he would like nothing more than to get rid of her. He had to have an ulterior motive, but right now she just didn't feel like thinking about it.

Catherine was thinking along the same lines as the others and like them decided that it could wait until later. She had other things to deal with at the moment, like getting Sara away from the door and memories it contained. A gentle pressure on the brunette's back had them moving further into the apartment and as they stepped out of the short foyer, the blonde got her first look at the younger woman's living space.

The older CSI was so surprised by the décor that she barely heard the lanky woman ask Jim to help her get a suitcase, or noticed as the two of them disappeared into the other room. Whenever she had spared a thought about where Sara lived, Catherine had always imagined bare stark white walls, utilitarian furniture and a mini lab in the middle of the living room complete with microscopes, Bunsen burners and beakers. In other words she expected to walk into a cold sterile shell. She would have never guessed the brunette to be surrounded by rich and soothing purple walls, beautiful black and white landscapes, intricately carved wood screens and an overstuffed couch and chair. It was cozy and warm and Willows now knew that it reflected perfectly the woman that lived there.

There was one thing in the room that she wasn't surprised to see though. A large bookcase dominated one corner and was practically bursting it was stuffed so full. Catherine made her way over and began pursuing the titles and found that at least one of her preconceptions had been right on the money. All sorts of textbooks filled the shelves, from physics to ballistics and entomology to anatomy. Their glossy spines spoke of Sara's dedication to and passion for her profession, but one volume drew the blonde's eye only because it seemed to be out of place. The thin faded and cracked yellow book called out to Cath's curiosity and she couldn't help but investigate.

The blonde couldn't stop the giggle that escaped when she pulled the thin tome out and turned it over. This was something she couldn't see Sara reading, much less owning and keeping nestled among her collection of textbooks.

"What's so funny?" Brass had left Sara alone in her bedroom at her insistence so she could pack her unmentionables in private and began his own inspection of the brunette's home. He had come almost full circle when he heard an uncharacteristic tittering from the blonde.

Catherine turned toward the detective holding the book up for him to see. His reaction was much the same as hers, although in a much more manly tone.

Sara could hear laughter from the other room and since it had been awhile since she had been home she couldn't remember if she had left out anything potentially embarrassing. She dropped the t-shirt she had been trying unsuccessfully to fold and walked quickly into the living room. Jim's back was to her and Catherine was looking down, presumably at whatever was currently amusing the two of them, so she was able to get right up next to them without either noticing her.

The brunette let out a tiny sigh of relief when she saw what her friends had found so funny. It wasn't nearly as bad as she thought it was. Sara reached between the blonde and the cop and gently took the book out of Catherine's hands. "Hey don't laugh. This book got me a full scholarship to Harvard."

"Curious George got you into college?" Catherine shot a smirk tinged with doubt at the brunette.

If it had been anyone else Sara would have snatched the treasured book from their hands and tossed them out on their ears. Luckily for the blonde and her surrogate father she trusted them more than she had anyone in her life. And since they already had the largest and darkest chunks of her past the brunette found she was okay sharing this small slice of herself. "The first day of kindergarten I was scared out of my mind. I had never been allowed around kids my own age and here I was trapped in a room full of them with absolutely no idea how to relate to them. My brother is eight years older than me and the only game he ever played with me was hide and go seek. I figured out later that only reason he agreed to that was so that he could get rid of me until I got tired of hiding which usually took an hour or two.

Anyway, at nap time the teacher pulled out this book and started reading to us. No one had ever read to me before and I was fascinated. It was like watching tv in my head. I was never allowed to touch the television set and on the rare occasion my parents let me stay in the room while they watched a show, it was usually something that was over my head. This was something that if I could learn to do I would have some tiny bit of control, and it lit a fire in me."

As the brunette stroked the front of the book reverently the blonde quietly raged at the childhood, or rather the lack of, which Sara had had. Catherine had loved reading to Lindsey, painting magical fairytale kingdoms for her, igniting her imagination and starting her solidly on the path of her future school career. How someone as intelligent and gifted as the younger CSI was, could have come out of such a stagnant and hostile environment with no encouragement or care whatsoever, was a miracle.

Jim knew that he had failed his own daughter, sinking into the job and the bottom of a bottle. But during the early years, whenever he was home at bedtime, he was at Ellie's side reading to her. It was one of the few things they had bonded over. He couldn't imagine any parent not wanting to have that.

"Once all the other kids had fallen asleep, I just laid there staring at that book. Mrs. Ortega noticed I was awake and asked me what was wrong. I don't know where I got the courage, speaking up in my house usually got me nothing but pain, but I told her I wanted to learn to read. She very kindly told me that was taught in first grade, kindergarten was where we learned our letters and numbers.

After a couple of weeks of watching me spend every recess and nap time trying to figure it out on my own, for some reason she decided to help me. I soaked up everything she told me and at the end of the year she gave this book. I had never gotten a birthday or even a Christmas present before so it became my prized possession. I even managed to get the social worker to go back into the house and get it for me." Growing up in a world of hand me downs and castoffs the first thing she had ever been given brand new and just for her had made the book all the more precious to Sara. Her mother had refused to buy her new clothes, saying that such a filthy child didn't deserve them and would only ruin them so there was no sense wasting the money. Everything she had worn had either come from second hand stores, good will or things her brother had long ago outgrown. Even the toys she had played with had been her brother's at one time.

The more she learned about Sara's parents the more Catherine absolutely hated them and the more amazed she was by the brunette. Children should always be shown they were loved and cherished everyday, but especially on their birthdays. They should have parties surrounded by friends and families with cake and ice cream and gifts. Even that one year Lindsey had insisted she didn't want a party just so she could spend time alone with her mom, the girl had gotten a ton of presents not only from her father and Cath but from the all guys as well. Everyone that is except the brunette.

The blonde groaned to herself as she remembered what an ass she had been. _'What's the rule? How long do I have to be here before I start kicking in for gifts?'_ Sara had only been with them a few months and the question on top of the frustration and uncertainty she's felt at Lindsey's determination not to have a party and Catherine had gone from zero to bitch in less than two seconds. _'When the spirit moves you, Sara. So, in your case, I guess, never.' _

If she hadn't been so wrapped up in herself she would have taken more notice of the flash of hurt in the younger woman's eyes, but she had been too self-absorbed to care. It was entirely possible the lanky brunette had asked not because she was trying to be a smart ass, but because she really had no idea. It was one more thing, one more cutting remark, Catherine had to make up for.

"I'd better go finish packing." Sara started to place the book back in its place on the shelf but then changed her mind. She wouldn't be returning to the apartment for some time and she didn't like the thought of leaving it behind. The simple children's book had become something like a security blanket for her over the years, a reminder of what she had accomplished because one person had seen something in her worth their time when her own parents hadn't.

Catherine watched the neglected and battered woman turn toward her bedroom, book clutched awkwardly against her chest. As Sara paused to gaze at her front door the blonde felt her heart lurch painfully against her chest. The brunette had taken the death of every one of Thomas' victims hard but watching Hankins die in front of her eyes had been particularly traumatic.

"She didn't react like this to the parking lot." Brass had been the one to tell the brunette about the other officer after her move to a private room. He hadn't wanted to add to her pain but she had a right to know and he'd wanted her to have as much time to prepare as possible. Catherine had been pretty pissed off at him but when he'd asked her if she'd rather Ecklie tell Sara when she gave her statement the blonde had agreed that it was better that it come from one of them.

"She didn't watch him kill Jensen, she didn't even know about him until a few days ago. I'm going to see if she's about ready to go." Catherine was still a little upset that the detective had told the brunette. He was right of course, it had to be done. She just wished she had been there when he'd done it. Sara had still been upset the next day and she had spent most of the morning just holding the younger woman's hand and trying to comfort her.

When she stepped into the brunette's bedroom, Catherine was once again shocked at the difference between what she had imagined Sara to be and the reality. With dark sienna walls, a burnished gold comforter draped across the large cherry wood bed and ivory candles of various shapes and sizes scattered around the room, it was sensual and sophisticated while still being cozy and comfortable. It seemed Ms. Sidle had a hidden talent. "Damn girl, you've been holding out on me."

As Sara's head snapped up with a confused frown on her face and Catherine waved her arm to indicate the room. "It's beautiful, the whole place is. I need to hire you to do my house. I still have the same boring beige walls as when I moved in."

"Uh thanks. You think you could give me hand closing this thing? I gave up folding as a lost cause and just threw everything in, but now I can't get it latched." Sara pointed at the overstuffed suitcase as she brushed off Catherine's comments about her apartment. Having people in her private space, poking around in her things, trying to dissect her, made her nervous. At least Brass had kept any thoughts about her décor to himself.

Cath decided to allow the deflection since Sara, who was usually a miser with personal information had just shared a very significant turning point in her life. The blonde moved in front of the brunette and began rearranging the clothes, smiling softly when a slightly tattered yellow book corner was reveled. "I could have done this for you from the beginning you know. I'm going to see it all when I do laundry anyway. That's what a good wife does isn't it?"

The glare she tried to shoot the older woman was completely ruined by the smile creeping onto Sara's face. "Yeah well you know me, stubborn to a fault. And for the record I can do my own laundry, dear."

"Oh we're back to that are we?" Catherine smiled back as she closed and latched the suitcase. "Well my house, my appliances, means I cook, clean and do the wash. At least until your cast comes off and then I'm going to put you to work."

"Hey you started it this time." Sara smirked at the blonde. She loved being able to tease and laugh with Catherine, it was something she had wanted ever since she had joined the team. Now that she had it she wondered where they would be now if they'd had this sort of relationship from the beginning.

Willows had to concede the younger woman's point. "Yeah yeah whatever. Come on, we should get going so you can get settled in before Lindsey gets home from school. You know she's going to be in your face the second she runs through the door."

As Sara followed Catherine into the living room she thought about how much she was looking forward to spending time with the younger Willows outside of the hospital. While they had started getting to know each other during her visits, the sterile environment tended to put a damper on the atmosphere. She knew once she was in Lindsey's natural habitat that the real girl in all her angsty teenage glory would be revealed.

When Sara turned toward the door she felt her entire body lock with fear. Intellectually she knew Michael Thomas was dead and there was no way he could be on the other side, but at that moment her heart and mind were at war. As Jim's hand turned the knob the breath in her lungs froze, and the chill spread outward until even her toes were turned to ice. The only warmth left in her body was concentrated in the ends of her fingers.

The brunette tore her eyes away from Brass' back and looked down. She was surprised to see Catherine's long elegant hand grasping hers. It was a little awkward because of the cast and the contact was minimal but at that second it was like she had been wrapped up securely in the blonde's arms. Sara's gaze traveled up the older woman's arm until she was snared by crystal blue eyes. The warmth she found there began to spread until her body thawed and she could move again, breath again, live again.

Catherine could see the waves of fear receding from the younger woman's liquid brown eyes as her body relaxed from its ramrod straight stance. She gripped Sara's fingers a little tighter and drew her forward. The blonde knew that the brunette was strong, that she had an inner core of pure steel, but right now it was brittle. All she needed was a little support until it had hardened again. She hoped that after this trip that could begin to happen and she would do all she could to help.

Sara kept her eyes locked with Catherine's until they reached the door. She paused for a second at the threshold and sent a silent apology to the officer that had died in that very spot, before letting the older woman pull her outside. She had done almost the same thing in the parking lot when they arrived, but since she had no idea of where Jensen had been when he died, it had been more generalized.

As Brass locked up behind her, the brunette felt a profound sense of relief. She knew the guilt she carried would never truly go away but she felt a little lighter having faced this particular ghost. She couldn't have done it without the woman still clutching her hand though and not for the first time she marveled at how much she was coming to depend on the fiery blonde. What was even more astounding was that it didn't make her feel weak to lean on someone else.

The trip down the stairs was quicker than the trip up had been and before Catherine knew it, Brass was putting the brunette's suitcase into the back of her Denali. "Are you coming to the house Jim?"

"No he's not." Sara answered for the detective before he could even open his mouth. "He's going home to get some sleep before his shift."

Jim smiled at the protective tone in the brunette's voice. Over the past week she had been on him to get more rest, even going so far as to try to make him take naps in the chair in her hospital room. "I guess I'm going home." He pulled Sara to him wrapping her gently in his arms and placing a kiss on her temple. "You need anything kiddo you call me, no matter what time it is."

"I will. Thanks, Dad." Sara leaned into him and returned the hug as best she could. It seemed that every time she used the honorary title it became a little less so. The more she said it, the more it solidified in her heart and mind that this man was a _real_ father to her.

Brass stepped back with a smile and handed his girl over to the blonde. He waited until Catherine had buckled Sara securely into the seat before he waved one last time and turned for his own car. He knew the brunette was in good hands.

Xxx

Grissom fumed as he watched the vehicles pull away. He had gone against his very nature for her, done something he found to be utterly repugnant, and this was the thanks he got. Of course Sara had no way of knowing that he'd gone to Ecklie to get her apartment released to crime scene cleanup before she had given her statement and the case had been closed. Remembering the smug look on the little bald weasel's face when he asked him for the favor was enough to make his crawl all over again.

No one had even bothered to tell him that Sara had been released from the hospital. He'd found out when he'd given up on trying to sleep and had called to get an update on her. Without a seconds thought he had driven over to her apartment desperate to see with his own eyes that she was well enough to go home, desperate just to see her at _all_, but still keep his promise to give her time and space.

So he'd parked across the street and waited to get even a glimpse of her. Imagine his surprise when Sara, Catherine and Brass had emerged from the building, suitcase in tow. Of course that paled in comparison to the astonishment he felt when the aging detective pulled the brunette into his body and kissed her.

It seemed the real reason Catherine had warned him off and that Sara didn't want to see him was because she had already replaced him. Why hadn't she just told him that? Why leave him hanging on, hoping that they could be together? Why did she want to hurt him like this? Was it because he had waited so long? Was she punishing him for his fear and indecisiveness?

A migraine the size of the northern hemisphere was forming behind his eyes at all the unanswered questions. Grissom knew if he didn't get home and take his medication soon, he wouldn't be able to function at all. Sara would have to wait until the chainsaw inside his head ran out of gas.

TBC

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a/n: I never went to kindergarten, The town I lived in at the time had less than 300 people and there just weren't enough kids for one. The point being I really have no idea what kids do in kindergarten, so I may have taken a few liberties with the curriculum. 


	24. Part 24

A/N: I know it has been forever since I updated. My sister has been ill and we were afraid it was cancer. Turns out she has Graves Disease. She still has to undergo radiation therapy and be on thyroid medicine the rest of her life but the good news is that it is a manageable illness. I've had to spend a lot time with my nephews though and its so hard to write when you have a five year old asking you questions every five seconds. I hope that things will return to some semblance of normal and I can get back into a routine. I just wanted you all to know that I haven't abandoned this fic and I thank you all for your wonderful reviews. Thanks, Kimmi

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Part 24

"Sara wake up, we're here." The sleeping woman mumbled something in reply but didn't come around completely. As adorable as Sara looked snoozing in the front seat of her truck, mouth slightly open and almost but not quite snoring, Catherine knew she couldn't let her stay there. She also couldn't carry the younger woman, so she was going to have to get her up one way or another.

The blonde got out of the truck and made her way around to the passenger side. As she opened the door, Catherine had to react fast as the brunette slumped and nearly tumbled out. She wrapped her arms around the slumbering woman and tried to hold her upright. "Sweetie you really need to wake up now, before I drop you."

The exhausted woman's only response was to snuggle into Cath's embrace and bury her face in the blonde's shoulder. Being lulled to sleep by the motion of the car after a long day of emotional and physical toil, it seemed the soft approach wasn't going to cut it. "Sara get up, you're late for work!"

Sara jerked her tired body upright and the blonde felt the loss of contact immediately. The brunette usually left anything physical up to the blonde to initiate, as if she was still afraid of how it might be taken, but when Catherine touched or kissed or hugged her, the younger woman always responded and returned the gesture with equal feeling. When Sidle acted first, even if it was an unconscious move, it was something to be prized.

Sara wasn't alert enough to speak it seemed as she tried unsuccessfully to force her eyes open, but Catherine did manage to get her on her feet. They stumbled their way into the house and somehow managed to negotiate the obstacles of furniture and Lindsey's rollerblades, which the blonde was sure she had told the girl to pick up two days ago. The semi-conscious woman was leaning heavily on her by the time they made it to the bedroom, which presented her with a new problem. Should she just let Sara sleep on top of the blankets, or try to prop the woman up long enough to turn them down?

The matter, it seemed, was decided for her as Catherine tried to get the younger woman to stand on her own and Sara swayed dangerously looking like a drunken sailor on a three day shore leave. She gently deposited the brunette on the bed and covered her with a spare blanket. The exhausted woman immediately slipped back into a deep sleep.

The blonde felt a bone deep weariness steal over her as she watched the years fade away from her friend's features. She looked so innocent, so vulnerable that the need Cath had been feeling to protect the wounded brunette all week surged forward hard, making her throat swell with emotion.

The blonde knew she needed to figure out what to make for dinner. What the hell did you feed a vegetarian anyway? Her mom and Lindsey would be home in a couple of hours, she had called before they left the hospital and asked her mother to pick up the girl because she didn't want to leave Sara by herself, or worse, alone with Lily. She needed to clean the house, wash the dishes, do laundry, but all she could think about was curling up beside the brunette and taking a nap.

After only a few seconds thought Catherine decided that everything else could wait. With a quick kiss to the brunette's forehead, the blonde settled in beside her and gently laid her arm across Sara's stomach. It had been so long since she had shared her bed with someone. She kept the men she dated away from her home and her daughter and when she went out with her boyfriends, she didn't stay the night. As her eyes drifted shut, Cath's last thoughts were about how much she had missed just snuggling with someone and how comfortable it felt with Sara.

Xxx

Catherine made shushing noises while she ran her fingers through her companion's dark brown locks. She had been torn from the murky depths of sleep by a sharp pain in her stomach to find a cast firmly planted in her midriff and Sara whimpering and flailing around in the grips of another nightmare. Over the last week the blonde had learned how to ease the brunette away from the terrors that stalked her unconscious mind without waking her most of the time.

As the younger woman's moans quieted and her body stilled, Willows thought that she had succeeded in chasing away Sara's demons for a little while. Then she caught sight of half-lidded chocolate orbs peering up at her. "Hey."

Sara had woken up to the delicious sensation on fingernails lightly scratching her scalp. It had taken her a minute to realize that she wasn't in the hospital and then another minute to figure out from pictures on the wall that she was in Catherine's bedroom, in Catherine's bed, with Catherine.

Old fantasies flooded her mind for a moment before she could effectively shove them back into the little box she kept them locked in. She didn't have a crush on the blonde anymore and those libidinous thoughts could only cause trouble for her and their new-found friendship. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

_Enjoy it while you can_ a little voice in her head told her. _It's been so long since anyone really cared about you, take what you can get it while you can get it._ The brunette knew that it was right, because once her injuries had healed it would be back to her empty apartment where there were no hugs when she felt the walls closing in on her. There would be no soothing hands when her nightmares trapped her in the past. There would be no kisses on her head just because she needed it.

Sara decided to take the advice. She'd rebuild her walls, reinforcing them with thick steel to protect herself from the cold once she left this sanctuary. She had time. At the moment though, she had a question she was itching to ask the blonde. "How did I get here?"

"I carried you." Catherine managed to get it out with a straight face but couldn't hold back a bark of laughter at the look of astonished disbelief on the younger woman's face. "What? You don't think I could pick your scrawny butt up?"

"Oh no I'm sure you can, you are woman hear you roar." Sara answered, enjoying the twinkle in the older woman's blue eyes. "But seriously, the last thing I remember is saying goodbye to Jim. How did you get me in the house? And why didn't you just dump me on the coach or something?"

Catherine stilled the hand in the brunette's hair so that she could prop herself up on her elbow and look Sara squarely in the eye. "You were pretty much sleepwalking. I managed to get you coherent enough to stand up but from that point on all you did was go in the direction I pushed you. The reason you're in my bed is pretty simple. One, you're too long for the couch or Lindsey's bed for matter. You're still healing and need to be in a proper bed. Two, my mother has the guest room and I didn't think you'd want to share with her."

Sara felt the heat of the blush rushing up her neck and across her cheeks. She turned her head in a vain attempt to hide it. There had been a few times when she had crashed that hard, but this was the first time she'd had a witness. "I'm sorry. Next time I'll make sure to only take a half of one of those pills."

The blonde reached over and gently gripped the embarrassed woman's chin. A slight pressure was all it took to get the brunette to face her once again. "Sara you don't have to apologize for being exhausted. I think the physical activity and the emotional wringer you put yourself through today had more to do with it than the pain meds. Now are you still tired or do you want to get up and we'll see what we can find for diner? My mom and Lindsey should be back," Catherine's eyes widened as she leaned up and looked at the clock, "a few hours ago actually, it's after six. I'm surprised they let us sleep."

Sara was a little astonished. She couldn't remember exactly what time they had left her apartment but as close as she could figure it, she had been out cold for about five hours. That was a more sleep than she usually got on one of her good days. "I'll get up and help you with dinner."

Catherine grinned at younger woman and rolled out of bed. "And what exactly were you planning on doing with two bum arms?"

"Well I could, um…" Sara hadn't really considered the logistics involved. Truth was there wasn't much she _could_ do. "Ok well I can watch you cook."

"I'm not sure how much vegetarian food we have in the house, but we should be able to find enough to feed you for tonight. You'll have to make me a list of what you eat and I'll go to the store tomorrow." When the brunette pushed the blanket aside Catherine started for the door but turned around immediately when she saw Sara was having trouble.

Sara frowned as she struggled to sit up. She wasn't nearly as sore as she had been but it was still a pain in the ass, and running up and down the stairs at her apartment hadn't helped at all. When she was finally able to swing her legs over the side of the bed, the brunette looked up and found the blonde watching her with concern. "It's okay, I'm just a little stiff. You know you don't have to go to any extra trouble for me. Whatever you have will be fine."

Catherine kneeled down and lightly placed her hands on the younger woman's knees. "It's no trouble. Sara I wanted you here so I could take care of you and part of that is feeding you. No one starves in my house Sidle, so don't even try to argue with me."

"Yes dear." Sara grinned down at the blonde. Arguing with Cath was the furthest thing from her mind and the last thing she wanted to do. At some point down the road they would most likely butt heads, they were both passionate women with strong opinions. But hopefully their new friendship would keep it from getting personal.

Catherine stood up and kissed the brunette on the top of her dark head. "Come on dork, let's get you fed."

The blonde could have sworn she heard the younger woman mumbling something about being a nerd not a dork as she led her through the house, but she chose to ignore her. A dork was nerd was a geek, they all described Sara, and Catherine wouldn't change it for anything. As they entered the kitchen with the brunette still grumbling good-naturedly they were greeted by the sight of her mother and daughter retrieving plates and glasses.

"Oh good, you're up. I was about to come wake you." Lily had to suppress a gasp when she caught sight of the woman with her daughter. When she had gone to check on them earlier, the brunette had been covered with a blanket and she hadn't been able to see the dark green and sickly yellow bruises covering her skin.

Before Catherine could say a word Lindsey squealed Sara's name at an ear bleeding volume and rushed the woman. The girl skidded to a stop in front of the brunette and carefully wrapped her arms around the lanky woman's slim hips. She watched with a grin as the two greeted each other before turning to make introductions. "Sara this is my mother Lily Flynn, Mom, Sara Sidle."

"We picked up a couple of pizzas. Lindsey said you didn't eat meat so I got a vegetarian one for you Sara." Lily turned back to the food, not wanting to look to closely at the brunette's mottled skin and other injuries. She understood now exactly how lucky Catherine had been to only have a slight concussion and a few stitches. The man that had taken them was obviously an animal if he could do so much damage to a young woman without thought.

"Thank you Ms. Flynn, I appreciate that." Sara could tell by the look on Catherine's face that she wasn't thrilled about the choice her mother had made for dinner. The brunette however didn't mind, it _wasn't_ hospital food. She gave Lindsey a little squeeze to thank her for remembering.

"Please, call me Lily and you are more than welcome. Why don't you all sit down and I'll bring the food out." She waved them in the direction of the dining room.

Linds grinned up at her tall friend. She was so happy that the brunette was there and that the weekend was just starting. They had two whole days to hang out without school getting in the way. "Come sit next to me Sara."

Dinner turned out to be interesting to say the least. Catherine was silent and broody while her mother seemed to be trying to look at anything but the brunette. If it hadn't been for Lindsey's thousand and one questions, Sara was sure that she would have been able to hear a pin drop.

Catherine's head snapped toward Sara as the brunette stuttered and tried to evade her daughter's last question. It was certainly a strange reaction to such a simple inquiry. "Come on Sara, quit stalling. It can't be that bad, can it? "

Sara shook her head as her cheeks flamed. Why the hell did the girl have to ask her that of all things?

"Ok, let me guess then. Gertrude? Eunice? Oh I know, Bertha. Give it up Sidle." Catherine smirked at the daggers Sara's eyes shot her way. In over five years, the subject of the brunette's middle name had never come up and the blonde was beginning to think that the younger woman might have engineered it that way.

She could tell there was no way either of the blondes were going to let it go. "If I tell you, you have to swear not to tell anyone else." Sara looked from one Willows to the other waiting for their nods of agreement. "Fine, my middle name is Moon Flower. Happy now?"

"What kind of name is that?" Lindsey looked away from the brunette towards her mom, whose entire body was shaking and her hand was covering her mouth as she tried not to laugh. The girl didn't think it was funny haha, just funny weird.

Sara sent her best death glare at her blonde colleague and barely controlled the urge to kick the woman under the table. "My parents liked to pretend they were hippies, Linds. My brother got stuck with Daniel Sunshine Sidle. In the sixties and seventies it was the thing to do if you ran a B&B outside of San Francisco and you had mostly hippies as quests."

Catherine finally got herself under control and leaned over to cover the brunette's hand with her own. "I'm sorry Sara it just took me totally by surprise. I never in a million years would have thought of _Moon Flower_. I promise though that no one will ever find out from me."

She wanted to stay mad at the blonde, she really did, but Sara had gotten use to that response and she really couldn't blame her. It was a stupid name. Maybe she should look into having it changed. "Yeah well I better not hear one whisper about it around the lab."

"Or what?" Catherine narrowed her eyes but couldn't wipe the smile off her face.

"I don't know yet, but it'll be so bad and so sneaky you'll never see it coming or know what hit you."

Lily watched the interaction between her daughter and the brunette with interest. Catherine had always been a tactile person. So it had really come as no surprise to her when Lindsey had mentioned the way her mother tended to kiss and hug Sara. What was surprising was the girl's reaction to it.

"_I think Mom and Sara like each other." _

_Lily looked up from the magazine she was reading. Lindsey had been quiet since she had her mother had returned from their latest visit with the injured woman. Now that Catherine was in the shower it seemed her granddaughter was ready to talk. "Of course they like each other. They're friends and they've been through something very horrible together." _

"_No I mean they **like** like each other." Lindsey had been watching the two for the last three days and at first she had been a little confused but after thinking about it she was sure she was right. _

"_What makes you believe that?" Lily didn't want to dismiss the girl out of hand even if she didn't think her theory was possible. _

"_Well, Mom is always kissing her head, touching her face, playing with her hair and holding her hand. Every time Mom walks in the room, even if she was only gone for a few minutes, Sara smiles. And they stare at each other a lot. It would be cool if they started dating, then I'd get to see Sara more." As she described her reasoning to her grandmother, Lindsey could see in her mind's eye the soft looks that passed between the two women. She had been a kid when her parents got divorced but she still remembered what it was like when they were around each other and it wasn't anything like the way her mom and the tall brunette acted. Plus Sara had saved her mom's life, had almost died doing it. You had to care about someone to do that, you had to care a lot. She loved her dad, but she wasn't sure if he would have done the same thing in the brunette's place._

Kids sometimes couldn't distinguish the difference between platonic affection and physical romantic love so Lily had tried to talk her granddaughter out of the idea but she was as stubborn as her mother. All she could do in the end was to get her to promise not to try to get the two together.

At the time she hadn't given much credence to the idea, but she also hadn't had the chance to see the two women together. They did seem close but so far she hadn't seen anything to suggest there was anything other than friendship between them. She'd keep an eye on them just in case.

Sara polished off her third slice of pizza and pushed her plate away. It wasn't the least bit healthy but had been extremely satisfying. Now there was just one thing she wanted. "Hey Cath can I borrow your shower?"

The blonde knew that the only reason the brunette had waited this long was because she had been unconscious. After the first sponge bath her fourth day in the hospital, Sara had vehemently refused to allow the nurse to give her another saying she'd rather smell like dead goat than go through that humiliation again. "Well I'd really like to let you, but I can't." Catherine tried to keep a straight face but the look of utter disbelief undid her. "Sara you can't get your cast or your stitches wet. You'll have to settle for a bath."

Sara hated baths. Just the thought of all the germs, bacteria and fungi that loved to grow in a tub was enough by itself to make her never want to sit in one. Then of course there was the fact that you had to sit in water that was full of the dirt, grime and sweat you were trying to wash off. "I can put a trash bag over the cast and my stitches come out in a couple of days so it won't hurt them."

"You know if you get an infection you'll probably have to go back into the hospital, right?" Catherine had heard all about Sara's aversion to baths. They'd had a lengthy discussion about it that ended with the blonde calling her mysophobic and the brunette glaring back until they both broke out in identical grins.

"But I want to wash my hair." Sara knew she was whining and that Catherine was right, but to her it felt like she had dipped her head in motor oil and she didn't know how the blonde could stand to touch it.

Catherine hated to see the forlorn look on the brunette's face. She got up and stepped behind Sara to wrap her arms around the younger woman. "Sweetie I know how independent you are and how frustrating it is for you not to be able to do everything you want, but you need to have a little patience. If you try to do too much too soon all you'll end up doing is making your recovery longer. Take a bath and we'll wash your hair in the sink. Okay?"

Sara leaned back into the blonde's warm embrace. "Yeah, okay."

It was the best solution, even if she didn't want it to be, Sara just hated being helpless. But since she couldn't even lift one arm over her head, and the cast on the other made it next to impossible to do anything with it, she had to accept it for a little while.

"You want bubbles?"

Xxx

"Are you okay? You were kind of quiet at dinner, until you found out about my name anyway." Sara leaned forward as the blonde washed her back, glad that she had let the older woman put bubbles in her bath. They at least afforded her a small amount of modesty. It had taken a lot more convincing to allow Catherine to help her wash than it had to actually get her in the tub.

"I'm fine. It's just … my mother." As Cath continued to gently rub small circles on the younger woman's skin with the soft soap covered cloth, she tried to ignore the intimacy of the situation and how much she enjoyed being allowed to care for the lanky brunette.

Sara's broad back wasn't nearly as bruised as the front of her body and she began to notice that some of the scars were much too old and faded to be the result of Thomas' handiwork. She wanted to ask the younger CSI about them, wanted to know the story behind each and every one, but the brutalized woman had new wounds that were still too fresh to bring up these reminders of her brutal past.

"I imagine it must hard. You've been on your own for a long time, living your own life, making your own decisions, setting your own rules. Having her suddenly living with you, randomly changing your routines, invading your space, treating you like you're still a kid instead of the adult you are? That has to be frustrating." Sara kept her eyes in the wall afraid that she might have overstepped. She'd had less than an hour to observe the two women together and she didn't want to make Catherine angry if she was off the mark.

Catherine's hand paused briefly in surprise. Sara had never struck her as someone particularly in tune with interpersonal relationships, she had always seemed to be on the outside looking in. But here she was hitting the nail directly and rather firmly on the head. "It is. Just look at tonight. She knows I don't want Linds to eat a lot of junk food, we normally only have pizza once or twice a month, and this is the second time this week. She lets her stay up too late, watching tv or talking on the phone. She gives in to things I never would. Don't even get me started on what she did to the house when she moved in! Let's just say I still haven't found my large skillet.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my mother and having her here to help with Lindsey is a godsend. My daughter gets to sleep in her own bed every night and I don't have to impose on my sister. But she ignores my rules when it suites her and acts like I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to raising my daughter. I…" Catherine stopped as she realized she was gearing up to a full blown rant. Sara didn't need to hear about her petty domestic problems when the brunette's home life had been a living hell.

"I'm sorry." Sara didn't know what else to say. She knew the blonde was under a lot of pressure in her new supervisor's position but she hadn't realized that things were so tense at home.

"No Sara I'm sorry. I'm going on and on about my mother when your's…"

"You have a mom that you love and loves you, you should never apologize for that just because of my situation. Of course that doesn't mean that she doesn't drive you crazy or that you don't have the right to bitch about it. I'm guessing you haven't gotten any of that off your chest and you need to. So feel free to piss and moan, rant and rave, the least I can do to listen after everything you've done for me. I can't ever thank you enough for sticking by me and holding my hand figuratively and literally but I can be a sounding board and a sympathetic ear when you need one." The brunette twisted as much as she could to face the other woman. Having Catherine's support meant more to her than she could ever express, and if the blonde needed to unload a little then Sara was determined to let her do that.

"Thank you sweetheart." The blonde doubted she would take the younger woman up on her offer even though the brunette was right. Just venting for a couple of minutes had made her feel a hell of a lot better. But Sara had enough to worry about without trying to shoulder Catherine's burdens too. That the battered woman was willing spoke volumes about what a beautiful soul she was. The blonde returned to her task and vowed that she would try to make Sara's recovery as easy and stress free as should could. It was the very least she deserved.

TBC


	25. Part 25

A/N: Thank you all for your well-wishes for my sister, it means a lot to me. Things are still a little crazed with the holidays coming up but I'm trying to carve out a little time to write. I hope you enjoy this next little bit. Thanks for sticking with me, Kimmi

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Part 25

"Hey Mom, can we watch a movie?"

Catherine's hand halted the brush's movement through the damp chestnut locks in front of her at her daughter's question. "I don't know Linds. It's kind of late."

"Please Mom? Tomorrow's Saturday and I'm not even close to being tired. Please?" Lindsey really didn't care about the movie. She just wanted to spend a little more time with both women since she'd barely seen them all day since they'd been asleep when she had gotten home from school.

The blonde considered it for a moment. She'd had such a long nap that afternoon and had slept so well that she was fully awake. There was someone else to consider though. "Do you feel up to a movie Sara?"

"I'm not really tired either. But do you mind if it's not scary, suspenseful, creepy or gory in any?" The long hot bath had sapped Sara's energy and she probably could fall right back to asleep, but she didn't want to. After waking up with the blonde the thought of trying to sleep on her own was extremely unappealing. But Catherine had precious little time to spend with her daughter as it was and the brunette felt selfish for monopolizing the blonde. Lindsey needed her mother, more than she did.

"You're not tired yet, but once you take your pain meds, you will be." As Catherine resumed the rhythmic stoking of Sara's hair the thought flitted across her mind that the brunette never wore her hair curly anymore. The blonde had liked the way the soft waves had framed the younger woman's face and she wondered briefly if she could talk her into wearing it that way again.

"I don't need one right now. I'm not really in that much pain." The pill they had given her at the hospital before she left had worn off and Sara didn't feel that great, but as long as she didn't move it was tolerable. When she did move, the dull ache enveloping her muscles became sharp splinters of pain that randomly stabbed at various points on her body.

"Sara there's no sense in being in _any_ pain if you don't have to and if you wait too long you're going to be in a lot of it while you wait for the meds to kick in." Catherine figured that 'not that much' was Sara-speak for she was hurting but just being difficult about taking her pills. They had gone through the very same thing at the hospital.

"It's really not that bad and I don't want to develop a dependency on them." Sara had never liked taking anything narcotic. Her mother had always seemed to have a prescription due to her many trips to the hospital. Laura would be high for days, ignoring everything in favor of the pain and mind numbing drugs, including her hungry child. And when her daughter had started to need her own pills to dull the aches of broken bones and battered muscles the woman had taken the pills for herself. It was just one more reminder of her past that she didn't want or need.

Catherine shook her head in annoyance. How could one person be so damn stubborn? "The prescription is for every four to six hours, you're way past that. I think you've proven that you don't _have_ to take them. But I can't stand seeing you in even the tiniest bit of pain Sara. So please just take it, for me?"

Oh now that was fighting dirty. How could she say no to that? How could she deny that soft watery look in the blonde's cerulean eyes? How could the ghost of her past compete with the angel in front of her? Because that was what the older woman had become to her, a guardian angel. Of course it didn't help at all that Lindsey was staring at her, arms crossed, in a damn good imitation of Catherine when her mother was losing her patience with a suspect who refused to cooperate. At two against one, the odds were not in her favor. "Ok but I'm only taking half of one."

"Hmm, we'll see. We can watch the movie in my room so you can lie down. Linds go get your pajamas on and Sara you go get comfortable while I go get the pill." Catherine didn't wait around to see if the brunette was going to argue.

By the time Cath made it back to her room laden down with bottles of water, popcorn and a movie, Sara and Lindsey were already in the bed. The small girl was snuggled up to the lanky brunette with her head pillowed on the woman's uninjured shoulder. Even though it had to be the most precious thing she'd ever seen, the blonde didn't want her daughter to accidentally hurt the lithe woman. "Come on Linds get up. Sara needs to take her medicine and you shouldn't be lying all over her like that."

"She's ok, she's not hurting me. I'll take the whole pill if you let her stay." Sara had never considered herself good with kids but with Lindsey it seemed like she didn't even have to try. The tiny blonde hadn't cared that the brunette was awkward and timid at first, she'd simply jumped right in and quickly wormed her way into Sidle's heart. It was so rare that someone accepted her so completely and she didn't want to discourage the girl in any way.

"Please Mom? I'm being really careful." Lindsey had been hesitant when she'd first come into her mother's room to find Sara already in the middle of the bed. But the tall brunette had patted the space beside her and that was all it took. When the woman was still in the hospital, Linds had often crawled up on the bed to sit beside her but she hadn't been allowed to do more than give her gentle hugs.

Catherine looked from one set of pleading eyes to the other. Well at least she didn't even have to try to convince Sara to take all of her meds. "All right but the second you feel any pain I want you to tell her to move."

The blonde waited for the brunette's nod before she popped the pill into her mouth and helped the younger woman take a drink of water to wash it down. She started the movie, the most innocuous and tame comedy they had, and went to change into her own sleepwear while the opening credits rolled.

When Catherine reentered the bedroom she had to reevaluate her earlier judgment of the most precious thing she'd ever seen. Sara was actually giggling as Linds fed her popcorn and made choo-choo noises. Now that was just too cute for words. "Hey, I hope you two saved me some."

"Nope. Sorry Mom but you took too long. Sara couldn't wait." Lindsey tried not to smile as she hid the bag behind her back.

"It's all her fault. She force fed me I swear. I didn't want to eat your popcorn but Lindsey said she'd tickle me if I didn't." Sara somehow managed to keep a straight face as she ratted out her accomplice. She had actually refused at first until the girl had started in with the whole train coming into the station thing.

"Uh huh. You both realize I don't believe a word of it right? Now hand it over."

Xxx

It had taken a little longer than she had estimated, but at about halfway through the movie Sara was out like a light. What surprised Catherine was the fact that her daughter was softly snoring right along with brunette. Perhaps Lindsey was still making up those hours of sleep she had lost while worrying about whether or not she was ever going to see her mother again.

The blonde had missed most of the movie herself as she had found the interaction between Sara and Linds to be much more entertaining. She had surreptitiously watched them from the corner of her eye as they laughed at the onscreen antics of the twenty-somthings playing teen-somethings. Now that they were both asleep though, she could study them at her leisure.

For some reason it seemed so natural to see her daughter's head cradled in the crook of Sara's arm and the brunette's pale cheek resting against Lindsey's golden halo of hair. The young CSI's face was relaxed in her repose, and the years had melted away from her face with the tiny smile playing on her lips. Gone was surly almost-teenager. Linds suddenly once again looked like her five-year old innocent angel, not the troubled girl touched by tragedy and loss at such a tender age.

Until last week she had never guessed that Sara and Lindsey had so much in common. The way they had taken to each other made Catherine realize that keeping their association to a minimum all these years had been a mistake. If she had allowed them more contact then the brunette might have been able to help ease Linds through the trauma of losing her dad in such a violent manner.

She'd make sure that they got to make up for lost time, but for now she had to get her daughter back to her own bed. Cath knew Sara would never intentionally hurt Lindsey, but with the brunette suffering from such vicious nightmares she could accidentally lash out in her sleep and injure them both.

It turned out to be more difficult than Catherine had thought it would be to separate the two sleepers. The second she tried to lift Lindsey off the brunette, Sara tightened her grip on the small body. She had to wait a minute for the woman to relax her hold before she could pick the girl up. As the blonde carried her daughter down the hall the nostalgia she had felt earlier wore off a little more with each step. Linds definitely wasn't five any more.

Catherine breathed a sigh of relief when she was finally able to lay the girl down. She tucked Lindsey in and brushed a soft kiss on top of her tousled head. It seemed she had miraculously completed the transfer without waking her daughter until she straightened up and met a pair of bright blue eyes half hidden by droopy lids. "Shhh go back to sleep baby."

"I really like Sara." Lindsey missed the woman's warmth. She had been a little confused when she woke up in her own bed but then she remembered that her mother hadn't wanted her lying on the brunette when they were awake so it shouldn't have been a surprise her mom had moved her.

The older blonde smiled down at her daughter and brushed a few errant strands of hair out of her cherubic face. "Me too."

"You should keep her."

"Honey, she's not a stray puppy that…" Catherine trailed off as she realized that her words were falling on deaf ears. Lindsey was already fast asleep again. She'd just have to wait until morning even though she was curious were her daughter had come up with that interesting notion.

Xxx

"What do we have?" Grissom kept his eyes riveted on a point just over the detective's shoulder. He didn't think he could look the other man in the eye after what he had witnessed earlier in the day outside Sara's apartment. His emotions were still too raw, to close to the surface to be trusted.

"Looks like a false alarm. Seems a couple of film students at UNLV are making a horror movie for their class. A concerned citizen saw them carrying the 'body' and called the cops." Brass shook his head. The one time someone decides to get involved it turns out to be perfectly innocent, typical.

"And you couldn't call and tell me that before I wasted my time coming out here? You should have checked to make sure there was an actual crime before you called CSI in. I have better things to do with my time than going on a wild goose chase." Gil turned his back on the other man and began walking back to his truck, not really caring what he had to say. All he could hear was Sara's voice whispering 'too late' in his ear over and over.

"Well I didn't call you, the first officer on the scene did. And since I just found out myself about the nature of the 'crime' two minutes ago, no I couldn't. Now you want to tell me which one of your bugs crawled up your ass?" Jim shot back as he rushed after his friend. They had known each other a long time and the detective could count on one hand the number of times the entomologist had raised his voice and snapped at him.

Grissom was forced to come to halt as Brass stepped in front of him and stopped. He didn't want to have a confrontation with the other man but it didn't seem like the detective was leaving him much choice. "I know about you and Sara."

Jim could hear a note of defeat tingeing the anger in the CSI's voice and it confused him. Why the hell would him taking a fatherly role in Sara's life piss the man off? With what Grissom knew about the brunette's past, he would think the graveyard supervisor would be happy about the change in their relationship. "Okay, and?"

"And?" Gil stepped into the detective's personal space, their faces only inches apart. "And how long has this been going on?"

Brass took in his friend's narrowed eyes and suddenly felt like he was on the wrong side of an interrogation table. "To some extent since she moved to Vegas. After she almost got the DUI she and I got closer, but it wasn't until we almost lost her that I realized it wasn't enough. Why do you have a problem this?"

"I have a problem with you taking advantage of her while she's so vulnerable. This is exactly what Catherine accused me of doing but she stood right there and let you kiss Sara. She didn't seem to have a problem with that, so it must be me that she doesn't want her with." For the life of him Grissom couldn't understand why the blonde approved of Brass but not him. It hurt more than he thought possible that Cath had told him to give Sara space but then had let the detective move right in on her.

A dark red cloud descended over the detective's eyes at the accusation. Now Jim knew why Gil was acting that way. Jealousy. There was a little green eyed monster of a monkey on the CSI's back and it looked like it had dug its fingers in deep.

The homicide detective took a step back and drew in a deep breath. He didn't want to do something that they would both regret later. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, because if I had, you'd have a broken jaw right now. Mine and Sara's relationship is none of your business but that kiss you saw wasn't what you think it is. Of course the fact that you saw it at all means you were lurking around her apartment building. What are you stalking her now?"

"Sara is my business, I've know her a hell of lot longer than you have, and I know what I saw." Gil chose to ignore the last question. As far as he was concerned what he had witnessed was far more important than why he had seen it.

"What is this, some kind of schoolyard game of 'I saw her first'? You're the one that decided that the risk wasn't worth it. I was in the room when you confronted Lurie during the Marlin case. You didn't have the courage to take what had been offered to you, even though you wanted it, and now you don't want anyone else to have her either. You're a coward and selfish bastard. You don't deserve her." As Brass turned and walked away he felt a tiny twitch of guilt but it was overshadowed by anger. He could have told the man the truth and put his mind at ease, but as far as he was concerned, Grissom had it coming.

The CSI watched, slack-jawed, as the detective peeled away from the scene. He hated to admit it, but Jim was right. He didn't deserve Sara. But that didn't stop him from wanting her. And it wasn't going to stop him from fighting for her. He'd just have to go see her for himself, present his case and get down on his knees if that was what it took to convince her to give him a chance.

TBC


	26. Part 26

A/N: Ok I admit that I don't like Grissom. I'd almost go so far as to say I almost hate him. He severely gets on my nerves and is my least favorite character. I even like Hodges more than Grissom. That said, after this chapter I will cut him a small break. Maybe. Thanks to everyone sticking with me through this story and keeping my spirits up.

* * *

Part 26

"Lindsey, why aren't you at school?" Grissom tried to smile down at the small blonde as she stood in the open doorway in her pajamas but he was afraid it came out as more of a grimace. He had thought he had waited until it was late enough that she would be gone and Sara would be awake.

Lindsey stared at her mom's former boss for a moment, trying to figure out if he was serious. As he gazed back at her waiting for an answer, she figured he must be. "It's Saturday."

"Oh, well do you know if Sara is up yet? I need to talk to her." He had completely lost track of the days. It wasn't the first time it had happened and sadly it probably wouldn't be the last.

"Her and Mom are in the kitchen fighting." The tiny blonde stepped back to so the man could enter and pointed toward were the two women were.

Stepping past the child and into the foyer Grissom could hear the swing shift supervisor's voice echoing through the house followed swiftly by brunette CSI's exasperated reply.

"Why are you being so stubborn? I thought we settled this last night?"

"We did, until I started making out this list and realized how expensive some of this stuff is. And just for the record, you're the one being stubborn, not me."

Sara rolled her eyes as the blonde threw her hands in the air. It was clear that neither one of them wanted to admit defeat. It was also the most ridiculous argument they'd ever had. "I can't dress myself or even bathe myself, the least you could let me do is pay for my own food. I would've had to do that anyway if none of this had happened. You have Lindsey to think about, you should be spending that money on her. Besides, I'm not the type of woman to be kept."

Catherine stared at the smirk on the lanky woman's face for a second before letting out a bark of laughter. "Alright fine, you win. I'll get the money from your account but you are not coming with me and that is final."

Sara started to gear up to continue to plead her case on that point but a shadow lurking in the doorway stopped her cold. "Grissom, what are you doing here?"

The entomologist cast a quick glance at Catherine but quickly turned his attention to the brunette to avoid the daggers in the blonde's eyes. "I need to talk to you Sara."

"Gil you promised." Catherine quickly stepped in front of the brunette to shield her from the entomologist. He'd obviously chosen to ignore her warning about hiding his body and she was about to show him what a mistake that was.

Sara peered around the irate blonde at her boss and winced at the pain on his face. He looked exhausted, clothes rumpled, dark shadows smudged under his washed out blue eyes that were normally so vivid and alive, his face pallid and drawn. She couldn't help but feel sorry for him, it was clear he was suffering. It was time to do for him what he had never had the guts to do for her.

The brunette grasped the slim hips in front of her and gently guided the blonde out of the way. "It's okay Cath. Grissom go in the living room and I'll be there in a minute."

Catherine scowled as she caught the look of relief on the man's face as he nodded and shuffled out of the room without even a glance in her direction. Turing back to the younger woman her look softened to one of concern as when she saw how worried Sara was. "If you're not sure about this just say so and I'll get rid him."

"I'm sure that even though I don't want to do this, I have to." Sara knew the coming conversation wasn't going to pleasant but putting it off would only make it harder, on both of them.

Catherine reached up and cupped the brunette's face. "You don't have to anything you don't want to."

Sara leaned into the touch and wished she could just hide in the kitchen with the blonde. "I need to do this. You saw him, he's in pain. He needs to move on and he can't do that until I tell him to."

The older woman had a feeling that Sara needed to it so that she could move on as well. "Do you want me to go in with you?"

Sara considered the offer for a moment but knew that it would only make the situation even more tense then it already was. "No, but if you could stay close by that'd be good."

"I'll be right here." Catherine voice was a little rough as she brushed her thumb over the pale cheek under her hand. It might seem like such a simple thing to most people but she knew how hard it was for Sara to ask.

Sara nodded and forced herself away from the blonde. The stiffness of her battered body made the short trip to the living room seem much longer than the thirty or forty feet it truly was. As she entered the room her eyes were drawn immediately to her boss standing pensively at the window, wringing his hands together. It was hard to reconcile this image with the stoical figure he normally presented.

Grissom turned at the sound of creaking leather and rushed to the brunette's side as she eased into the corner of the large couch. "Are you okay? Maybe this isn't this best environment for you to recover in. If you and Catherine are already fighting it can't be healthy. I'd be happy to…

"Stop." Sara quickly cut the man off. "This is exactly where I need to be and we weren't fighting, we were having a small disagreement. It's going to happen. We're both strong opinionated women and we're not going to see eye to eye on a lot of things, but it's not like it was before. Now can we just stick to the reason you're here?" The brunette inwardly winced at the anger in her voice and the slightly hurt look on the man's face. She didn't mean to get defensive but just his mere presence was putting her on edge.

Gil took a deep breath and tried to gather his thoughts. He hadn't really planned on what he was going to say and he hated winging it, but all night he'd felt his chance with her slipping further and further away. "I know my fear of getting involved with you has caused you a lot of pain, and you will never know how sorry I am for that. But if you let me, I'd like to spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you."

Sara hated that hopeful little smile playing on his lips and fought the urge to wipe it off. He really thought he could just waltz in, say a few pretty words and she'd just fall into his arms. "No. I'm sorry you finally figured out what to do about _this_ and I'm sorry you finally think I'm worth the risk because it's too late. It has been for a while now."

"If this is about Brass, surely the two of haven't been involved long enough for any real feelings to develop. I know you love me Sara, just give me another chance. Please?" Grissom knew how loyal the brunette was. If she felt like she'd made any kind of commitment to the detective it would take a lot to wear her down.

"Ok first of all I don't know what the hell you're talking about. What does Jim have to do with this? And second, _another_ chance? God Griss, you've had eight years worth of chances! How many is one person supposed to get? How long was I supposed to wait around hoping you'd pull your head out of your ass?" Sara had lost track over the years of just how many times she'd practically thrown herself at the man. How many times had he acted like he cared about her, wanted her, only to turn right back around and act like he'd never said or done anything? Too many.

The stocky man narrowed his eyes at the bruised woman. Why was she denying it? Was she trying to protect the homicide detective? "Oh come on, I know that the two of you are seeing one another. I saw the two of you kissing yesterday and when I confronted him he didn't deny it, he just told me it wasn't any of business."

"I'm not even going to get into why you were spying on us because I really don't want to hear your reasons. As for the kiss, you're one of top investigators in the country and should know better than to jump to conclusions." Sara held up her hand when the entomologist opened his mouth to interrupt her.

"Jim was right it's none of your business, but I'm going to tell you because I don't want any misunderstandings here. Our relationship is purely paternal. Yes he kissed me, on the forehead, the way a dad would. He's been quietly looking out for me for a while now and when I was in the hospital he came to me and told me that it wasn't enough for him anymore. He wants to take a more active role as a father figure to me and I want to let him. I've never had that. I'm not seeing _anyone_. Now, the only reason I'm telling you this is so that you understand that what I'm about to say has nothing to do with anyone but me. It really is too late."

"But since you're not romantically involved why can't you give us a chance?" The fact that Brass was not competition for Sara's affections was a huge weight of his shoulders but it only served to confuse Gil even more.

Sara shook her head. He wasn't listening and was going to force her to lay it all out for him. Why couldn't he just take no for an answer? "Because I'm not _in_ love with you. I'm not even sure I ever really was. Certainly I respected you, admired you, aspired to be like you and had a huge case of hero worship. You took an interest in me, in my mind, in what I had to say. After that seminar we met at, you called me to talk about cases, to ask my opinion, treated me as an equal. No one had ever done that before and I mistook the feelings that created as love.

You know you did us both a favor by turning me down when I asked you out. It never would have worked. You're married to your work and even though I'm a workaholic myself, I want more than that. I want to stop working overtime because I can't stand to be away from someone for one second longer than I have to be. I want someone who doesn't even have to think about touching me, they just do it because they want to not because they think it's expected of them. I want someone that doesn't let the risks of being with me deter them. I want someone that will tell me what they're feeling and will push me to tell them. I want candlelit dinners and lazy Saturday afternoons in bed and cuddling on the couch not watching stupid movies because we're more interested in each other. I want to be the center of someone's universe and I want them to be the center of mine."

"And you don't think we could have that, that I could give you that." Grissom finished the unspoken thought for her. He wanted to tell her that he _could_ do all those things for her, _be_ all those things for her, but he was a realist. He'd had nearly half a century to get to know himself and he knew that wasn't him.

"I think you'd try for a while but in the end you'd just end up resenting me for asking it of you, for taking you away from your work. I'm not trying to hurt you Gris, I just don't want to give you false hope that there's any kind of a future for us. I want you to be able to move on." The graveyard supervisor suddenly looked so small, that Sara had to resist the urge to reach out to him. She didn't want to send him the same kind of mixed signals she'd often found herself reading too much into.

Gil searched the mahogany eyes that were regarding him intensely. He found sadness, compassion, and worry but not a hint of what he wanted to see there. Love. There wasn't even a hint of it. It really was too late and he was the only one to blame. "How do I do that? How do I stop these feelings now that I've finally admitted them to myself?"

"I don't know but I hope you figure it out. I'd really like to have my friend back." Now that he understood where she was coming from, Sara hoped that they could eventually return to relationship they'd had before she'd come to Vegas, the one she thought they were getting back to before all this had happened.

Grissom knew that if he couldn't do as she asked that he was going to lose her completely. He couldn't allow that. It was better to have her as just a friend than not at all, because not having her in his life was completely unacceptable. "I don't want to hurt you anymore, I've done to much of that in the past, so I promise you that I'll do whatever it takes to get past this."

Sara reached out and patted his hand, still hesitant to take it in her own, but wanting to offer him something. "Thank you. Now you should probably go home and get some rest. You look like crap."

"I haven't slept much lately and I think I'm still wearing the same clothes I put on two days ago." Grissom gave the younger woman a self-conscious little smile.

"Two days huh? I guess that would explain it. Please don't take this personally but I'm going to suggest that the first thing you do when you get home is take a shower." She had ignored the odor wafting off the entomologist at first because she wanted to concentrate on the task at hand but now that things were settled between them, Sara couldn't disregard the ripe aroma anymore.

"Are you trying to tell me I stink?" Gil suddenly realized that his personal hygiene wasn't the only thing he had been neglecting. He couldn't remember the last time he'd sat down and ate a real meal or had a decent nights sleep. He'd spent so much of his time thinking and worrying about Sara that he had stopped taking care of himself.

"I wasn't going to just come right out and say it like that but yeah, you smell." Sara smiled at the stocky man to take the sting out of her words.

"Well I guess I should get home and take that shower then." Grissom rose shakily to his feet and started towards the front door but stopped and turned uncertainly back to the brunette. "I'll call you in a day or two to see how you're doing, if that's all right with you?"

"That would be nice." The brunette watched her friend as he shuffled out the door and let out a sigh. That had been harder than she had thought it was going to be but it had to be done. She couldn't let him go on hoping. Now he wouldn't try to dissect everything she said, interpret every touch or gesture, now he could move on with his life.

Sara was still staring at the door when she felt a nudge on her shoulder and looked up into a pair of soft blue eyes. The blonde waved her over and she scooted down the couch wondering for a second why the older woman hadn't just taken a seat on the other side. Then a pair of strong thin arms wrapped around her torso and she was pulled back into Catherine's warm pliant body. She let herself sink into the embrace, enjoying the sense of safety and comfort it provided.

"You ok?" Catherine knew eavesdropping was wrong, but she had wanted to be close in case things got out of hand and couldn't help but hear most of what was said. She couldn't believe the audacity Gil had, thinking Sara would still be waiting for him after all this time. He was such a damn… man.

Sara snuggled closer to her friend, letting the heat from the supple body seep into her back. "Yeah, I think so. I really didn't want to hurt him."

"He should've waited until you were ready and came to him, like he promised me he would." Even though she knew her old friend was in pain, Catherine couldn't help but feel a little angry with him. He wasn't the one that had been tortured and almost died, yet he only thought of himself.

"I don't think he could have waited much longer Cath. You saw him, it was eating him alive. He needed a definitive answer and even though it wasn't the one he wanted now he has closure and can move on. He couldn't do that for me. I had to overhear him tell a murder suspect that he couldn't risk his career for me. That hurt me and for a while I wanted him to know how I felt, but I couldn't stand to see the pain in his eyes. Because even though I'm not _in_ love with Grissom I do still care deeply about him and I always will." Sara didn't want the blonde to harbor any ill will toward the entomologist. The two of them had been friends much to long for something like this to come between them.

"You know you're amazing, right?" Catherine doubted that she would have done the same thing had she been in Sara's shoes. No, payback would have been the foremost thing in her mind.

"Umm, not really no." She didn't know what had inspired the praise but Sara was pretty sure it wasn't warranted.

Catherine shook her head. That was typical Sara. "Sweetheart, you put everyone before yourself. You saved my life twice even though you were in incredible pain. After you had that flashback in the hospital your first thought was for Linds because you didn't want to frighten her. Now you're looking after Gil even though he doesn't deserve it. And that's just this week. You are a rare and precious person Sara Sidle."

The brunette could feel the blush racing up her neck and engulfing her face as Catherine leaned up and kissed the side of her head. Receiving accolades from anyone was rare for Sara and usually made her uncomfortable because she almost always questioned the sincerity of it, but coming from the blonde it left her with a feeling of fullness that she'd never experienced before. She found she really liked that feeling.

"Do you still want to go to the grocery store with me?" Catherine could tell that Sara was embarrassed, from her position she could barely see the brunette's profile but the flush on the younger woman's face was brighter than a neon sign. So she decided to have mercy on her and change the subject. When she had originally told the injured woman she didn't want her going out, it was because she was concerned the bull-headed woman would over do it. Now she really didn't want to let Sara out of her sight.

"Yeah, but not right now. I'd really like to stay here for a little while if that's okay?" Sara did want to go out. She'd been held in a tiny room for days and then cooped up in the hospital until she felt herself going stir-crazy but at the moment she was just too comfortable to even think about moving.

"It's more than okay." Catherine softly told the brunette as she settled them further into the deep cushions and tightened her embrace.

Lindsey quietly crept out of her hiding place and snuck down the hall to her room with a smile on her face from the sight of the two women cuddled up together on the couch. From the second she had followed her mother's former boss into the kitchen she had known that sooner or later she would be exiled to her room because she was a kid and this was adult business, or at least that was her mom's usual excuse for never letting her stick around for the good stuff. So she had taken the initiative and found a place where she could hear what was going on. And boy did she get an earful.

The girl had thought Mr. Grissom was strange before, now she thought he was just plain stupid. She was twelve and she could see that anyone would have to be nuts not to want to be with Sara. The brunette was brave, smart, beautiful, caring, shy and funny in a weird sort of way. Lindsey wanted to kick the man for hurting the lanky woman but was consoled with the thought that her mom was there to make it better.

Now she just had to figure out a way to get the two women to realize that they were perfect for each other without breaking her promise to her grandmother.

TBC


	27. Part 27

A/N: I know it's been a while since I updated, but all the family drama has given me massive writer's block. Once these people are out of my house I hope my muse will come out from under the bed where she's been hiding. On another note: saw Daddy's Little Girl last night and all I can say is Go Sara! Her line 'I guess some people just shouldn't be together' and the look on Grissom's face, had me doing a happy dance. I even rewound it and watched it again. It was almost worth the three weeks of reruns that I suffered through, almost. Thanks once again to everyone that has reviewed this story, sorry if this part isn't up to snuff. I'll try to do better on the next one.

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Part 27

Catherine ran her hand over the younger woman's dark chestnut locks, one last bit of contact before she was forced to leave Sara to face the wolves alone. "We'll be right outside if you need us."

The brunette looked up at Catherine and gave her a weak smile. Sara wished that the blonde or Brass were allowed to stay with her but since they were both involved they couldn't. The two of them had coached her all morning, right up until they had pulled into the parking lot. Yes or no, don't elaborate unless asked. Keep it simple. Don't volunteer information, they don't want or need to know the details of her personal life. It wasn't the Spanish Inquisition, just something that had to be done for procedures sake. And none of that made it any easier because she was still afraid she was going to slip up and say something neither she nor Cath wanted on the record.

As her friends exited the two officers settled themselves behind the large oak desk. Sara took a deep breath to try to calm her nerves. She didn't want, maybe couldn't afford, to look weak in front of these men. If either of them sensed she wasn't being truthful, that she was hiding something, the consequences could be catastrophic.

"Ms. Sidle before we get started I would like to offer the department's deepest sympathies for what happened to you. As much leave time as you need will be made available to you, full benefits of course. Your job will be right here waiting for you." Brian Mobley was still doing damage control over the entire fiasco. Two cops dead, two CSI's abducted from under their noses, it was a PR nightmare. So far they'd been able to keep most of the details out of press which was good, but if the woman across from him decided to sue everything would come out and his chances for reelection would pretty much be in the toilet.

"My name is Keith Toler, Ms. Sidle. I'm a lieutenant with Internal Affairs. This is really just a formality. From statements taken from Captain Brass and Catherine Willows and forensic evidence gathered at the scenes we already know a good deal of what happened. All we need is for you to fill in the holes." The short blonde man didn't really agree with how the whole case was being handled, two officers and a suspect were dead, someone should be held at least partly responsible. But word had come down from the top of the political food chain and he knew for the sake of his career that it was better not to question.

"Before we officially get started would you care for anything? Water? Coffee?" Brian tried to put the obviously uncomfortable woman at ease.

"Uh, no thank you." Sara still wasn't sure why they were being so solicitous but decided to go with Brass's explanation that they just want to sweep the entire thing under the rug as quickly as possible.

Toler placed a portable tape recorder on the tabled and glanced at the room's other two occupants before pressing the button. "This is Lieutenant Keith Toler IAB along with Sheriff Brian Mobley, interviewing CSI3 Sara Sidle."

In the back of Sara's mind, she heard the IAB cop giving the date, time, file number and brief synopsis of the case but her focus was on the tiny wheel turning inside the recorder. She despised lying and here she was about to do it on tape. Her words were going to be magnetically encoded onto a thin plastic strip coated with ferric oxide powder. Later it would be transcribed and entered into a computer where it would be saved to a hard drive. Maybe not an indelible record of her duplicity, but it was damn close. Could she live with that? A lie of omission was still a lie. But did she have a choice at this point? As much as she hated lying, she hated breaking promises more. And she had made a promise to Catherine and Jim.

"Miss Sidle lets begin with Officer Hankins death."

Sara snapped back to the present and swallowed the bile threatening to slide up her throat. As she opened her mouth she caught sight of a small figurine and felt her nerves settle a bit. The little bear was a perfect avatar for the man that normally sat behind the desk. Jim Brass was a papa bear if ever she had seen one, to her at least, and seeing this representation of him was almost like having the burley detective there with her. "I'm not really sure what time it was, but I think it was close to four when…"

Xxx

"Do you think she's okay?" Catherine's eyes were locked on the glass door to the homicide captain's office. Sara's interview had only started five minutes ago, and the blonde was already fighting the desire to pace the floor or rush back into the room.

Jim reached up and lightly patted the woman's shoulder. He knew exactly how she was feeling. "I think she'll be fine. But if she's not, she's got both of us to help her. At least I got them to agree to do the interview in my office instead of one of the interview rooms. Sara's familiar with it and it's not anywhere near as intimidating as sitting on the wrong side of an interrogation table."

"Yeah but why call her in here on Sunday? Why couldn't they at least give her another day and do this tomorrow?" Cath knew that the only reason they had agreed to wait as long as they had was because she had raised a stink. She was lucky they hadn't called the brunette down there the second she stepped out of the hospital.

The detective gave the blonde a grin. He loved how protective she was of Sara these days. "Look at it this way. When was the last time you saw Ecklie come in on the weekend for anything other than a chance to kiss ass or to prove what a good little toady he is?"

Catherine had to smile at that. At least Sara would be spared having to deal with that sanctimonious little weasel. "And let me guess, someone conveniently forgot to tell him her interview was today?"

"Damn, I knew there was something else I was supposed to do. Oh well, I guess he'll just have to read the report."

Xxx

"What the hell is taking so long?" Catherine was sure she had worn a rut in the plain tile floor outside the detective's office.

"Relax Cath, these things take time." The truth was Brass was getting a little nervous himself, but he wanted to keep the blonde as calm as possible.

"They've been in there over an hour! Don't they understand how hard it is to have to relive everything that happened?" It had to be a hundred times worse for Sara than it had been for her and every minute that went by added to the CSI's worry. It was taking everything Catherine had not to march into that room and pull the brunette out of there.

"A lot happened to her, it's going to take a while to go through it all. But you need to calm down because you are not going to be any good to her when she comes out of there if you're upset. Why don't we go grab a cup of bad coffee while we're waiting?" Jim hated that Sara had to go through this but she didn't have a choice.

"No I told her we'd be right here and I'm not leaving." Catherine leaned against the far wall and tried to get herself under control. Brass was right, Sara didn't need to see her scared and nervous, she needed her to be strong.

Xxx

"Thank you Ms. Sidle, we know this was difficult and we appreciate your cooperation." Lt. Toler nodded to the woman as he stood. Now that he really understood what had happened, in graphic detail, he was more than happy to write this case off and bury it in the darkest corner in the LVPD basement that he could find.

"I want you to know that all the department's resources are at your disposal. Whatever you need will be made available to you." Sheriff Mobley rose to stand next to the IAB officer. "Would you like some help out?"

"Oh no, thank you. I think I'm just going to sit here for a few minutes." Sara watched the two men leave with detachment. She was surprised that it was over so quickly. Then again she couldn't remember most of the interview so her sense of time might be a little off.

The beginning had been as horrible as she had feared. All the terror, all the pain, had come rushing at her like an enraged bull charging a matador. Even knowing Catherine and Jim were outside, even seeing that tiny figurine on the detective's desk that had given her strength at first, hadn't helped once she had actually started talking and describing everything she had suffered. But it soon changed.

She didn't know when it started, hadn't noticed the slow withdrawal, but at some point Sara's mind had simply left her body even as words continued to pour out of her mouth. It was almost like the defense mechanism she had used as a small child when she would lose herself in her head to escape the pain or the fighting.

The brunette had been vaguely aware of herself. It was like she was floating outside herself, an ethereal being, able to see pale images around her but not hear or feel. She was smoke, and nothing could touch her. But now she had rematerialized and every last lingering ache of her battered body was returning. Her mind however was still numb and Sara was suddenly very tired.

Xxx

As Brian Mobley shook the IAB officer's hand and bade him goodbye he noticed the two obviously concerned people hovering just at the edge of what would be considered an appropriate distance from a private conversation. He waited until the blonde man turned and walked away before he addressed the woman. "Catherine, I understand that Miss Sidle is staying with you?"

The blonde silently cursed the sheriff's sudden need to make small talk. Catherine had no interest in chatting with him, she just wanted to get to Sara and make sure the brunette was all right. "She can't stay by herself right now and since I'm on medical leave as well I thought it best."

"Good, that's good. If she hasn't already, I think you should convince her to start counseling as soon as possible. Sidle has one of the best solve rates in the department and I'd hate to lose her." The brunette's almost mechanical answers had concerned him. He hadn't had much contact with Sara, and when he did she had always seemed to be on the periphery, the entomologist and the new swing-shift supervisor always taking the spotlight. Mobley had been a little surprised to learn that the brunette was second only to Gil Grissom when it came to successfully closing cases.

This debacle had given Brian the opportunity to study Sara's file in depth. While she had a few disciplinary actions in her jacket, no more than most and less than some, she was a dedicated investigator that went the extra mile to solve her cases. As her overtime every month clearly attested to. You didn't just let people like that go if there was anything you could do to keep them.

"We both have appointments with the department psychologist this week." Catherine confided absently as she edged toward the open office door.

"Excellent. I'm glad you're looking out for her and yourself. Now if you'll excuse me I have another meeting I need to get to."

Catherine didn't bother to acknowledge his farewell or the fact that he hadn't waited for her or Brass to respond, she was already halfway across the hall. Something about the way he had mentioned therapy for Sara had set her on edge. As she entered the office the sight that greeted her caught the blonde by surprise. The lanky brunette wasn't crying or shaking, she was simply slumped in her chair, starring off into space. She came around the younger woman and knelt down so that she was at eye level with her. "Sara are you okay?"

"Fine, I'm fine. It went better than I thought it would." She didn't remember most of the session, but given how it ended it must have gone well.

"Are you sure kiddo? You look a little pale." Jim kept his voice as soft. He didn't like the pallor of the brunette's face or the slightly hollow look in her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm good but I'd like to go home now. I'm kind of tired." Sara shifted her gaze between her two friends. She could see the worry in their eyes and hated the fact that she had put it there, yet again. But she had no way to explain to them what had happened without sounding a little crazy. How do you tell someone that you became a ghost for a little while without them calling the nice men in white coats to come take you away?

Catherine stood and moved to the brunette's side and the detective mirrored her actions. Together they helped the woman up and out of the building. After getting Sara into the back seat of Brass's non-descript sedan, the blonde climbed in and pulled the younger woman close to her body. She wasn't sure what to do, there were no tears to dry, no tremors to sooth, no obvious fears to chase away, nothing to do but hold the disturbingly quite woman and hope it was enough.

Xxx

Catherine glanced over at the brunette, still surprised at the serene expression on her face. The moment they walked into the house something in the younger woman seemed to awaken, to come back to life. Now Sara was sitting on the sofa with her daughter watching some stupid show on MTV, smiling down at the girl snuggled up to her side. She had tried to put the lanky woman to bed when they returned but the second Lindsey had come barreling into the room, the brunette claimed she was feeling fine and let the youngest Willows drag her into the living room barely taking the time to say goodbye to Jim as he left to get some sleep before his shift.

From the corner of her eye, Sara watched the older woman watch her. She could tell Cath was confused by the sudden turnaround but to her it was so simple. Halfway back to the blonde's house, she realized she had asked to be taken home and she hadn't been referring to her apartment. She had spent the rest of the ride thinking about what that might mean but it really only became clear when she stepped through the front door.

In two days Catherine's house had come to feel more like a home than her small apartment ever had. It had quickly become a sanctuary, a refuge. But it wasn't the building that made her feel that way, it was the people within it. For the first time in what seemed forever she felt like someone genuinely cared about her, like she almost had a family that wanted her. It was a heady feeling for someone who had been denied that most of her life and she didn't want to miss a second of it.

"Lindsey have you finished your homework yet?" The day was half gone and Catherine didn't want the girl to have to rush to get it done before bed. She also wanted a few minutes to talk to Sara without a pair of sharp little ears listing in.

"Do I have to? I don't have that much and another episode is coming on." Lindsey really didn't care about the show. She just didn't want to give up her spot next to the lanky brunette.

"Yes you have to. Now go." Catherine turned the mom voice on her daughter, letting her know that she wasn't in the mood to argue.

Lindsey didn't bother to try to plead her case. She knew it was useless when her mother used that tone. After a quick kiss to Sara's cheek she stomped off to her room leaving the two women alone.

Catherine waited until she heard the girl's door slam before she took the place her daughter had vacated. "Sara, are you sure you're all right? When we left PD you seemed so out of it and now your sitting here laughing and cutting up with Linds."

The brunette reached over and took the blonde's hand, entwining their fingers. "During the interview I sort of blanked out. I'm not really sure what I said in there because it's mostly a blur, but from the way the sheriff and the guy from IAB acted when they left I'm pretty sure it went okay. They didn't fire me on the spot anyway." She didn't want Catherine to worry about her but she wasn't sure she could adequately describe what had happened. So Sara had to settle for the simplified version.

"They're not going to either. Mobley wanted to make sure that you had set up counseling sessions because he didn't want to lose such a valuable asset to the lab. He's very impressed with your solve rate by the way." Catherine thought it was a little dehumanizing, to be thought of only as a set of statistics and not a person but she also understood it from a management point of view.

"He looked that up?" The brunette shook her head. It wasn't really that important, all that mattered was that she wasn't going to lose her job. "You know I've always hated shrinks, especially when I was a kid. How can they tell you how you're supposed to feel about something that they've never experienced, never lived through? The only times I've ever gone to one was because I was forced. And I really don't want to go now but I will because I want to go back to work. I want my life back and that's the only way to do it."

Sara vividly remembered the first psychiatrist she'd had to see after her father's death. The beady-eyed little bald man had been clueless and condescending and after the second visit she'd refused to go back and no matter how much her social worker and foster parents had insisted, and later threatened, nothing could persuade her to change her mind.

Catherine turned to face the younger woman. It seemed that Sara had purposely skipped over part of her original question and she didn't want her to evade it again. "Okay, I can understand all that. What I don't get is why you suddenly perked up the moment we got home and acted like there was nothing wrong."

Sara broke eye contact with Catherine as a dark blush bloomed on her cheeks and she silently prayed that she wasn't about to say too much. She didn't want the blonde to feel obligated to her in any way, or put the older woman off by how much she'd come to depend on her. "Because once we pulled into the driveway, there wasn't. Being here with you and Lindsey makes me feel safe, like nothing bad can touch me."

"Yeah well I feel a lot safer with you here too. One, I can keep an eye on you and make sure you're not getting yourself into trouble trying to do things before you're ready. And two, after watching you jump on Thomas' back, black and blue from head to toe with a hole in your shoulder, I wouldn't be scared even if the devil himself showed up at the front door because I know you would kick his ass." Although it sounded like she was joking, Catherine had never been more truthful. She knew firsthand that Sara would fight for her with her last breath.

"I could use my cast as a club and beat him over the head with it." Sara could hear the sincerity in the blonde's voice and fought back the tears suddenly welling in her eyes with humor. She managed a crooked grin for the older woman even though her chest had become almost painfully tight at Catherine's faith in her.

The blonde didn't miss the moisture gathering in the corners of the brunette's soulful eyes. She threw her arm over the back of the couch and let it settle over Sara's thin, but strong shoulders. "I don't mean to sound like a broken record but are you sure you're all right?"

Sara took the silent invitation and rested her head in the hollow of the blonde's neck and sighed as willowy arms surrounded her. It was hard not to be okay when on the receiving end of one of Catherine's hugs. "I'm good. I promise." She left the 'as long as you're here' that suddenly popped into her head unspoken. It would only embarrass her and make the blonde uncomfortable.

Catherine turned her head and pressed her lips lightly to the silky chestnut strands on Sara's head, taking in the lingering scent of lavender from the shampoo she'd used to wash the thick hair. As the younger woman snuggled closer to her, the blonde sighed and settled back. She had touched Sara more in the last week than she had in the previous five years combined and it was still a little amazing to her that they could be so physical and so comfortable with each other.

Two weeks ago she'd have never dreamed of holding the normally aloof woman like this and now she didn't even like thinking about not being able to do it because she got as much comfort from it as brunette did. There was something about putting her arms around the younger woman's lanky form that put her at ease and made things seem better. She hated to think what was going to happen when Sara eventually went back to her own home or if the brunette crawled back into her shell and reverted back to her standoffish ways. Because even though Catherine hated the way it had come about, she definitely liked this new friendship and closeness with the younger woman and would do all she could to keep it.

Lily retreated back to her room as quietly as she could. The slamming of her granddaughter's door had brought her out just in time to witness the exchange between her daughter and the brunette from the beginning. Since Sara had come to stay with them she had tried to keep an eye on the two women but hadn't had a real chance to observe them alone until now. So she had grabbed the opportunity and what the older blonde had seen and heard caused her more than a twinge of concern.

Catherine had always been a tactile person so Lily hadn't been too worried about the small touches that passed between the two women. What she had just seen though, the tenderness in the way her daughter caressed and kissed the brunette's hair and held her close caused a tiny red flag to go up. That wasn't something you did with causal friends. Maybe her granddaughter's assertion that the two were attracted to each other wasn't as far fetched as she had first thought.

Her daughter had been incredibly lucky. Catherine had put herself through school all while raising a child and stripping every night. She'd been given a once in a lifetime opportunity to start over and the blonde had grabbed it with both hands. She was now a respected woman in a male dominated field and Lily didn't want to see her throw it all away. The backlash of a same-sex relationship in a good ole boys club might not just destroy her career; it could be physically dangerous as well. And then there was Lindsey to think about.

Linds thought it was cool now, but once her friends started calling her and her mother names, making fun of her, she knew it would hurt the girl. She'd already been through so much with the death of her father and Lily didn't want to see her in any unnecessary and pain when it was completely avoidable. She'd have to wait until she could get Catherine alone to talk to her though. Because even though she disapproved of where their relationship might be going, she was still grateful to the brunette for saving her daughter's life. She didn't want to hurt Sara but she also couldn't allow the young woman to hurt Cath either.

TBC


	28. Part 28

A/N: Once again I must apologize for how long it has taken me to update this. RL is still extremely hectic. If someone could tell me a surefire way to win the lottery so I could retire and do nothing but write all day, I'd love to hear it. Thanks to everyone that is still reading and reviewing this, it means a lot that so many people have stuck by me. I hope to get the next part out quicker, but I can't make any promises since it seems like life just loves throwing me curve balls. Anyway I hope ya'll enjoy this next little bit.

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Part 28

Sara turned her head to gaze at her slumbering bedmate. It was three in morning and she should be sleeping but a couple of days ago she'd finally convinced the older woman that she really didn't need a whole pain pill anymore. It seemed that without the full dose her natural sleeping habits were reasserting themselves in record speed. That in and of itself didn't bother her. She had long ago gotten accustomed to surviving on four or five hours of sleep a day. What she wasn't used to was lying in bed with nothing to occupy her mind, which was why she found herself watching the moonlight turn Catherine's hair into a shining halo and her skin to alabaster. She looked like an angel. Which was actually pretty fitting considering that was what the blonde had become to her. A guardian angel.

Sara knew she was allowing herself to become too attached to the blonde, but she just couldn't seem to help herself. No one in her life had ever really taken care of her like this. Her parents had always been loathed to get her medical attention when she needed it and they had never taken her back for follow ups. She couldn't even imagine her mother sitting in a waiting room for two hours to get stitches removed. Laura had always done that herself, sometimes taking them out too early so that the wound reopened, but usually leaving them in too long so that they pulled painfully as they were ripped out of her tender skin. Catherine though had never once complained the entire time they were at the hospital; she had simply held her hand and placed soft kisses in her hair every time the doctor caused her to wince. Then the older woman had allowed Sara to do the same when her own stitches were taken out.

It was strange for her to open up so much to someone, to trust someone. In her experience trust had always led to disappointment and pain. But Sara couldn't bring herself to doubt Catherine, not after all they had gone through and everything the older woman had done for her. Even her therapist had agreed that having the blonde's support was probably the reason Sara was doing as well as she was. Of course having prior knowledge of her past had probably helped the doctor come to that conclusion.

She didn't know if it was by accident or design but somehow she'd found herself sitting on her former PEAP counselor's couch. Sara had known that Dr. Burton was a full fledged psychologist but she had assumed the portly salt and pepper haired woman limited her participation in the Police Employee's Assistance Program to the drug and alcohol counseling services. It had made it a lot easier on her though, she didn't have to explain her background to someone new.

A groan interrupted her thoughts and Sara focused on the woman beside her. Even in the dim light coming through the curtains the brunette could see the fear marring the blonde's face as she struggled within the nightmare. She scooted over as close as she could and ran her hand up and down Catherine's arm in an effort to ease the older woman out of the dream.

The blonde relaxed almost immediately and Sara sighed in relief. She knew Catherine was losing sleep every night because of the brunette's own nightmares and she wanted to make sure the woman was well rested for her return to the lab tomrrow. She didn't know how she was going to handle trying to sleep on her own, but she couldn't say anything. It would only upset the older woman and that was the last thing she wanted to do. Cath needed to be able to focus on work, not on whether or not Sara was sleeping on her own.

As the blonde settled back into peaceful slumber Sara moved back toward her side of the bed. She didn't think Catherine would mind her touching her like that when she was asleep, but she didn't want to take the chance that the woman would wake up and be offended. Anything that might drive a wedge into their newly established friendship was something she wanted to stay as far away from as possible.

Closing her eyes, the brunette tried to relax. She didn't know what she was going to do with herself for the next few hours if she couldn't get back to sleep. Laying there in the dark with nothing but her thoughts to occupy her was extremely unappealing but she didn't want to leave in case the blonde's sleep was disturbed again.

The older woman whimpered once more, as if the brunette's thoughts had called back Catherine's demons from whatever abyss they had briefly retreated to. Sara reached for the blonde again but before she could touch the silky skin, she found herself being used as a human pillow. This was a first. The few times she'd woken up before Cath, the brunette usually found the blonde's hand resting lightly on her stomach or over her heart, as if the woman was being careful and protective of her even asleep. But this was the first time the woman had practically climbed on top of her. Luckily she had healed enough so that as the lithe body snuggled into her own the groan that escaped her lips was only partially due to physical discomfort.

Sara's libido suddenly roared back to life as Catherine's furnace like petite body wiggled and slid against hers in an effort to find a more comfortable position. Pulling out a mental two by four, she beat it into submission. This was definitely not the time or place for feelings she had believed long gone to resurface. It was pointless to go down that road again. All it would get her was another unrequited love for an unattainable person, and that was the last thing she needed. Because this time that was what it would be, love. Not some little crush, not merely a physical attraction but full blown, heart stealing, mind consuming, life eclipsing love.

The first time around it had been more an appreciation of the older woman's outer beauty and forceful personality, more lust than crush. But now that she knew the real Catherine Willows, the caring, supportive, compassionate, hug giving, top of the head kissing, protecting her from herself woman, it was so hard to keep patching the chips in her walls that the blonde kept knocking out. But she had to. If she let those heavy stones around her fall, her heart was going to be obliterated and she didn't know if she would be able to recover from that.

Sara forced herself to calm down. She could do this. Cath was more important than her momentarily confused feelings. She could hold the older woman in her arms and allow the blonde to get a good night's rest, after all kind-hearted woman had done so much more than that for her. All she had to do was keep reminding herself that she wasn't in love Catherine Willows, she was her friend and physiological responses to pleasurable stimuli meant nothing at all. Nope, it didn't mean a thing. She continued to repeat that simple statement like a mantra until sleep eventually reclaimed her.

Xxx

Catherine woke slowly, easily. There was no pre-teen yelling, no phone ringing, no alarm clock blaring, just a blissful silence and a warm soft pillow under her head. There was such a sense of peace and tranquility within her that she hadn't felt in such a long time, she was reluctant to open her eyes because she just knew the second she did something was going to demand her attention.

She couldn't remember the last time she had felt so rested and she just wanted that feeling to last a little longer before she had to wrangle her daughter out of bed and convince her that, yes she had to go to school today. A few more minutes before her mother stumbled out of her room and started gripping about how much time Cath spent at work, how she never saw Lindsey, how she was ruining both their lives. A second or two before Lily started the latest tactic in her campaign to drive Catherine insane. It seemed like every time she turned around her mom was there watching her, scrutinizing her every move. It was driving her up the wall. She just wanted a few more moments to enjoy the arms wrapped so protectively around her before she had to deal with any of it. Was that to much to ask?

Wait a second, arms? That wasn't right. The blonde's eyes flew open and she propelled backward when she realized that not only was her head resting on Sara's chest but her hand was grasping the woman's breast. She would have ended up in a heap on floor if not for the impossibly long toned legs entwined with her own. Catherine's heart was beating faster than a humming bird's wings as she looked up into sleepy and confused brown eyes. "Oh god Sara I'm sorry! Are you all right? I didn't hurt you did I?"

Sara stared at the blonde in confusion. No one could ever accuse her of being a morning person and since she had only been awake for a matter of seconds she was a little disoriented. "Huh?"

Catherine was torn between embarrassment because she'd been draped rather intimately over the younger woman and concern that she might have harmed Sara in her unconscious search for a cuddle buddy. "Why didn't you wake me up and tell me to get off you?"

"Um, because I was asleep?" Although Sara hadn't had her first cup of coffee yet, it seemed like a pretty good explanation. "Its fine, I'm fine. No harm no foul."

Unconscious or not, Catherine was completely mortified that she had been groping the injured woman. She needed to get away from Sara before she caused herself any more humiliation. "I should go make sure Lindsey's up. I don't want her to be late for school."

Sara's heart clinched painfully in her chest as the blonde rushed out of the room and the brunette was suddenly wide awake. How could she have been so stupid? No matter how she had rationalized it, holding the older woman without her permission or knowledge was the wrong thing to do. Obviously she had been right to be hesitant to touch Catherine the night before, the blonde wasn't as comfortable with her as she'd pretended to be.

The blonde seemed fine when she was the one initiating contact, but then she was the one in control. Not that she blamed her one bit. Sara would have a hard time trusting anyone who had nearly assaulted her, whether they had been tortured and drugged or not. Catherine had been more than amazing throughout this whole ordeal, but she had gone and ruined it up. And of course the annoyingly fatalistic voice in her head that sounded a lot like her mother decided to throw its two cents in to add to her misery.

'_You see! That's what you get. You should know better by now not to let anyone close. No one has ever given a damn about you and they never will. She couldn't get away from you fast enough you waste of air.'_

There was only one thing she could think of to fix the situation. It wouldn't be easy but it had to be done before the older woman decided that she completely hated her.

Xxx

Catherine absently flipped the last pancake onto a plate and placed it on the table in easy reach of her daughter. The entire time she had been cooking she had expected Sara to make an appearance but so far she had seen neither hide nor hair of the brunette. That meant the younger woman wasn't as ok with what had happened as she had said. She could just absolutely kick herself.

The last thing Sara needed was any sort of sexual contact, even if it had been completely innocent and unintentional. Hell, hadn't she ripped Grissom a new one just for telling the woman about his feelings when everything the brunette had gone through was still so fresh and raw? How was she supposed to look her in the face after she had practically mauled her? What the hell had changed last night that she couldn't keep her damn hands to herself? Cath had been so careful up till now to stay on her side of the bed and only keep one hand on Sara to reassure herself that the battered woman was actually there.

The blonde had always loved to snuggle while sleeping. It was one of the only things she actually missed about being married to Eddie. With the relationships she'd had after her divorce, it hadn't really been an option. She didn't bring her boyfriends to her house and she couldn't really sleep over at their place because she needed to be home for Lindsey as much as she could. It had been a rather lonely existence most of the time but she had gladly endured it to keep her daughter from being exposed to the losers and creeps that she seemed to attract.

Sara made her feel safe though and she had relaxed her guard enough to end up in this morning's embarrassing position. But as awkward as that had been, the way she had woken up didn't weigh as heavily on her mind as the fact that she had enjoyed it. For those few moments before she realized what was going on Catherine had felt so secure and comfortable, it had felt so right, that she had relished the contact. But it was so very wrong. She had selfishly used the brunette and it made her sick to her stomach to think she was capable of that. It also seemed that the department shrink was off in his assessment that she was more concerned about Sara than she was herself.

"_Catherine, I understand that Sara went through a horrible ordeal, but I'd like to hear more about what happened to you. How you felt, how you're dealing with everything, how you're sleeping." _

"_I already told you I'm fine. I don't know what else you want me to say. That I was scared? Well I wasn't, I was terrified. I was terrified that my daughter was going to grow up without me there, an orphan. I was terrified I was going to raped and murdered. But when Sara started screaming…there's no way I can describe that sound adequately to make you understand what it was like. I've never heard anything like it and I pray to god that I never hear it again. But what was worse was I never knew when she stopped if it was because he was letting her rest, she passed out, or because she was dead. _

_Then after everything she's been through, she tries to sacrifice herself, not once but twice to save my life. She's survived so much, not just this, and it took her almost dying for me to really **see** her. So yes, maybe I am a little preoccupied with Sara but under the circumstances I think you can see why." The urge to snap at the rotund man finally beat the last shred of Catherine's patience into the ground. She knew she was being defensive and unreasonable but she didn't want to be there and she was worried about how the brunette's session was going down the hall. It had taken a little doing to get both their appointments at the same time, but she hadn't wanted Sara to have to sit by herself even for an hour._

"_I think I see what the problem is. You're suffering from a form of survivor's guilt." Dr. Delanco held up his hand to forestall the protest he could see his patient was about to make. "Just hear me out. Sara endured torture after torture at the hands of that man, and yet you came through it virtually unscathed. So even though she didn't die, she was so severely injured physically, mentally and emotionally that it is almost as devastating. But you are not responsible for her pain just because you didn't suffer. Now I'm not saying that you shouldn't help her or look after her, from the sound of things she probably needs that more than anything right now. But I do want you to start thinking about yourself. There's no need for you to feel guilty if you put yourself first. Now tell me how you've been sleeping."_

After their session, Catherine had been surprised when he told her he didn't see any reason she couldn't go back to work. Of course he told her if she had any problems to make another appointment with him, but she knew she wouldn't. There was no way he could really understand and talking to him wouldn't make a damn bit of difference.

There was only one person she needed to talk and if she didn't gather her courage and do it now there was a chance that she could ruin their new relationship. Leaving her daughter wolfing down pancakes, Catherine made her way back toward her bedroom, trepidation keeping her steps timid. The door loomed in front of her. It was flimsy, hollow pressed-wood barrier that a small child could probably knock down, but at the moment it seemed to be an impenetrable barricade that she needed to breach.

As her hand hovered millimeters from the handle, she realized that its strength wasn't in the material from which it was made but in the possibilities of what lay behind it. What if Sara hated her? What if she was in there, feeling betrayed by the trust she had given? There were so many 'what if's' running through her mind that the blonde couldn't even identify them all.

Catherine stared at her trembling hand and wondered when she had become such a coward. Never regret, never look back. She had once told Grissom that that was how she lived her life. But was that still true? After everything that had happened, could she still say that? Was she not now regretting a momentary lack of control to the point that her stomach was tied in knots and her heart had a strangle hold on her throat at the thought of what the consequences might be?

The only way she was going to find the answer was to open that door. Taking a deep breath, Catherine closed the miniscule distance to the knob and turned it. The sight that greeted her as the door swung open stole the air from her lungs. "You're leaving?"

Sara's head snapped up from her almost full suitcase at the strangled cry and just as quickly looked away. She couldn't bear to see what Catherine might feel about her now. "Under the circumstances I think it's for the best. I stepped over the line and I am so sorry Cat. I know I shouldn't have touched you but you were having a nightmare and I just wanted to make sure you got a good night's sleep since you go back to work tomorrow. I should have gotten up immediately. Please don't hate me."

The quiet desperation in the brunette's voice drove the blonde forward. Catherine gathered the younger woman in her arms and pulled her close. "Sara, no sweetie, you didn't do anything wrong. I was embarrassed and worried that you were upset with me for grabbing onto you like that. I could never hate you."

Sara sank into the embrace, relief flooding her body and forcing the fear out of its way. "So we're ok? You're not mad at me?"

Catherine leaned back and brought her hands up to cup the younger woman's face. "No I'm not mad. As long as you're good, I'm good. You are ok, aren't you? I understand if you're upset with me after I uh… you know."

Sara's brow furrowed in confusion as the blonde's eyes suddenly found something off to the left very interesting and a rosy blush spread over her pale cheeks . "No, I don't know Cath. I'm not exactly very coherent until I've had my first cup of coffee."

The blonde let her hands fall away from the brunette's face and moved to stand in front of the window. Catherine didn't think Sara would want her touch after she had confessed, but she had to tell her. "When I woke up… it was just so comforting… safe… it took me a few seconds to realize that I was grabbing your uh… your chest."

"I don't…my chest? I don't get it. Why would…OH my _chest_." Sara eyes went wide as the proverbial light bulb turned on above her head. No wonder the blonde took off like her ass was on fire. Taking in Catherine's slumped shoulder's, the brunette knew that now wasn't the time to be timid or second guess what she was about to do.

Three long strides put Sara directly behind the older woman. Her arms moved almost without volition and wrapped themselves around the petite blonde's slender waist. "Cat you were asleep, you weren't in control of your actions. How could I be upset about that? Please don't let it bother you. It's really not a big deal."

Catherine covered the brunette's arms with her own and leaned back into the tall lithe body. Just saying thank you seemed inadequate but the slight tightening of the long limbs around her waist told her the younger woman understood all that she wanted to say. It was amazing that someone so tenderhearted and caring as Sara was, could come from such a barren and abusive environment. "I left Ecklie a message yesterday. I told him I wanted to take some of my vacation time. If you're hungry I made pancakes."

Sara held on as the blonde tried to move away from her. "You shouldn't be using that time for me. You need to save it and spend it with your daughter Catherine."

Cath had figured that Sara would object, that was why she had waited till practically the last minute to tell her. It was part of the brunette's nature to put other people's happiness and wellbeing before her own. "I have plenty of vacation days saved up, not as many as you, but enough. I need to do this Sara, for you, me and Lindsey. You start physical therapy in a few days, Linds is still anxious about me leaving the house and I don't think I'm ready to go to work for ten or twelve hours a day when my mind will be here. I don't just want to stay home, I need to."

"If it's for you and Lindsey then you should take the time off. I just don't want you to waste your days on me." Sara already felt guilty enough for taking up so much of the blonde's time, she didn't want to be responsible for Catherine missing out on a real vacation with her daughter too.

Catherine twisted in the brunette's now loose embrace, bringing them almost nose to nose. "Even if I used every last second of it doing nothing but sitting and watching you breathe it wouldn't be a waste. You are important to me and one of these days I'm going to get it through that thick skull of yours."

The warm hand that came up to gently cup her cheek softened the brusqueness of the blonde's fierce tone. "I'm sorry I'm just not used to having someone who really cares about me."

"Well you better _get_ used to it because I'm not going anywhere." Catherine pulled the taller woman into her arms and held on as tightly as she dared trying to convey something with her touch that she couldn't even make sense of in her own mind.

"Thank you." Sara rested her head against the blonde's. This was what she had been missing her entire life, someone that actually gave a damn about her. It didn't matter that only minutes ago she had been packing. It had been a stupid misunderstanding on both their parts, but it had been resolved and a tremendous weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

Catherine held the embrace for a few moments after the brunette's whispered words of gratitude trying to get the sudden surge of anger under control. She pulled back so that she could look directly into Sara's soulful mahogany eyes. "Don't you ever thank me or anyone else for caring about you. Don't thank someone for giving you what you deserve."

There was so much anger in the blonde's crystalline blue eyes that Sara wanted to look away in shame, but there was also something in the fathomless depths that she had never seen before and it ensnared her. It was like she was drowning in a warm sapphire sea, floating on gentle waves that cradled her in their watery embrace. For the first time in her life she felt completely and absolutely safe. Whatever that unknown element was it was pulling her closer and Sara felt a shiver of fear mixed with excitement travel the length of her spine. But before she could even begin to examine it or figure out what was going on a slamming door broke the moment and snapped her back to reality.

Catherine took a step back, uncertain what had just happened. Something had passed between them, or been on the verge of it, but for the life of her she didn't know what. She had a feeling it was important but whatever it was would have to wait though, as her mother was up and Lindsey was still in the kitchen most likely stuffing her face. "If you're hungry we'd better hurry before the black hole that masquerades as my daughter sucks all the pancakes into that bottomless pit she calls a stomach."

As the older woman started for the door, Sara gave herself a hard mental shake. She was obviously still a little off balance by the morning's little drama because she was seeing things. Yeah that had to be it, her imagination was working overtime. There couldn't have been some mystery emotion in the blonde's eyes. It was just the same warmth and compassion she'd seen every day since their rescue. Anything else was just her own confusion surfacing.

Moving to follow Catherine to the kitchen, Sara nodded her head. She was just confused. That had to be it. Her mind was just playing tricks on her. This time tomorrow, everything would be back to normal.

TBC


	29. Part 29

A/N: I enjoy getting constructive criticism and critiques. I like to know what I'm doing wrong as much as what I am doing right, it helps me to become a better writer. What I do not like however, is rudeness. There is no reason to be impolite and anything you wish to impart is lost in the anger you provoke. And when you have never given any sort of feedback before, it's doubly insulting.

As for everyone else that has left reviews, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You are truly wonderful people.

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Part 29

Sara's head immediately turned to the door as it slowly edged open. She was pretty sure she knew who it was but she waited until the small silhouette was fully visible before she sat up. "Linds? What's wrong?"

Lindsey hung her head as she edged into the room. She felt like such a baby but after lying in her bed for an eternity afraid to go back to sleep, she just couldn't help herself. "I had a nightmare. Can I sleep in here with you?"

"Of course you can." Sara patted the mattress beside her and cursed Ecklie as the girl climbed up onto the bed. He was the reason she had been lying there, unable to sleep, and the reason Catherine's daughter was having bad dreams. The assistant lab director, being the supreme ass that he was, had refused Catherine's request to take more time off. His excuse was that they were too short handed to spare her. The only concession he had made was letting her work half shifts for a week before returning to full duty.

Sara lay back down and the little blonde quickly snuggled up next to her. Her cast made it a little difficult to wrap her arms around the girl but she did the best she could. She might not be at her best when it came to kids but even she knew when one needed a hug. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Lindsey thought about saying no for a second. She was almost thirteen and it was embarrassing enough to have to ask to sleep with someone because of a bad dream. But Sara had never made her feel stupid, or even like a kid. The brunette had always talked to her like she an actual person, not a baby, and in her book that made the woman one of the coolest adults she knew. "I dreamed Mom got kidnapped again only this time she died."

Sara tightened her awkward hold as the girl let out a quiet sniffle. "I'm scared too, Linds. Even though I know that the guys won't let her out of their sight for a second, I'm so scared I feel like I'm going to be sick. I keep telling myself that everyone in the lab and the PD are going to be watching her like a hawk and they'll make sure she's safe but I still can't sleep." The second the blonde had walked out the door, Sara had felt the walls starting to close in on her. She had known that when the older woman went back to work she'd be a little nervous. What she hadn't expected was this near-suffocating fear that something was going to happen to Catherine.

Sara wasn't sure if it was the best idea to tell Lindsey all that but the girl was incredibly smart and would probably catch her if she tried to lie. She was a terrible liar. "Do you want to give her a call?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, grab the phone." Sara suppressed a smile as the little blonde leapt up. Lindsey might try to act like she was all grown up but she was still just a little girl who needed her mom more than she wanted to admit.

The second Linds handed her the phone, Sara dialed Catherine's number from memory. Once it began ringing she twisted it slightly and leaned toward the blonde girl.

'Willows.'

Sara smiled as Lindsey squeezed her arm at the sound of her mother's voice. "Hey Cath, how's work?"

'Believe me, you don't want to know.'

"That bad huh?" To Sara, the older woman sounded exhausted. She hoped Catherine wasn't pushing herself to hard her first night back.

'Oh yeah. How's everything there? Are you okay?'

"We're ok. We just wanted to hear your voice." Sara had been fighting the urge to call the blonde since she'd left the house. The only thing that had kept her from dialing the number was because she hadn't wanted to upset Catherine any more than the older woman already was. And she hadn't wanted to appear as needy as she felt.

'We? Lindsey should've been in bed two hours ago."

"She was. But we had trouble sleeping and wanted to call you before we went back to bed." It was hard for her to admit it about herself but Sara didn't want to leave the girl out in the cold all by herself.

'Is she all right?'

"Here, I'll let her answer that." Sara let go of the phone and sat back to give the girl some privacy with her mom.

"Hi Mom."

'Hey baby, you ok?'

"I'm fine. I had a bad dream and I just wanted to talk to you. You're not mad are you?" Her mother had pretty strict rules about bedtime and getting plenty of sleep but Lindsey didn't care if she was about to get grounded or not. All that mattered was that she could hear her mom's voice and knew that she was safe.

'Of course not. I want you to call me anytime you want or need to. Do you think you can go back to sleep now?'

"I guess. Are you coming home soon?"

'I'm going to try. I love you baby.'

"Love you to Mom. Night."

Xxx

Catherine snapped her cell phone shut and hung her head. What she wouldn't give to be at home right now. She hadn't gotten two feet from her door that afternoon before she began plotting the best way to get rid of Ecklie's body. Now she was revising her plan to make sure the jackass suffered a little before he died. There was no doubt that he didn't have a compassionate bone in his body but now she was wondering if he even had a heart, hell she wasn't even sure he was human.

Conrad Ecklie's timely demise would have to wait for another day though because if she ever wanted to get home to Sara and Lindsey, she needed to get back to work. The plan had been to come in and knock out some of the paperwork that had stacked up while she had been gone, with grave and swing both shorthanded no one had been able to get to it. Of course nothing ever went as planned. It seemed like every criminal in Vegas had gotten a wild hair up their asses and both shifts had quickly been tapped out. So Catherine had been forced to go into the field.

She'd nearly had a panic attack just getting from the front door to her Denali and had had to keep telling herself that Michael Thomas was dead and she was perfectly safe in the lab's parking lot. Catherine had been proud of herself for not letting the fear control her. Until she got to the scene. Then she wished that she had turned right back around and hid in her office until it was time for her to go home.

Domestic abuse cases had always been particularly hard on Sara and in the past Catherine had chastised her for getting too emotionally involved. But now that she knew the reasons behind the younger CSI's vehemence the blonde found herself feeling outraged on the other woman's behalf. But it wasn't the woman lying bloody and limp as a rag doll on the floor, beaten to death by her husband that drew her ire. And it wasn't the man being hauled away in handcuffs, ranting and raving about how she had asked for it. It was the pale little brunette sitting ghostly quiet in the back of a squad car as she waited to be taken to her uncertain future. The big dark soulful eyes that were much too old to be in such a tiny face had looked up at her and Catherine had immediately thought about Sara. Was this what she had looked like as a child? Covered in bruises and already world-weary at the tender age of seven?

Catherine had hurried to get away from the scrutiny of those haunted mahogany eyes that reminded her so much of Sara's. But as much as the blonde tried to block the child out of her mind while she collected evidence, she couldn't help but wonder if this girl would come through her ordeal half as strong as her lanky friend. Would she take all that had happened to her, all she had seen and endured, and become someone that fought tooth and nail to make the world a little safer? Or would she let it make her apathetic, or worse, twist her into the very thing that she feared and hated? There was no doubt that Sara Sidle had taken all the pain she had suffered and used it to fuel her drive for finding justice for victims and she could only hope that this little girl had the same strength in her tiny frame.

Sara had still been on her mind when she returned to the lab and Catherine had had to force herself not to pick up the phone. It was late and she had hoped the brunette was sound asleep. So she'd continued to log the evidence absentmindedly, her thoughts bouncing back and forth between her younger co-worker and the girl. It was actually a relief when she got the page from Doc Robbins to attend the post and she had something else to concentrate on.

Now all she had left to do was finish up the report and she could go home. By the time she got to actually leave though, her half a shift would turn out to be more like three quarters. But at lease after talking to Sara and Lindsey her mind was much more at ease and she could actually focus on the paperwork in front of her.

Xxx

Catherine crept down the short hallway and slowly opened her daughter's door. After the night she'd just had, all she wanted to do was kiss her little girl and crawl into bed. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the gloom within and another for her to realize that Linds wasn't under the rumpled blankets on her twin bed. As she turned to begin a search of the house her stomach tried to jump into her throat as she came face to face with her mother. "Damn it Mom you nearly gave me a heart attack. Why are you lurking around outside Lindsey's room and where is she?"

"She's in your room, in your bed, with that woman." Lily had woken up only a few minutes before Catherine got home and decided to check on her granddaughter, only to find her gone. It hadn't taken her long to figure out where she was.

"Sara mother, her name is Sara. Why do you suddenly have a problem with her? At first I thought it was me, since you are constantly watching me like you expect me to flip out or something, but now… What is going on with you?" Catherine's voice was an angry whisper, harsh sounding even to her own ears. She didn't want to wake the rest of the house but her displeasure at her mother's strange attitude made it impossible to speak in a normal tone.

"My problem is the way you and _Sara_ are carrying on. I didn't want to believe it at first when Lindsey mentioned it, but I've seen it with my own eyes. Did you even stop to think about how this would affect your career, your life, your daughter's life? Did you stop to think about the message it might send her?" Lily had held her tongue as long as she could, but things had obviously gone too far now, she couldn't wait any longer. Lindsey should have come to her, not a woman that she'd only had regular contact with for a couple of weeks.

"What the _hell_ are you talking about mother?"

"Please don't try to deny it. I've seen it with my own eyes. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against people that choose that sort of life, but sweetheart it's not for you. Getting involved with Sara will destroy everything you've worked so hard for. You know the police department isn't the most accepting of homosexuals. What am I supposed to tell Lindsey when some bigot cop decides to leave you alone at crime scene and a murderer hacks you to pieces? What am I going to tell her when you get beaten up or shot in the back by friendly fire?" Unshed tears burned the back of Lily's eyes just thinking of her granddaughter, in a little black dress, sobbing over her mother's casket. It broke her heart just as much as the thought that she could loose her oldest child.

Catherine's jaw dropped and she shook her head in utter amazement. "Did you hit your head? Because you sound like you've got a serious head trauma! Yes, Sara and I are a lot closer now. And yes, I've come to love her. But. As. A. Friend. That's all. Nothing is _going__on_ between us. And even it if was, it wouldn't be any of your business Mom. I'm an adult, she's an adult and things have changed. People are much more accepting and tolerant nowadays. And the message I'm sending Lindsey? I've always told her that _love_ is more important than what other people think about you and that race, religion, age and gender shouldn't matter."

Lily could see that the woman was in denial and reached up and put her hands on Catherine's shoulder's hoping to calm her daughter enough to get the blonde to listen to her. "I've seen the way the two of you look at each other. I've seen the way you touch each other. Whether you've admitted it to yourself or not, you and Sara have feelings for each other that goes beyond friendship. Even your daughter can see it, she's the one that told me that the two of you _like_ like each other. And what about Lindsey? Do you know how devastated she's going to be when the two of you break up? Because I don't know about Sara, but you don't have the best track record when comes to dating. All I'm asking is that before you take your relationship any further with her, that you carefully consider all the consequences of your actions."

"I think you're delusional, but if it will get you off my back, fine. I'll think about what you said. As for Lindsey and how she'd feel about a hypothetical breakup to a hypothetical relationship… She'd be fine because I'd never try to keep her and Sara from spending time together, they adore one another and I can't imagine a better role model for Linds. Now you're going to do something for me." Catherine advanced on her mother and didn't stop until wall forced her to. "You are going to back the hell off and you're going to treat Sara with the respect she deserves. Because in case you forgot, she's the only reason I'm standing here talking to you right now."

Catherine waited for the older woman to nod her acceptance before she stepped away. "Good, now I've had a long day and I'm going to bed. Goodnight Mother."

As Lily watched her daughter walk away she felt a heavy weight settle on her chest. She should have waited and not been quite so confrontational. Catherine had never responded well to being cornered. She'd have to wait until her daughter calmed down and had a chance to think things through. Once they could discuss the situation rationally she was sure her oldest child would see that she was right. And if after everything was said and done and Catherine decided to pursue a relationship with Sara… Well then Lily would be forced to accept it, but that didn't mean that she had like it. It was her job after all to protect her children, and by extension, her grandchildren.

Xxx

The blonde stomped toward the master bedroom, furious with her mother. How could she suggest such a thing? There was no way her feelings for Sara had taken a romantic turn. She'd know if they had. Wouldn't she?

Catherine paused at her door, this was ridiculous. Of course she'd know, they were her feelings after all. The sudden bout of uncertainty was due entirely to her mother's insanity. It was rubbing off on her and she needed to get it under control now. If it hadn't been for the cuddling/groping incident the other morning she wouldn't even be questioning herself.

She could feel heat creeping up her cheeks at memory of waking up in the lanky brunette's arms. It didn't mean a damn thing that she had enjoyed it, she loved to snuggle, it could have been anyone and she would have felt the same way. Right? Catherine shook her head to rid herself of the questioning thoughts. There was no point in thinking about this right now. She needed to go in there, check on Sara and her daughter and get some much needed sleep.

Catherine opened the door quietly and eased in. She thought she had made it without disturbing the room's occupants until she turned around.

"Cath, is everything all right?"

Crap. The argument in the hall must have been louder than she'd thought. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"S'ok, I wasn't really sleeping anyway." Sara could see in the dim light coming from the half opened bathroom door that the blonde didn't want to talk about whatever she and her mother had been arguing about. She'd ask Catherine about it later, when they weren't both tired and Lindsey wasn't snoozing next to her.

One close look at the brunette's face in the diffused illumination in the room told the blonde that Sara was being truthful. The brunette had been laying there in bed with her arms wrapped like a human security blanket around Lindsey, keeping a silent vigil over the girl and once again putting someone else's needs ahead of her own. Catherine sat down on the edge of the bed and reached over to brush a few errant strands of gold out of her daughter's innocent face. "How'd she do after we got off the phone?"

"She went right back to sleep." Sara shifted her gaze from the little cherub beside her to Catherine, unsure if she had made the right decision regarding the girl. "I told her she could stay in here. I hope that's okay. I mean I know how hard it can be to go back to sleep after a nightmare and she needed the rest."

The blonde could see Sara's insecure nature raising its ugly head and hurried to drive in back into the deep dark hole it belonged in. "It's fine. Actually it's more than fine. Thank you for taking care of her." Catherine pulled her hand away from her daughter and brought it to rest on the brunette's cheek. "And thank you for calling me. You don't know how much I needed to hear both your voices right then. I just wish I could have been here."

"I'm sorry Ecklie's such a class A jackass."

"Nothing you can do about it, unless you want to help me get rid of his body." Catherine grinned down at the brunette, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"Just tell me when and where." Sara smiled back at the blonde.

"I'll let you know. I'm going to grab a quick shower then I'm coming to bed." Catherine leaned over and brushed a butterfly soft kiss on the brunette's forehead before making her way to the adjacent bathroom.

As the hot cleansing spray beat down on her back, the blonde considered her actions. Over the past couple of weeks, showing physical affection to the younger woman had become routine and she'd barely given it a thought other than to wonder once or twice at how natural it felt. Until her mother went and opened her big mouth. Now she was second guessing herself. The contact they shared had been always been comforting, for both she and Sara, but she had enjoyed it. The question now was had she taken more pleasure from the touches than was strictly proper for someone that was just a friend?

As she climbed out of the shower, she silently cursed Lily and her damn theories. She quickly dried herself and slipped on her favorite pajamas, determined to put everything out of her mind. She was about to climb into bed with Sara and Lindsey, there was no way she could be thinking about this now. Not if she wanted to get any sleep.

Catherine's hand paused on the light switch as she started out of the bathroom. It had been on when she came in and realized the brunette must have left it on for Linds. For a while after Eddie's death, the girl had been unable to sleep in the dark. It made sense that she'd ask Sara to leave it on now. They hadn't talked about the nightmare that had woken her daughter up, but considering the past few weeks, her first night back to work, it was easy to guess it that it had been about her.

The blonde pulled the door almost closed and quietly made her way to her side of the bed. She eased under the blankets and scooted as close to her daughter as she could. With Lindsey in the middle she could cuddle to her hearts content without fear of stepping over the line again. Catherine looked over the slumbering child at the woman holding her so protectively. Half-lidded brown eyes gazed back at her and she reached across the girl and laid her arm on Sara's. "Its okay sweetie, you can sleep now."

Catherine could barely make out a mumbled 'yes dear' as Sara's eyes fluttered a few times and then closed. A crooked little grin remained on the woman's lips as her breathing evened out and Morpheus finally pulled her into his domain. It did really surprise the blonde that the younger woman had stayed awake until she came to bed, even though it was obvious the brunette was exhausted. But why the hell did she have to go and do that now? Why couldn't she have already been asleep? Why did she have to look at her with those captivating chocolate orbs so full of gentle care? Because once again her mother's words were bouncing around her head again like one the super balls Lindsey had loved when she was younger.

The blonde knew that there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell that she was going to get to sleep now, not with Sara looking for all the world like a mother lion curled protectively around her cub. And why did the picture they made together have to look so damn natural? Catherine knew that the only way she was going to get any rest tonight was to resolve the issue and there was only one way she knew how to do that. Follow the evidence.

Grissom was always telling them to leave their feelings at home and concentrate on the evidence, because evidence didn't lie. But what if the only evidence you had, was your emotions? What if it was your feelings that you were trying to investigate? Where did you start? Trust? That was a no-brainer. She trusted Sara on a level that she had never thought it possible to trust someone. She didn't just trust the young woman with her life, she trusted her with Lindsey's. Next. Attraction?

That one was a little harder to pin down. Catherine had noticed the lanky brunette's beauty from the beginning, but that didn't mean she was attracted _to_ her. Of course over the last five years she had spent so time and energy keeping the woman at arms length that she had never really let herself think about it. What about now? There was no doubt that she was drawn to the gentle soul she was still getting know, but what about physically?

Since she was being honest, Catherine admitted to herself that she really did enjoy holding the younger woman. Being allowed the sort of contact Sara shied away from with everyone but the people she trusted most, was a heady experience. But being held in the brunette's strong thin arms felt even better. She had enjoyed waking up, snuggled against the warm lithe body. There had been a definite physical reaction to the contact. And then there was bath time.

When Sara had first gotten out of the hospital, the only thing that had concerned Cath was the deep ugly bruises and the jagged lacerations marring the leggy woman's skin. Now those had almost completely faded and the brunette had healed enough that she didn't really need the blonde's assistance to bathe, but neither of them had suggested that the younger woman complete the task on her own. And the last time they had gone through the daily ritual, Catherine had definitely noticed the other woman's supple body. Had noticed it so much that she'd had to step out of the room for a few moments to get her labored breathing and erratic heart rate under control.

At the time she had told herself that it was just a memory of those three hellish days resurfacing at the sight of the elliptical red scar on Sara's shoulder. But now that she was being honest… She had to admit that it was the soft curves sheathed in milky white skin that had had her so flustered. It was obvious now that she needed to put a great big check mark next to the attraction column. But trust and desire does not love make.

Ok, so what else? Well, she thought about the younger woman constantly when they were apart, even if was just for an hour. She'd almost go so far as to say she craved being near the willowy brunette. At first it had been an almost irrational need to see for herself that Sara was all right, that she really was alive and well. Somewhere along the way that had changed. She couldn't pinpoint the exact moment, but Cath knew she just liked being around her.

Whenever Sara smiled, a real honest-to-god-gap-toothed-Sidle-smile, she couldn't help but smile in return. And just the sight of the brunette interacting with Lindsey, whether it was watching tv, doing homework or just talking about school, Catherine always got a feeling a warmth that started in her stomach and spread through her entire body. She couldn't even imagine not having the younger woman in her and her daughter's life anymore.

Looking now at Sara's face, so relaxed and vulnerable in sleep, Catherine could feel little butterflies doing aerial acrobatics in her stomach. No, she wasn't in love with the brunette. But heaven help her she was falling in that direction at Mach 5 speed.

What the hell was she supposed to do now?

TBC


	30. Part 30

Chapter 30

A/N: I'm sorry it has taken me so long to update. I crushed my finger and then dislocated my shoulder. In between injuries the last minute of sixth season had me completely (sick) depressed and this season has nearly made me want to stop watching altogether. Oh and then my laptop died and I had to wait until I had enough money to get a new. Now my finger is good as new, all the breaks are healed and I have a brand new fingernail. I have an awesome new laptop. And though I've permanently lost some mobility in my shoulder due to the damage I did, I'm learning to get around it.

I want apologize in advance for how much this sucks I've started this chapter a dozen times and thrown out at least twenty pages but I didn't want to leave it unfinished. I know this is going to be complete tripe but I just can't seem to get anything going. So I'm going to leave it as it is now and try to move on to one of the stories rattling around in my head.

I want to thank everyone that has given me feedback. I don't think I've ever had such a response to something I've written and all I can say is ya'll rock.

Thanks again,

Kimmi

* * *

Sara sighed as Catherine mumbled an excuse and rushed out of the room. They had barely spoken in almost a week and there was no doubt that the blonde was avoiding her. But no matter how many times she asked the older woman what was wrong, she always got the same answer. 'Nothing's wrong Sara, why do ask? Oh I just remembered I need to go do laundry' or dishes or something else that was as far away from the brunette as possible. Catherine wasn't even sleeping in the bed with her anymore.

The first time Sara had woken up to find the spot next to her empty, long after the older woman should have been home and in bed, was four days ago. She'd quickly found Catherine asleep on the sofa in the living room. The blonde's explanation that she hadn't wanted to inadvertently hurt Sara after her first physical therapy session had seemed like a valid reason at the time. But the next night when it happened again and the night after that and the night after that, the excuses, that she'd just fallen asleep there or she'd only meant to close her eyes for second or she hadn't wanted to wake Sara up, just hadn't rang true.

Sara had wanted to press the issue, find out what was really going on, but she had been too afraid of making it worse. So she had decided that if she left it alone whatever was wrong would work itself out, but things weren't getting any better. If they didn't figure out a way to talk about what was bothering Catherine, Sara was scared that their friendship, the closeness she'd come to depend on, was about to end.

Stiffening her resolve, Sara decided that one way or another, she was going to get Catherine to talk to her right now.

Xxx

Catherine leaned heavily against the washing machine and tried to catch her breath. There wasn't even a dirty sock left in the entire house and the only way she was going to do a load was if she started re-washing the clean clothes. She had really just needed an excuse to get away from Sara.

Since her mothers little intervention, since she'd come to realize the depth of her feelings for Sara, she'd found it hard to even be in the same room with the younger woman. She was constantly battling the urge to touch her. And every time she looked in the lanky brunette's eyes, her resolve not to tell Sara how she felt crumbled a little bit more.

Sara was still emotionally fragile and there was no way to tell how she'd react to the blonde's revelation. There might be a small chance that the brunette would be open to a relationship with her, but there was also a huge possibility that she wasn't ready to be involved with anyone, much less the female co-worker she'd had a sometimes combative relationship with until very recently. Catherine could very well lose Sara completely and she'd rather have the younger woman's friendship than nothing at all.

Besides, hadn't she practically ripped Grissom's fat head off his stumpy neck when he'd done the same thing? Of course he'd done it the day after they were rescued while Sara was lying in a near catatonic state in ICU. If there had ever been a more wrong time and place, she didn't know what it was. But how was she supposed to judge when, or even if, the brunette was ready? She couldn't, which was why she needed to stay away from Sara even though it was slowly killing her.

Every lie she told tasted like ashes in her mouth. Every hurt look on the brunette's face sent another rusty knife through her heart. Every night spent on the couch instead of next to Sara made her body ache for the younger woman's warmth. Every moment she didn't speak to the lanky CSI, share her day and hear about Sara's, tore another chunk out of her soul. She really didn't know how much longer she could keep this up.

Xxx

Sara found the blonde in the laundry room, her head resting against the empty washing machine. She silently regarded the older woman for a moment before shutting the door, effectively cutting off Catherine's escape route. "Will you please tell me what I did wrong?"

Catherine jumped at the sudden intrusion into her thoughts. She took a deep breath to try to calm her racing heart before turning to face the other woman. "Don't be silly Sara, you haven't done anything wrong. You know I just remembered that I need to wash bed linens. I should get those started so that they're done before I have to leave for work."

As the blonde took a step toward her, Sara steeled her nerves and held her ground. "You just washed them two days ago. Please Cat, I can't take this anymore. Lindsey is the only person in this house still speaking to me and I don't know why. You're sleeping on the couch; you won't talk to me, hell you won't even stay in the same room as me for more then thirty seconds. Your mother glares at me all the time and the only way riding with her to my PT sessions could get anymore uncomfortable would be if Ecklie decided to tag along.

If I really didn't do anything to upset you then the only conclusion I can come to is you're tired of having me around and you just don't want to hurt my feelings by saying so. I understand you know. I actually expected it, because sooner or later everyone wants to get away from me, but I'd rather you tell me that than to just avoid me. I don't want to lose your friendship and if that means going back to my apartment and fending for myself then that's what I'll do."

Catherine hung her head as each of the brunette's words drove a red hot spike into her chest. She'd spent so much time and energy trying to keep Sara from seeing how she felt about her, that she'd failed to see how much she was hurting her. "Have you ever wondered why you are the only person on this planet that I allow to get away with calling me Cat? I never really thought about it before but even when we were fighting, I never wanted to rip your lips off for using that damn nickname. Anyone else would be just a greasy spot on the floor, but for some reason I've always liked the way you say it."

The blonde looked into Sara's eyes and wasn't really all that surprised to see tears falling from their soulful depths. There was no turning back now. She had to tell her the truth. "I didn't mean to make you feel like I didn't want you here but I had some things I needed to work out and please believe me when I say that it would have been impossible if I hadn't put a little distance between us. But the last thing I want is for you to leave.

You really haven't done a single thing wrong sweetheart. In fact you keep doing everything right and it shouldn't be this damn hard to tell you that I love the way you look after my kid. You let Lindsey sprawl all over you even though I know it still causes you a little bit of pain, no matter how hard you try to hide it, just to make her feel safe. You comfort her when she has a nightmare. You help her with her homework. You're actually interested in hearing about how her day went and which one of her friends thinks what boy is cute today.

It shouldn't be so hard to tell you that I love the way you worry about me even though you're the one that went through ten kinds of hell and damn near died. Don't think I don't know you've threatened everyone at the lab and half the PD if they don't watch out for me when I'm in the field.

It shouldn't be so hard to tell you that I love the way you get so completely focused on something that you block out the rest of the world. That I love the way you push that bit of stubborn hair behind your ear a hundred times a day, only to have it fall right back down two seconds later. I love the way you chew on your lip when you're concentrating and the way you sing and hum when you're in a good mood and forget anyone else is around. I love how you get this little crease between your eyes when you're confused. I love how deep and expressive your eyes are. I love your smile, god I love your smile when it's real and big enough to show that adorable gap in your teeth. I love the way your hands are so strong and steady while at the same time they're soft and gentle. I love how dedicated you are to the victims, how you fight tooth and nail for them, consequences be damned. I love how justice means more to you than politics."

Catherine took a deep breath. "I love…" She could still back out, she hadn't said _the_ words yet. She could chalk it all up to hormones or something, but she really didn't want to. Now that she'd started, she didn't want to stop. She needed to tell Sara the truth. "I love _you_. And it shouldn't be this damn hard to tell you that I'm falling for you and that I never meant to hurt you or make you think I wanted you to leave because I really _really_ want you to stay and not just today but I think maybe for a very long time."

With every word Sara felt her knees get a little a weaker until they finally gave out at the end of Catherine's speech. As she slid to the floor she couldn't stop the laughter that erupted from her mouth. She knew it was the completely wrong response, but she couldn't help it, she actually felt giddy as a schoolgirl. And that thought made her laugh all that much harder as she couldn't remember the last time she had felt this way, or if she ever really had. Did that mean she had never really been in love before? Searching her memory the only answer she could find was no. Not one person one person had ever made her feel safe and drunk and very very sober at the same time.

Staring down at the brunette, it felt like someone had ripped out her heart, leaving nothing but a bloody and tattered hole in its place. Catherine had known that there was a huge chance that the younger woman wouldn't return her feelings, but she had never expected Sara to _laugh_ at her. Hell the brunette had been more understanding with Grissom. She could have handled a gentle let down, or even stunned silence followed by a sputtered 'I don't feel that way about you', but she couldn't bear to be mocked. Not by Sara, not after having laid her heart on the line for the younger woman to see.

Sara felt the door hitting her in the back but it took her a few seconds for her euphoria to clear enough to figure out that the blonde was desperately trying to get out of the room. Even though it sent a bolt of pain through her shoulder she reached up and pulled the Catherine down into her lap. She wrapped her arms around the older woman and buried her face in the cascade of golden hair. "I'm sorry. I am _so_ sorry Cat."

Catherine didn't even try to mask the roughness of her voice or wipe away the tears that had begun to blind her. "Screw you! How could you be that cruel? How could you just laugh at me like that? I thought that you at least cared enough about me to…"

Sara tightened her grip as the blonde began to struggle to get up. "I didn't mean to, and I wasn't laughing _at_ you I swear. I was just so surprised and happy and confused and… and happy, it just came out and I couldn't stop it."

"Happy?" Catherine halted her escape attempt and turned her head to look at the brunette.

"Yeah, happy. You remember I told you I used to have a little crush on you and that I got over it? Well what I've been feeling lately isn't anything at all like that. It's so much deeper and stronger than anything I've ever felt before. But I didn't think there was even a remote chance that you'd ever return those feelings so I ignored them, or at least I tried to. Then when you told me you loved me it all just kind of hit me at once. And I guess laughing was the only way I had of expressing that, but I swear I wasn't laughing _at_ you. What I'm trying to say, and making a total mess of, is that I love you too. And I mmph…

Catherine silenced Sara's rambling the only way she way she really wanted to. She kissed her. For a second the brunette didn't respond but when she did it was everything the blonde had dreamed it would be. Or it was until Sara jerked away from her.

"You ah, didn't let me finish." Sara softly told Catherine. She didn't think she had ever enjoyed kissing someone as much as she had the blonde, but she couldn't let it continue, not with what she needed to tell her. "I started to say that I would love to pursue a relationship with you…"

"It works out great then because that's what I want too." Catherine leaned in to capture the younger woman's mouth again but was stopped by two of Sara's fingers across her lips.

"But I don't know if it's such a good idea." Sara picked up where she left off, determined to make the blonde listen. "I'm pretty screwed up Cat. I was screwed up before Michael Thomas came back into my life. I've never been good at the relationship thing. My past has always hung over my head no matter how much I've tried to fight it. I'm moody and withdrawn and argumentative. I obsess over cases, I work too much, I shut people out, I have more defense mechanisms than the Army and the Marines combined and I could give China a run for its money in the wall department. I just think you deserve someone better than me."

Catherine gently pulled the lanky woman's hand away from her mouth and placed a soft kiss on Sara's palm. "After working with you for five years sweetie, most of that is not news to me. But that's not all you are, or were you not listening a couple of minutes ago when I was extolling your many virtues? And you're not the only one with a past and issues. I have my own problems and hang-ups, but I think we can work on all of it together. Because I can't think of one person that even holds a candle to you and if anything, _I_ don't deserve _you_. I would love a chance at something more than friendship with you but if you don't think you're ready then I won't push you. I'll take you in my life anyway you want to be there, just as long as you're there."

When Sara could finally swallow the lump in her throat, she reached up and cupped the blonde's cheek. "What about Lindsey? This would affect her too. What if she doesn't want us to see each other? I don't want to do anything that might upset her."

"See? There you go again being so damn perfect you put every single person I've ever been involved with to shame. No one has ever given her more then a passing thought except when I had to cancel or cut short dates for her. And I'm fairly certain that she will be ecstatic. That girl doesn't just think that you hung the moon; she thinks you carved it out of a mountain and then carried it on your back into orbit. You're her hero. And before you ask about my mother, don't. She'll learn to live with it." Catherine slid off the warm lanky body and settled next to Sara. "We can go as slow or as fast as you want, hell we can crawl in slow motion if that's what you need."

Sara reached over and entwined her fingers with Catherine's. She was scared to death but this was everything she'd always wanted but had never had, a chance at happiness, a real family that wanted her, love. Maybe it was time to stop living in her parent's shadow and in the hole Michael Thomas had thrown her in. Besides, who knew if she'd ever get another shot, especially with someone like Catherine Willows? "I don't think it will be necessary to go quite that slow. But I don't know when I'll be ready to… um… well you know. But I can definitely handle holding hands, and kissing, kissing is good. Really good."

"What's your stance on cuddling?" Catherine grinned at the fierce blush spreading up from Sara's neck to engulf her entire head. The brunette's ears were so red they looked like they were about to burst into flames.

"Oh I think cuddling will have to be mandatory. But do you think we could do that somewhere a little more comfortable. This floor with cold and I think my butt is falling asleep." Sara grinned shyly at the older woman.

Catherine stood and pulled Sara up and into her arms. "Wherever and whenever you want."

FIN


End file.
